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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Omg I want to comment on DDs Facebook

60 replies

RhondaJean · 28/12/2013 23:55

Dd is 14 yesterday and I have her fb on my phone to check.

One of her friends has just posted this

I don't see why putting an xbox controller in a sluts hand makes her more appealing to guys, I don't think they get how stupid they look.

I can't comment because I am only on there to keep an eye on her but I am FURIOUS!

Talk me down?

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 29/12/2013 00:14

But some do. I have seen it from girls I actually know from when dd was in primary.

Dd is a gamer, as am I. The thing is though, she'd seriously never say anything to anyone (except me) and certainly wouldn't start with the whole PA facebook rubbish. They don't tend to do it now anyway as they're all 18/19.

Tbh I'd be happier she has a pic with a game controller than one with her tits out.

Lemongrab · 29/12/2013 00:20
  • "I can only get my head round it by thinking they don't properly understand what they're saying, some will never learn and grow into the wankers we've all met and hated, but being young can be used as an excuse in this case."

That is a great way of thinking about it Agent. I can't believe some of the vile tripe from boys and girls that I see on my DD's FB newsfeed. Thankfully my DD doesn't post anything at all (I know because I check her fb regularly) but I often get annoyed by the crap other 13/14 year olds spout. I shall try to remember your wise words!

Original poster
RhondaJean · 29/12/2013 00:22

I totally agree you the cat,

I'm taking dd2 who is 9 and here best friend who is a boy out to the pictures tomorrow then to macds then back here to play Xbox.

I think it's outrageous to criticise a girl for a photo with a controller. Even if it's the first time they picked up a controller.

Dd1 won't give a hoot it will wash over her.

It's hte overall message it gives out that annoys drives to acts of violence

OP posts:
mrsjay · 29/12/2013 00:24

it is just weird how they see each other the gender generalisation (IS THAT THE RIGHT WORDS) get on my wick

YouTheCat · 29/12/2013 00:25

We were away visiting family for a night. It was dd's birthday yesterday (as well) and she had a party whilst we were away. Friends with booze and much gaming. It was a bring-a-game party and they all had a blast. Grin

Original poster
RhondaJean · 29/12/2013 00:28

Yep right word mrs jay.

How old was your dd me the cat?

OP posts:
mrsjay · 29/12/2013 00:31

DD" WANTS A LAZER ZONE PARTY FOR HER 16th apparently she is meant to have a disco like normal girls according to a girl who isnt invited

YouTheCat · 29/12/2013 00:34

Dd was 19 yesterday

YouTheCat · 29/12/2013 00:34

And dd's idea of hell is a disco - she'd rather laser quest too. Grin

Original poster
RhondaJean · 29/12/2013 00:35

Dd1 does not tolerate parties at all. Her birthday was yesterday.

Dd2 her bf and my bfs 14yo dd all shared a lasequest birthday party last year it was monumental.

We all went to a 10 yo birthday disco just before Xmas it was crap (one of the few things we all agreed on!)

OP posts:
Original poster
RhondaJean · 29/12/2013 00:36

Bf is best friend not boyfriend.

I love hte sound of your daughter you the cat.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 29/12/2013 00:37

You're very kind Lemon, but I've been caught out before by DD vs the internet so don't listen to a word I say Grin

She's chatting to a lad on fb at the min (who she goes to school with) and it's straying into the grey area of what definitely is my business and where I should give her some privacy.

I've got no idea where the boundaries should lie. I'm trying to think back to what I was doing at her age and what we talked about, but it's like comparing apples/pears, I'm sure my mum would have been horrified if fb was around and she could keep tabs on me through it. I'd have probably posted things to shock her if the truth be known.

They can understand it's a public space at the same time as feeling anonymous/they're having a private conversation between a group of friends.

I don't think they can be blamed for being inappropriate sometimes when they have to grow up in that weird mish mash of reality.

YouTheCat · 29/12/2013 00:40

I think your dd and mine would get on like a house on fire. Grin

Original poster
RhondaJean · 29/12/2013 00:46

I think they would, along with schro too, thanks guys for letting me rant at you lot and not on her fb (unforgiveable sin)

OP posts:
AlfAlf · 29/12/2013 01:04

I should have just posted on mn when I found I couldn't sit on my hands when stalking keeping an eye on dd1's Facebook... I usually don't comment, but there was one time when this little git commented on her status implying that my PFB was thick Shock, and I commented correcting little git's atrocious grammar and spelling mistakes Blush, and dd1 then deleted the entire status Blush
To be fair to her she was very sweet about it, saying "Mum, I thought you were really funny, but he is not someone I want to have any trouble with, he'd love the drama.".

YouTheCat · 29/12/2013 01:09

Alf, I did a similar thing a few years ago when dd was about 13.

It did lead to a whole conversation about why having 20 zillion friends on fb doesn't make you so popular and that if someone pissed her off it was entirely reasonable to delete and block.

Lemongrab · 29/12/2013 01:10

See, you've done it again Agent, more wise words for me to remember! Grin.

I completely agree with you on all you've said. Personally, sometimes I feel like I really have no idea how to be a good parent anymore. It's so much simpler when they're little!

SchroSawMummyRidingSantaClaus · 29/12/2013 13:46

Well,she does have a good taste in films Rhonda. :o

MurderOfGoths · 29/12/2013 13:48

I'd be struggling to resist replying too fwiw, but probably best not to.

jamdonut · 29/12/2013 14:00

I am a "friend" of my kids on FB . I do comment from time to time, not to tell off, as such, or start an argument, but I might use a 'Shock' emoticon of 'Smile' so that they know I have seen what is there. I sometimes add a comment if it is funny. I try not to interfere mainly,though.

ManAliveThisThingsFantastic · 29/12/2013 14:15

What would you put Rhonda? Just curious! And you may feel better if you write it down here.

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 29/12/2013 14:26

Don't comment. Speak to dd. assume she knows you monitor her fb?
It's vile but these are comments by children who become "brave" (obnoxious) when having a conversation that is not face to face.

Original poster
RhondaJean · 29/12/2013 14:44

I'm not sure what I would put to be honest, but it'd a good question. I'd be tempted to put something like "did you mean to be so rude!"

I think I spend too much time Mning hehe.

OP posts:
moominleigh94 · 29/12/2013 14:56

while I understand what some people are getting worked up about, I think others are missing the point.

it isn't calling girls who Xbox/play football/love laser tag sluts. quite often it's said by these girls, in objection to the typical very girly ones who don't play games, and laugh at girls who do for being 'nerds', but will then pose with a controller in a revealing, "provocative" (not the right word but my inner dictionary is on holiday) pose because suddenly gaming is 'cool'. and that is a bit of a shitty, hypocritical thing to do.

I was in secondary school only a couple of years ago with girls who bullied me for not wearing makeup and being a gamer and a football fan. the same girls now part pictures of themselves in football shirts and saying stupid things like 'girls may not know the offside rule, but we're look sexy in a football kit'. it makes my inner feminist very angry because as a football fan and the daughter of a female referee and football coach/team manager, I definitely know the offside rule and these people give girls a bad name and reinforce shitty, stupid stereotypes.

thankfully it's a phenomenon relatively limited to teenagers and idiots in their early twenties, but it is so annoying to see. from reading that, I definitely don't think it was aimed at girls who genuinely plat games - it's the ones who bully those girls, and then act like total hypocrites.

I understand most of the objection was to calling them sluts, but just wanted to clear up some of the misconception about who it was aimed at.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 29/12/2013 15:11

Horrible use of language. So YANBU.

Although, have you seen the photos lately? There's a few around, girls and women wearing t-shirts with a xbox controller covering their fanjos. I think it's supposed to appeal to lads and men because they're supposed to like 'gamer girls'.

DP came across it, showed me, and said he'd find it more attractive if she actually had some clothes on and the pad in her hand playing the damn thing.