To be irritated by email from MIL about DD chocolate consumption?

[murielisterrible]

DD is 3. She spent all yesterday morn with pals and then didn't nap. PIL popped in for a visit late afternoon and as they walked over the door I warned them DD was slightly manic in that way 3 year olds can get when overtired. And indeed she was during their short visit. I am also full of the cold.

^Later last night MIL sent this email to DH;

Maybe until Muriel is back to full health you should try to keep DD away from chocolate.She is excited about all her presents but chocolate makes children hyper and Muriel could do with DD being a little quieter at present.

Looking forward to seeing you on Thursday.^

DD had no chocolate when they were there. We had some, but DD had none and didn't even ask for any. I think she had a chocolate coin and one sliver of cake yesterday, which is more than she would normally have. MIL does not know how much or how little chocolate DD consumes.

I am a tad pissed off. AIBU to be?

The history of slightly off comments sheds more light on the critical side of the email.

To me it comes over as a comment about chocolate veiled in, or justified by 'helpful' language. Why could she not have just said ''muriel looks tired, bless her, i hope she manages to get some rest', instead of the chocolate digs?

My DM is a master of saying something nice but with a sting in there somewhere which was the point of the comment in the first place.
DM - ''DDs hair looks nice ..... ''
Me - ''Yes! Doesn't it.''
DM - ''Yes i hated it before - she looked awful! I don't know why you let her have it like that!''

:(

(DD is 20 btw)

Ahh - it's a behavior pattern that is already upsetting you.

I'd be temped to reply - possibly along misunderstanding lines just to see if I could stop her doing it again - never know it might work.

I know, I feel I am drip feeding by explaining the pattern, but I didn't want to taint the responses IYKWIM.

Aargh! It taints the responses if you don't give the whole story though! As a one off, I stand by my post - obviously had I been in possession of all the facts my response might've been different. As it is, I wish I hadn't bothered, because I just hate the "ah but, I'm right, because....."

No, I don't see it, even after the back story. I see it as 'DD was quite hyperactive when we saw her, and Muriel is tired, so perhaps DH should try and keep her calm. There is a lot of chocolate floating around at Christmas time, so it could contribute.'

Perhaps you should email FIL to ask him to help Mil out, as she seems to be imagining things and it might help if he stops giving her wine/ glue.

Perhaps you should email FIL to ask him to help Mil out, as she seems to be imagining things and it might help if he stops giving her wine/ glue.

Back story doesn't sound too bad either. Let it go, was just an email.

She sounds a little trying, but tbh if that's the sum total of her being a pain I would swap her for my MIL in a heartbeat. And I'm pretty sure DH would swap her for his mother in less than that. Suffice it to say that my MIL being exceedingly lonely is not a shock to anyone who has to spend much time with her - her own siblings avoid her at all costs, and she bullies DH's poor (and lovely) stepmother so badly she had to go for a long walk on Xmas day just to escape.

A lot of people are a bit annoying as relatives - the problem with in-laws is you don't have the familial relationship that means you accept the blurred boundaries and just shrug it off. It's some random person behaving that way. But in the general scheme of things, mildly officious wrong-end-of-stick grabbing and sticky-beaking isn't a big deal, I don't think.