To forgive my friend who lied to me about what she's doing with DS?

[FoxyHarlow123]

AIBU or just too darn R? My friend looks after my DS in the week. I pay her to do this. She is amazing with him and he loves her and I trust her implicitly. By sheer chance, I found out that she was lying to me about something she was doing with him - as in, she said she was taking him to a group but she wasn't. She bareface lied about it and only confessed when she'd run out of options. After she confessed, she was mortified and said all the right things and I said I was prepared to let it go cos I don't want anyone else looking after DS. But it's still on my mind and bubbling under the surface, that she took my money and lied to me. So, am I a mug to just forget it and carry on like nothing has happened? WWYD?

What sort of group was it, how much did she pocket and did she tell you why she lied?

Tippi - I only mentioned the pay because someone asked about it.

Does the care take place at your home or hers?

Well, I would find it very hard to trust her after telling you a needless lie. What else has she lied about?

It's almost a one off lie - its happened twice.

She's needs to be registered with Ofsted to receive payment for providing childcare (if it's more than 2 hours)

She might not have done anything to him, but she lied to you. Did she also take money explicitly for the group? If so, she also stole.

It's up to you whether that's acceptable (me? nah).

Isn't what you and she doing illegal btw ?

Same lie or different lies?

Twice that you know of.....
My theory is for every lie I find out, many were told thatcI don't know....

That's the trouble with trust though isn't it - once it's broken, it's hard to recover. I would stake my life on her not having lied about anything else but, well, I would have said that before but now.....

Same lie Tippi.

Nope. Couldn't. She lied. If you accept that now, then when she lies again, you'll be between a rock and a hard place. At what point is the lie going to go too far?

She's shown you that she can't be trusted to tell you the truth or put your DS first.

Sorry if it looks like I'm giving you a hard time OP but we had a hideous time with our ex nanny when our dc were babies (and therefore non verbal) and we discovered that her tiny lies were masking massive lies about where she was with our dc. It still gives me nightmares.

She is registered. Everything is above board. She just so happens to also be a friend.

Were the two lies both before you found out, or one before you found out and one after?

Even worse if she's a Registered Childminder - she's shown you that you are less important than other clients she has, or she is an untrustworthy childminder. Both are dreadful.

Yabu

I wouldnt leave my dc with someone who barefaced lied.

I do feel for you. For a childminder to break your trust, well it's hard. For it to also be your close friend is an extra blow and an extra set of emotions to deal with.
Don't rush into things if you have time. Let yourself calm down.

Got to go out now but thanks so much for all the quick responses. Really helpful to just sound it all out. And I'm not looking to hear what I want to hear either - am genuinely looking for some perspective.

If she lied about something relatively trivial I'd be wondering about other details. Were you paying specifically for this group ?

Always best I feel, to keep business and friendship entirely separate

Change your childcare

Both lies before I found out.

Why did she lie though & not just tel you the truth?