Would this piss you off? Dp lying

[Dollslikeyouandme]

A few things lately dp has 'lied' about have really got to me.

First thing, there was a major problem with his car, don't understand entirely but it was to do with an oil leak and he shouldn't have been and hadn't been using it at all until fixed.

On the day of his sisters wedding he was given certain errands as usher and risked using the car.

After the wedding his aunt and uncle started asking him to do some fairly time consuming DIY for them, he was going along with it and I pointed out that he'd probably want to get his car sorted first.

They asked what was up with the car and he said absolutely nothing, denied any knowledge that there was a problem.

Second thing, we're completely skiny, he's in debt, Boxing Day his dad ask if he'd like to go skiing in March, it will 'only' cost a grand. Dp says yeah, yeah sure. Later on I ask why he agreed to go when he knows we won't have the money. He tried to pretend his dad meant next year, 2015, he didn't, then he said its easier just to say yes then make an excuse later to keep his dad quiet.

Third thing we were visiting my sister yesterday. I've had some car trouble which is fixed, but we think there's a problem with either the front brakes or possibly a wheel bearing, as its making a noise for some time now, dp and I have discussed this at great length about getting it checked if it gets worse, listened out for the noise. Do even had the wheel off recently.

Dbil asked if my car was ok now, and I said it was aside from the ongoing problem. Dbil asked dp what was wrong and dp denied any knowledge of the problem.

The conversation went a bit like this.

Me-you know the noise by the front wheel.

Dp-what noise

Me-you know the one we've been hearing for ages, you thought it may be the front brakes or a wheel bearing

Dp-I having heard any noise

Me-you had the wheel off other day

Dp-I don't know you didn't tell me

It was getting uncomfortable then do I left it at that.

He does this a fair bit, why?

Ghahhhhh!!! This is my DP.
We have many arguments of this nature.
He's very socially anxious and almost pathologically worried about other people's opinions, to the extent I end up under the bus quite regularly.
I fight back though. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Are you quite sure about that?"
Then leave a pause.
It's a fucking massive pain in the arse and when I see him cravenly fawning over guests that he sees as "better" than us, I could twat him one. Puts me off socialising.

Well I've just tried to discuss it calmly.

I said it's something that's been bothering me and can he just be completely honest between the two of us.

I asked him why he said what he did. Regarding his car/aunt/uncle, he said that he didn't want them knowing his business, I said fair enough but why agree to a list of jobs that he wasn't going to have time to do. His reply was that he's never actually done the jobs has he.

Then he started saying that he didn't really know what was wrong with the car, he's not a mechanic (not what he told me at the time at all), he made out that the car was completely unusable and could result in wrecking the engine.

Ok so I asked him about my car at bil again. Funnily enough he's forgotten again, when I said that he'd had the wheel off not so long ago he said 'oh yeah', then he said that my cars fine, nothing wrong with it, he hasn't heard the noise for ages. I can say that the noise is still happening and I believe he knows this full well.

I asked him about the skiing, he adamant that he didn't agree to go, he did, then he says he said he would but doesn't mean he will, he said he was just listening, considering it, thing is he's been telling me he hasn't even got enough money to put fuel in his car, that there's 'no way' we can even afford a weekend away in 2013, so I find this questionable.

On the Sky aerial thing he just said that the one in the loft probably works, absolutely not what he's said before.

I said it make me feel rubbish, makes me look like I'm making things up etc, he started striking in the high pitched voice that he does when on the defensive. He said it's all in my head, I'm obsessed, I'm causing an argument, I'm mad, etc, etc, he hasn't done anything wrong.

Then he got up and shouted 'I'm not discussing this anymore, it's not the time'.

He's now come in with a coffee acting like nothing has happened and groaning that he's ill.

Hmm.... ref my earlier post, citing likenesses to DPs ADHD, in light of your most recent post, this doesn't sounds like the same thing at all.

I'm not sure I could put up with this OP, sounds like a nightmare. I feel for you... can you really contemplate a lifetime of putting up with this??

Sounds like dbro.

He's exactly like that. But very secretive too. Likes to appear as mysterious but isn't. Says whatever he's expected to say even tho it's not true. if caught out, it's funny or you're being silly etc.

You have my sympathies.

My parents do this, in fact they did it very recently, on Christmas day and it drives me crazy!

In early December my parents were discussing my DB's and DSIL's new babies name. I said that I thought her name ended in a, but they said no, they've called her a different version of the name ending in ie.

So when I was wrapping the presents I wrote her name ending with ie.

A few days later my parents told me that actually I was right, the babies name had the "a" ending.

I thought it wouldn't matter and decided to just apologise on the day for spelling the name wrong rather than change all the tags and cards on the presents.

When I apologised to my DB and DSIL and explained my parents had told me it ended in ie not a, my parents started shouting at me saying they'd never said that at all and that I was just making it up!

I was so angry as they have form for doing this. I spoke to my DSis about it and she said they always do it as they don't want to lose face, but she said they will do anyway as everyone knows they lie a lot about situations.

I have to try very hard not to take it personally as it really feels as though they're trying to make me look stupid or a liar.

Plus I'm the same as you op in that I can't argue the point with them as it makes me look petty.

I just hate it!

I was thinking that next time they do it I might fake concern and tell them they should really go to the doctors and get tested as they can't seem to remember anything that happened.

It's not ADHD in dbro case. It is ingrained/habitual and would take years of therapy to unpick.

I've had experience of this and after a lot of it, it makes you start to doubt yourself. A kind of alternate reality is created.
It's like someone saying 'you're mad' and then all your protestations only go to prove it further- there's nothing you can do.
When you are rationally trying to discuss the problem with your DH he says you're arguing or crazy.
I'm sorry OP this must feel like torture, but rest assured you are not the mad one.

I think there is an element of people pleasing, but also sounds like he wants to sound like money is not tight in front of family?

He wants his family to think he has plenty of money. A lot of men seem to do this. It's really irritating.

LTB

You'll be so much happier