To want to choose our own baby things....

[Writerwannabe83]

Me and DH are expecting our first baby, due in 12 weeks.

We are starting to think about decorating the nursery over the next few days and from as early as announcing the pregnancy my PIL said they would buy us our cot - obviously we were very grateful.

We were discussing it with them on Christmas Day and FIL started being a bit pushy about what he thought and what he wanted. He was bringing up loads of images online of different cots, saying, "What about this one? What about this one?" I didn't like any of the ones he was showing me and he seemed to get quite offended. He thinks a cot is a cot and it doesn't matter what it looks like - which I know is kind of true, but at the same time I want something that me and DH like and something we have chosen ourselves.

He then started doing the same for push chairs and travel systems, even putting a bid in on eBay for one just because I said it was nice, not that I actually wanted it. We got outbid so he starts searching for more prams, showing me them at lightning speed, telling me to bid on them etc - I felt really pressured and uncomfortable. I don't want to just buy any old cot or pram on a whim but instead look around and find something that me and DH really like and want.

My MIL told her husband to stay out of it and let me and DH pick our own things but it went in one ear and out the other. He then announced he had put an eBay bid in for a highchair, without even asking or showing us what it looked like, because he thought it was ok and didn't mind buying us one. I just felt overwhelmed and a little annoyed actually. This is our first (and only) baby, is it really unreasonable to want a say in what things we want for him and at least get some choice in their style and appearance? They have also been out and bought a 'Baby's first Bath Set' which includes the baby bath, toys, towels etc and although it's nice, it certainly isn't something we would have chosen ourselves, we can't picture our little boy in it and enjoying bath time etc.

I feel like everything is being taken out of our hands. I know it is lovely of the In-Laws to offer to buy us the cot but unless we get to choose one ourselves I feel like telling them not to worry about it. It's just really awkward and is taking the shine off it all a little bit. I don't know, maybe I'm just being precious. I just want me and DH to be able to make our own choices and buy things that we like and that we want for our own baby.

I just always had this vision of me and DH picking out all the lovely baby furniture and baby equipment we would need and it being something special and enjoyable that we could do together but it really isn't turning out that way....

My unreasonable on the slightest,it's lovely that they want to buy some big ticket items for you but that doesn't give FIL the right to choose it. That said I agree with those who have said let smaller items like the bath set go and donate them to charity/stick them on eBay.

Got to say though at least your FIL is looking at new things or at least eBay, my FIL (who I love) is one of those people who takes stuff to the dump and brings new crap home. When hubby and I told him we had a bought a cot and changing table he commented we should return the table as he had pulled one out the skip for us a day or two earlier . I told him anything else baby related he found at the dump could stay there - I have no problem with second hand but draw the line at something recovered from a skip!

Even I don't think YABU and Im doing no3 on a very tight budget. Ive searched long and hard for a pram which suits my purposes, its the only thing Ive bought new. Ive picked up lots of second hand clothes and stuff, but even then Ive been very picky.
Could you have a scout around for what you still need and create a wedding list type thing? Exactly what you want and where to get it?
Then anyone who wants to help can pick something.

Let the bath thing go it really doesn't matter. But I get what you mean about the rest. My parents bought us our pram, they told us to go and choose something and they paid for it which was fantastic. MIL said she would buy us a cot on the condition that she chose it. We politely declined and bought our own. So she said she would buy a highchair, on the condition that she chose it. We politely declined etc etc. She ended up buying a second hand pram (nothing wrong with that),for when we visited, which was so dirty I wouldn't have let the dog lie in it never mind my pfb. :). Stick to your guns, remember hes excited and make a big show of thanking him for the small stuff that doesnt matter.

We told the PIL that we bought nursery furniture and it was slightly awkward. I tried to be quite breezy and casual about it all and stress how lovely the matching set is etc but there was a tiny under current of uncomfortable-ness. I'm sure that's not a real world

FIL offered us £100 towards the cost though so that was really lovely and we let him know how much we appreciated it.

On the way home me and DH were discussing and said we did feel a little bit bad about the way it panned out but we both know that we have to buy what we want and not let others make choices for us.

Until i joined mumsnet i had no idea that this nonsense went on. Your baby your choice, about everything. Us oldies have had our go at choosing now its your turn.
When my first grandchild was due i gave them money to buy something. Anything they needed and their own choice certainly not mine.