can't decide if they're being unreasonable or I am?

[VelvetSpoon]

Feel I'm losing all perspective due to being at home/no interaction with another adult since Christmas Eve, and very little with the DC since Christmas Day...so have no idea if this should be pissing me off or not!

For many years I have a small group of friends I'd meet up with over Christmas. Originally it was Christmas Day or Boxing Day at my house. Soon after I became a LP, they decided they had other things to do, and it got shifted to the weekend between Christmas and New Year, sometimes but not always at my house. There would be an expectation that if it was here I'd provide unlimited food and drink, and no-one would lift a finger (other than to help themselves to more food and drink...)

Earlier this year there were a couple of occasions where get-togethers were suggested in places difficult for me to get to (I don't have a car and no lift was offered) which I ended up not going to as I simply couldn't afford the additional 2 hours travelling there and back at what was a busy time. I am also the only one of the group who has DC.

I have been trying to be more assertive in terms of friendships recently, and take less shit. So, re the Christmas visit, date was agreed as this Saturday. I said it would need to be at mine (to avoid me having the hassle of travelling etc), but that I wouldn't be doing food.

Last I heard was last Saturday where one friend said ok, I'll let you know when we're coming. Another friend sent a generic Happy Xmas message on FB, no mention of this visit. I could text round and chase them as to when they're coming/if they're coming at all, but I slightly resent having to do so, should they not have let me know already?

Well without detailing, there is a reason from her point of view and we want to keep the meet ups going.
I just think that the comparisons only work if you are thinking about your own journey iyswim?

From my point of view, I'm the only one who has DC, and the only one who's single. I also work by far the longest hours.

I do rather feel the least they can do is - on occasion - come to me. Especially considering 2 of them are unable to host in their own homes. I just don't always have up to 2 hours to spend travelling each way, I have other demands on my time. Not saying they don't, but if they drive to me, they only lose an hour in total.

God old bag, that's horrible for you. I do remember park and ride as being quicker but more hideous.
Velvet, it may be that the dc don't figure in their minds anymore if they are teens? I know I would think it hard for someone with a toddler to get away, less so for someone with a teenager.
Do the others get together in between without you? Through work/ relationships/ location? Is it possible that you've all drifted away from each other and the idea is more fun than the reality?

I haven't quite caught up yet but I do find the OP's stand point a bit odd.

Why are you so reluctant to travel to an agreed location on public transport when you're open about your schedule being quite free and your DCs being teens now?

If you're insisting, and have always insisted that the gatherings be at your place simply because they all drive, surely it's not too much to provide some nibbles? After all, they're all spending money on petrol to get to yours and back.

RE this particular occasion, it doesn't sound like any solid plan was made.

Just read a little more...it would be pointless getting them to bring food because they'd just bring something pre-made to go in the oven?

What exactly is the problem with that? I enjoy cooking from scratch but most people don't and I wouldn't expect it of them.

The expectation over the years has been they come to my house to be 'fed'. Not just nibbles, but a proper 2 or 3 course meal. Which I pay for, as I pay for anything that is drunk. And afterwards I do all the clearing up, washing up, etc. And if they stay overnight, my children have to give up their beds, then I have to cook breakfast, etc etc.

If they were happy with just a few nibbles I doubt I'd feel as peeved as I do. And even though I have an 'open' schedule, that doesn't mean I want to spend 2 hours travelling in shit weather, on unreliable public transport, carrying Xmas presents, to then exchange them and carry my own home. I think honestly, unless you don't drive, or have used public transport a lot, it's easy to forget what it's like.

They don't often meet up without me tbh, the last time they did was one of the occasions I couldn't make, a couple of months ago - so I was invited, but just couldn't get there.

I do use public transport a lot. I drive too.

Keeping a car on the road is very expensive and petrol costs aren't exactly negligible. And though I've had a few nightmare journeys on public transport, I'd certainly question how often the weather stops it from being a practical option.

As far as the food thing is concerned, what is the issue with them bringing something pre-made for the oven? You say they'd do this so they'd obviously be happy accepting it as an option rather than you slaving over a 3 course meal.

I'd say you're all a bit unreasonable here.

But I'd also say there seems to be more resentment than affection among you all, or certainly from you at the least Velvet, so I'd have to agree with the posters who are suggesting that the friendship has run its course.

Text everyone ''see you later. Ill do the food and let you girls organise the alcohol if that's ok'

The expectation over the years has been they come to my house to be 'fed'. Not just nibbles, but a proper 2 or 3 course meal.

That's because you keep doing it. If you ask one to bring crackers and dips [starter], one to bring cake [pudding] and another to bring drinks and you cook a meal that can be eaten by everyone [chilli/curry/the like] then the cost is shared, everyone gets fed and everyone is happy. It's your own fault that there is this 'expectation'.