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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to send my future daughter in law this email

47 replies

bymyside · 27/12/2013 20:38

My friend at work said it was a bit twee. Background-my darling wonderful husband died completely unexpectedly a few months ago-we had been married 33 years and I loved him so much-I am lucky that nothing was left unsaid between us-its been a strange Christmas but my 3sons have been wonderful-coming home to do the dinner-it was a tradition started by my husband that I was not allowed in the kitchen on Christmas Day!! I had a nice day-only my youngest son has a partner T the moment-they Re due to get married next year-she is lovely but we don't have in depth conversations. I was at the computer and just went for it -I may have had a glass of baileys-I just emailed her saying how I did not want to be one of those horrible mother in laws who think no-one is good enough for their son as I think she is perfect and how much me and hubby thought of her and that we love her. This is not like me at all-but after everything that happened I just thought oh tell people what you think-but now I am thinking she will be really embarrassed next time I see her.

OP posts:
nowwearefour · 27/12/2013 20:39

Sounds lovely. Am sure she will have really appreciated receiving it. Ad your ds too. Well done.

Nonky · 27/12/2013 20:39

No, that sounds like a wonderful thing to say and I'm sure she will really appreciate it :-) x

Original poster
bymyside · 27/12/2013 20:40

The title should have been wibu to have sent it-it's been sent

OP posts:
formerbabe · 27/12/2013 20:41

Its fine but I think it would have been better said face to face...

I will keep my eye out on mn for the following thread...'aibu to think my mil was drunk when she sent this?!'

sillyoldfool · 27/12/2013 20:41

sounds lovely. you should never be embarrassed about being kind to people or telling them nice things.

thekitchenfairy · 27/12/2013 20:42

Lovely. What a wonderful letter to receive. Hope she appreciates it.

Coldlightofday · 27/12/2013 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthernLebkuchen · 27/12/2013 20:42

There's a good chance she'll think 'hmm future ma-in-law has been on the BAileys' but no harm done. That's really nice for you to put down in black and white that you want a good relationship with her and you think she's great. I'm sure your sons are very protective of you in your loss and it's really important for your son's future marriage that you balance that with giving them their own space. Acknowledging how special your future dil is, is a great start.

drivingmisslazy · 27/12/2013 20:42

YANBU Sounds lovely.

CheeryCherry · 27/12/2013 20:43

Sounds lovely, she will hopefully appreciate your blessings. What lovely sons you have too :)

SerenaJoy · 27/12/2013 20:43

I think that's lovely, and I'm sure she will be very touched - I would have been if I'd received something similar from my MIL before I married DH.

I'm sorry for the loss of your husband Flowers

Justyou · 27/12/2013 20:43

Think that is lovely, I would have loved to receive something like that

dyslexicdespot · 27/12/2013 20:43

I would have loved it if my MIL had thought to send me a letter like that. If she takes it the wrong way you could always adopt DH and be my new MIL!

Original poster
bymyside · 27/12/2013 20:44

It was actually just a tiny glass of baileys-I was completely sober just emotional

OP posts:
Finola1step · 27/12/2013 20:44

I think it's a lovely idea. She may be a little surprised but in a good way. You have lovely sons by the sound of it and you are perfectly right to want a nice, easy relationship with your DIL to be. I have a lovely relationship with my MIL and she was brilliant when I lost my dad earlier this year. The MIL/DIL relationship can be really good if you both want it to be.

DoingItForMyself · 27/12/2013 20:44

I think that's lovely and should lay the foundations for a good relationship between you. Don't feel embarrassed to have sent it, if she is as lovely as you say, then she will understand why it was important to you to say what you did. Great that your DSs are continuing your dH's lovely Christmas tradition too!

AimeeDubucqdeRivery · 27/12/2013 20:44

I think it's a lovely gesture, and not twee at all.

I'm sorry you lost your husband recently and suddenly. This Christmas must have been hard for you Thanks

MrsBennetsEldest · 27/12/2013 20:45

I think it's rather lovely actually. I'm so sorry your very lovely sounding husband is longer with you. She may feel a little self conscious but a quick hug and a ' sorry if I was a bit soppy' should suffice.

Utterly · 27/12/2013 20:45

YWNBU Smile

DoingItForMyself · 27/12/2013 20:45

There are a lot of 'lovely's on here Smile

MrsBennetsEldest · 27/12/2013 20:47
  • no longer
Hassled · 27/12/2013 20:51

Firstly this must have been a really hard Christmas for you - I'm sorry.

And after such a long happy marriage of course you're going to be thinking about the next marriage. I completely understand why you sent the email and you've sort of made me want to send my own DIL one as well; I think when you know your child has met someone who is just right for them and who you can see makes them happy, you're grateful to them and that gratitude is quite hard to express out loud.

She might be a bit embarrassed, but she'll also be delighted :).

Skogkatter · 27/12/2013 20:52

That sounds lovely. My MIL sent something vaguely similar- we didn't know each other well but it made me feel very close to her.

MammaTJ · 27/12/2013 20:52

My DD is getting married this year and I know she would love it if her MIL to be sent her an email like that.

YANBU! Sometimes 'twee' is really the way to go. Heartfelt and nice can never be a bad thing.

mylittlesunshine · 27/12/2013 21:11

I would love an email like that, my MIL is very cold towards me as she has been taught not to show feelings and emotion which is a shame. You sound like a great MIL, it's nice to show how you feel sometimes.

I'm really sorry about your husband, what your sons did for you at Christmas was lovely.

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