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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to send my future daughter in law this email

47 replies

bymyside · 27/12/2013 20:38

My friend at work said it was a bit twee. Background-my darling wonderful husband died completely unexpectedly a few months ago-we had been married 33 years and I loved him so much-I am lucky that nothing was left unsaid between us-its been a strange Christmas but my 3sons have been wonderful-coming home to do the dinner-it was a tradition started by my husband that I was not allowed in the kitchen on Christmas Day!! I had a nice day-only my youngest son has a partner T the moment-they Re due to get married next year-she is lovely but we don't have in depth conversations. I was at the computer and just went for it -I may have had a glass of baileys-I just emailed her saying how I did not want to be one of those horrible mother in laws who think no-one is good enough for their son as I think she is perfect and how much me and hubby thought of her and that we love her. This is not like me at all-but after everything that happened I just thought oh tell people what you think-but now I am thinking she will be really embarrassed next time I see her.

OP posts:
chirpchirp · 27/12/2013 21:15

Lovely thing to do. The first thing my mother in law ever said to me was "I always wanted a daughter!" Whilst giving me a hug. She's ace.

mylittlesunshine · 27/12/2013 21:16

That's nice chirpchirp, mine has only boys and says she doesn't like girls and doesn't know what to say to them...it's like I'm from a different planet! Very strange.

Snoopingforsoup · 27/12/2013 21:18

I think that's lovely.

She's lucky to have you as a MIL.

LatteLady · 27/12/2013 21:20

It's not twee and I reckon your husband would be rather proud of you. You are setting a rather high standard for mils but I think there may well be a few more as super as you who post on here. Well done that woman!

SillyMillyOnAHilly · 27/12/2013 21:26

Another lovely from me.

I suspect she will think you are bonkers but in a good way. Grin

My bonkers mil never, ever critises me or tells me what to do, tells me she never worries about her DS as he has me AND she always tells me I am beautiful which I may or may not be It works for me!
She is very 'old school' European and probably thinks my modern, lackadaisical approach to being a wife is terrible but she does nothing but nods and smiles.

I think she is great. (And I tell her how much I appriciate her non interfering'ness )

Rosencrantz · 27/12/2013 21:27

I would LOVE to receive that email! You sound lovely OP.

FishfingersAreOK · 27/12/2013 21:34

Another one who thinks this was a wonderful thing to have done. Even if it is never mentioned again between you again, I would be stunned if it did not mean a lot to her. And will start your MIL/DIL relationship off to a wonderful start.

My MIL is lovely. They are out there.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/12/2013 21:39

Mine is fantastic too.

That was a lovely email to send :)

Hermione123 · 27/12/2013 21:40

Good for you! The only possible downside is slight embarrassment, I expect you made her very happy!

HRMumness · 27/12/2013 21:46

Sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I hoped being surrounded by your sons eased the pain this christmas.

I would have loved if I got that email from my MIL. I'm sure most people wonder whether their in-laws approve of them. I know I wonder whether my in-laws actually like me or just tolerate me. Although this year I got a birthday present for the first time Hmm so I must have gone up in their estimation. We've only been together for 6 years, married for 3, given them their first grandchild. Although to be fair, MIL is still miffed we live on other side of world.

CatsRule · 27/12/2013 22:05

If you mean it then it was a nice thing to do.

At my wedding my mil said to me that she hopes she is a good mil...she has done everything in her power to make sure that I know she hates me and that I will never be welcome in their family!

We are no longer in touch as a result of her behavior.

florencedombey · 27/12/2013 22:08

OP, my MIL sent me an email like that in the run up to our wedding. It was lovely and I was very touched. Your soon to be DIL is lucky to have you.

Sallyingforth · 27/12/2013 22:16

What a lovely thing to have done! I'm sure the Baileys had nothing to do with it. She will understand that you found it difficult to express your feelings face to face after the emotional stress you have been under with the loss of your dear husband.
I wouldn't mind betting that she will cherish that note for many years to come. You are going to make a wonderful MiL.

Glimmerberry · 27/12/2013 22:28

My MIL has always made it explicitly clear that she is pleased I am in her sons life. It's good, means I can relax and be myself, not always feeling like I'm on best behaviour trying to impress. I think it makes life easier when people are upfront, too often this is about negative things -why not about something positive?

VeryExasperated · 27/12/2013 22:37

YANBU. Sounds lovely, and I'm sure she'll be v touched. Condolences on the loss of your husband x

lovingmatleave · 27/12/2013 22:46

Well it nearly made me cry! (never have had a mil as she was well deceased by the time I married). Really lovely thing to say. Hope she is nice to you in future years. It sounds like you have a really lovely family who love you dearly x

Slatecross · 27/12/2013 22:54

If I was your DIL I'd be thrilled to get that. I was brought up to this that my husband's people are my people. Sadly my MIL never thought that way and did little more than tolerate me.

You sound fab. X

BigBirthdayGloom · 27/12/2013 22:56

It will go down very well. Fwiw, my mil has been so amazing to me and one of the things she has said so repeatedly that I've actually started to believe it is that I am perfect for her son and she's so glad we found each other. I have real issues with my mother and my mil has been the rock, advice giver, laugh sharer that I've lacked. Sorry-off track a bit. But the point is, to start with I found it slightly uncomfortable being told I was great but I'm glad she carried on. You sound great. I'm sorry for your loss.

aquashiv · 27/12/2013 23:02

That's a lovely thing to say good for you and don't be embarrassed I am sure she was delighted to receive such an email.

HicDraconis · 27/12/2013 23:04

I would have loved to receive an email like that! (As opposed to the one I did receive, in which I was told how much she'd never liked me and giving a list of all my character defects).

So sorry for your loss and I'm glad your sons rallied around you this Christmas. I remember the first Christmas after my mother died (unexpectedly and suddenly) feeling very wrong and not quite real.

I hope your son and his DW2B have a happy wedding and marriage!

laughingeyes2013 · 27/12/2013 23:05

My MIL almost didn't attend my wedding to her son, all because she couldn't control the wedding (we were paying for our own) and wasn't accustomed to anyone standing up to her.

She got over it in the end but I've spent the rest of the time wondering how she feels about me being her DIL, and I'd have really been touched if she'd have set an email like yours to me instead.

Your son is lucky to have you as his Mum and his partner is lucky to you as a MIL.

mintberry · 27/12/2013 23:19

I would be thrilled if I got that email OP, don't worry. Wine

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