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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH reading my posts and comments is getting on my tits.

56 replies

GoodnessKnows · 29/12/2013 13:46

He is now 'mentioning' his displeasure at my rare DH comments.
I made the mistake of telling him how much I was getting out of MN and how entertaining the humorous posts are. It's pretty obvious who I am as I'm time through particularly individual circumstances at the moment so he's spotted me. He told me this morning that he wasn't happy for me to put stuff about my DH. WTF! Get off the site!
I'm cross and changing my user name won't help as I want to continue to post on threads I've come to like and appreciate / need at the moment (health worries, in particular). I'm not being unreasonable am I? Get off MY / our site!

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 29/12/2013 19:53

I agree, qq

but people really do need to remember that MN is very far from "private"

whether it's your nightmare MIL, unreasonable neighbour, rude shop asst, arsey BIL, or even your husband you are talking about it is there for all to see

if my H was reading my posts though, he would also get a massive flea in his ear

I know the PIN for his phone, but I never use it, for example and I wouldn't expect him to use mine

SanityClause · 29/12/2013 20:00

DD1 had a blog (she's given it up Sad) and she asked that I didn't read it. So, okay, it's out there in the public domain, but it doesn't mean I have to go out of my way to read it.

In return, she doesn't read my comments on MN.

Secrecy is what you take for yourself - privacy is what you afford to others.

2OfUsHerAndHim · 29/12/2013 20:02

DW and I have a joint membership with one username and we are always on MN, and other forums, together. I have to do all the typing, but we try to make it clear whether a post is from one of us or both of us. It seems as though some of the posters in this thread disapprove of men being on MN at all, unless its just me picking things up the wrong way (not unusual for me). MNHQ are happy with men being members and also happy about our joint membership. Am I just reading between the lines and finding things that aren't really there? The last thing we want to do is annoy anybody in the relatively lighthearted forums.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 29/12/2013 20:03

Yes, you are taking it the wrong way

2OfUsHerAndHim · 29/12/2013 20:08

Thanks Any, I half thought I would end up with bullet holes. DWs helpful comment is if anyone wants to shoot me they should use a silver bullet.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 29/12/2013 20:11

heh

usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 20:12

I think he should respect that you would rather he didn't read your posts on here.

My DP has no interest in my online activities nor I in his.

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 29/12/2013 20:12

How odd, don't know of any men dad or not who would join mn! What motivated you ? I've no problem with it, plenty of dads, house husbands out there, but just don't "get it".

usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 20:14

There are quite a few men on here.

That's not odd in itself.

2OfUsHerAndHim · 29/12/2013 20:14

We'll come back to this thread later as we're off out to meet friends in the pub. threads often seem different when you're bladdered.

MsVestibule · 29/12/2013 20:15

I was annoyed when DH glanced at the laptop and said "Oh, is that your user name?"! Fortunately he's not the type to go looking for my posts. Although MN is a public forum, he knows this something for me and I'd be be furious if he set out to read my comments. And he'd be very bored, too.

2OfUsHerAndHim · 29/12/2013 20:16

Gotta run Iwanna, we'll give you the story later.

tudorqueen · 29/12/2013 20:20

Actually I do consider this private because I use a pseudonym. I'm sure there are people on here that might know me in RL, but they've not said anything so maybe they don't recognise me or whatever. I'd never out someone anyway.

I also think that for some people (like DH and I - who have both had oppressive first marriages) it is important to be individual. I know that is a strange idea for some couples, but it's what works for us.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 29/12/2013 20:22

so far OP hasn't explained how her H knows her username

that is important, I think

if she told him upfront versus he searched her internet history and hacked her password then those are two very different things

scottishmummy · 29/12/2013 20:29

You can't legitimately ask he doesnt read or comment,when you post on public forum
You've posted your opinion,and comment on dh in visible public forum,not private diary
err now not time to plea for privacy.if you want privacy keep a journal.

kitsmummy · 29/12/2013 20:33

If DH was writing about me and our marriage on the Internet, I'd want to see what he was writing

scottishmummy · 29/12/2013 20:37

You have skewed perception op if you can't see why he'd be interested or comment
Your discussing him online,to strangers.of course he's got something to say

Nagoo · 29/12/2013 20:48

I agree that it depends how he found your username.

It might be worth Ncing because you'll never be able to trust he's not reading and it sounds like you need to have a private space.

I haven't nc'd but i have had to stop posting about private things. I tend to just chat under this NN now.

Golferman · 29/12/2013 20:55

Why would you want to not share with your partner? We have no secrets but maybe we look at our relationship differently. Anything anyone tells me in confidence I tell my wife and vice versa.

redshifter · 29/12/2013 20:56

Iwannalaylikethisforever ---- How odd, don't know of any men dad or not who would join mn! What motivated you ?

You can't be serious, surely.

Can you?

Please tell me you're joking.

usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 21:09

I don't tell my DP everything.

He doesn't even know MN exists.

scottishmummy · 29/12/2013 21:12

I fail to see how it's ok for strangers,trolls,press to read mn but not your dh
And mn isn't your private wee chat,it's public forum. Visible and often in press

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 29/12/2013 21:24

Lord no, I don't share everything with my DH

I have a life of my own, as does he

We are both on separate laptops right now. he doesn't look at what I am doing, and vice versa

Although actually, I know what he is doing at this precise moment becuae he is one those "commentators" at times. He has 63 views and 2 watchers. Make of that what you will Xmas Wink

usualsuspect · 29/12/2013 21:26

My DP is usually on eBay too. Grin

scottishmummy · 29/12/2013 21:26

This isn't about what ine shares/discloses to dp.its the unrealistic exoectation he won't read or comment what's on a public forum
If you want to censor who reads,err don't post online,if you want privacy write a diary