To think if you find something negative about yourself online, MAYBE you are wrong?

[newsecretidentity]

You may notice this is a spanking new registration, but I'm not a newbie or a troll.

I just want to ask, hypothetically, if you log onto a website (like, say, Mumsnet, maybe) and find something written about yourself, then perhaps it's your own fault for snooping?

Maybe if the op posts something like "AIBU to think that Joe Bloggs, who lives at 1234 Twatbag Crescent is a Prize Arse" , you may have a point.

But if the OP is posting anonymously, on an anonymous forum, and you make an effort to find out what she/he's written-- then do you still get to have a hissy fit about what you find?

Is there any excuse for searching for a person's posts and confronting them in RL about what you find? Never mind how you found out their username in the first place...

Or, does monitoring someone's online activity possibly mean you just might be a stalker?

I would call that stalking and a ridiculous breach of privacy. I would investigate the legal position and report it to whoever I could.

I'm working up the nerve to talk to the police about it, but I'm not sure if there's anything they can do.

I do feel that it crosses the line into stalking once I had moved out and he was apparently still accessing my email/ online accounts. What on earth could someone hope to gain by that?

Power OP. Knowledge is power. What this person found out has clearly been used to get at you so they can feel powerful.

Ring 101 for advice if nothing else, I'm sure they can tell you if there is anything they can do. Good luck, and Happy New Year.

If I saw something and instantly thought ohhh that's about me, unless it had my name in it I would give myself a slap for being self absorbed.

But yes it's stalkerish behaviour and quite cuntish. If your in a intimate relationship with this person its also isolating abusive behaviour.

Just saw your update. And yes it's abusive behaviour

There are people on here who will email links to others songheybcan see stuff that has been written about them, even though they are not members of the forum andwouldn't have known a thing.

It happened to me.

Shitstorm Ensued.

So don't go kidding yourself that people seek this stuff out.

Sorry, clearly your case is different but I would say...

How many identifying details did you post? Because if you are posting stuff that makes it clear who you are talking about then it does leave you vulnerable.

I didn't post anything particularly identifiable. It was a post on a topic I almost never use, about how to handle Christmas with DC's and EX-P. There were a hundred similar posts across the boards, as it's a common subject. The only reason he knew it was me posting is that this key logger software allowed him to login to my Mumsnet account and see what I was posting.

DH is in computer security. There's a slight problem in that it was installed whilst living together however it was installed without your knowledge and was left on the computer and accessed after splitting up. That is illegal. You should call 101 at the very least.

They may not be able to prove anything as key loggers can for example, send data to a remote system to be accessed or dumped on foreign server, however some remotely email and those can be proven. Also, you need to report it as your ex-P is essentially stalking you and this needs to be logged with the police. Even if it can't be proven, it can be logged.

Also be wary of anti-key logger program's as they only work dependent on the type of key logger program being utilised. Talk to the police first, then install some good anti-viral software - we use Kaspersky for example. Flush the software and change all passwords, especially web based forums/email. Which you've probably already done. HTH!