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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to wonder if alcohol plays a part in some responses on the AIBU board

84 replies

CaptainTripps · 27/12/2013 15:21

I'm sorry but this really needs saying. I've seen, over time, offensive and downright nasty replies to the poor, hapless poster with the 'AIBU' issue.

This is on my mind right now as I was in this situation last night having posted a fairly innocuous problem. I was called precious, odd, told to get out more, that I should start a hobby, pushy, controlling, 'ffs get over yourself', rude and condescending, to get professional help, aggressive, shallow and facile...

None of my posts merited this on this particular thread. At least I don't think so.

I remained polite on the thread and decided not to respond to the idiotsoffensive posters. I had some lovely replies too, mind you.

But the level of rudeness and personal insults!

Look - I am no wilting violet and can deal with this. But I am curious as to why people do it. Perfectstorm summed it up brilliantly and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her here:

...posting on MN in a way calculated to belittle and demean others as a way of not-too-subtly validating yourself is evidence of a deep and grounded nature? You'll forgive me if I take your proclaimed set of values with a fairly sizeable pinch of salt, on the sole evidence available to me here.

So - is it alcohol? Or posting via the comfort of anonymity? Or should I be magnanimous and think that these people have bitter and twisted lives?

OP posts:
koTinkaBell · 27/12/2013 16:42

I just read your jumper thread, tripps, it's really not that bad a response compared to some, you have maybe 2 posters there whose comments ought to have been reported. there were a good number of people who understood your point of view. just ignore and report pa's, not worth getting upset over them Brew

scottishmummy · 27/12/2013 17:00

Yes on mn some feel we should act like chummy gerls in 6th year,be like them or else
Fall in line and say oh Hun/this too will pass/ltb/your house your rules/update please
Much is made of oh bet they wouldn't say that real life.missing the obvious mn isn't real life

MsUumellmahaye · 27/12/2013 17:11

thought that was the whole point of AIBU, in rl you ask friends they will say 'o you were right, poor you' thats why you ask on here so if you were a cunt you will get told you were a cunt, if required :)

NewtRipley · 27/12/2013 17:12

I think it is sometimes alcohol. Stands to reason. It makes some people uninhibited, in RL and OL.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 27/12/2013 17:16

I dont think alcohol is a factor at all.

At any time of day or night posters jump in ready with a snide remark or bitchy put down as they see fit.

Your thread was inviting to some looking for a chance to have a go and re- gifting your clothes to your mum then you getting miffed was manna from heaven.

NewtRipley · 27/12/2013 17:17

I think it is one factor

YouStayClassySanDiego · 27/12/2013 17:36

I'm sorry but this really needs saying. I've seen, over time, offensive and downright nasty replies to the poor, hapless poster with the 'AIBU' issue

Sorry but I'm sniggering at ' poor and hapless ' to describe posters. You're referring to yourself.

In real crisis posters support the OP and respond well with support and guidance.

We all have different views , some are more blunt/rude/ sympathetic than others.

For what it's worth I'd never put a real life serious dilemma of my own on AIBU,

scottishbelle78 · 27/12/2013 18:42

I agree. I also think many op are posted ui alcohol.

PointyChristmasFairyWand · 27/12/2013 18:43

I've been on MN almost 4 years and have found AIBU to be very variable - bit like many of the other boards, really. There's a spectrum of OPs and responses:

  • Where the OP is goady and really rather asking for it - like the one who came onto AIBU, announced she was a new MNer and asked us all to please stop swearing because it wasn't ladylike. Sorry, but she deserved everything she got
  • Where it starts out reasonable and degenerates into a bunfight - benefits threads, bf/ff threads are pretty typical
  • Threads where the OP is BU and accepts the grip/alternative perspective (s)he is offered
  • Threads where people are genuinely supportive and express themselves using the full range of the English language - like the support I got a few years ago when I had a rant about my Dad having Parkinsons and how shit it was. Having my own feelings reflected back in my own terms was more comfort than any number of hugs and huns would have been.

You need to be a bit tough for AIBU, but slating it as a lot of alcohol-fuelled witch hunts is a bit much.

DeepThought · 27/12/2013 18:47

4

scottishmummy · 27/12/2013 18:52

I don't think it's alcohol fuelled at all,I think it's a strangers opinion you can take It or leave it
Think the fact that you get a range of pov,with no familial or social baggage is refreshing
Presumably folk ask because they want that range,and its not cluttered by familiar association

Snowdown · 27/12/2013 18:55

I do find there is a gang mentality going on here, it's easy to bully the op when the weight of opinion lands squarely on the yabu and posters really do get stuck in at times, like they are hungry for a good fight. I have posted here a light hearted AIBU and I was blown away by the venom, it wasn't a big deal but was amazed by the muscle flexing that went on, some posters must be hell to know in real life or they are cowards who only reveal their true selves express themselves online. And I'd imagine alcohol has a lot to do with it.

TaraLott · 27/12/2013 18:56

Oh, I dunno sm, I bet you like a wee dram or two before you get stuck in. Wink

haveyourselfashandy · 27/12/2013 18:56

Whenever I see a spiteful reply to an op that's uncalled for I always imagine a very sad,lonely person sat at a computer.There's something not quite right about upsetting somebody anonymously and obviously enjoying it.

notanotherusername1 · 27/12/2013 18:57

It's amazing that people have to put things like " my first aibu so please be kind". Why can't people be kind, firm if it's needed but still kind. I hate the c word. Would never ever use it in RL nor the t word.

I have been shocked at things I have read on here, really shocked and appalled. I have also been amazed at how petty and nasty some can be. Christmas really does seem to bring out some ugly behaviour.

Have also been reduced to crying with laughter (Misty Whore...Miss Dior) and been moved at how kind some can be. A mixed bag with a tendency more towards the nasty.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 27/12/2013 18:57

YANBU in general but YABU about your post. Your tone started off the thread badly and you are clearly still obsessing. Who cares what a bunch of randomers think? Change your name or just get over it. People won't remember it unless it's something major like pomme bear.

scottishmummy · 27/12/2013 18:58

Nah,I don't drink, I have been known to hammer the Assam tea though
Never got my drinking boots back after having weans

onedev · 27/12/2013 19:04

Totally agree with Worra.

Whistleblower0 · 27/12/2013 19:20

You need to get over it. I really think you are investing far too much in an internet forum. Some people will agree with you, some wont. such is life.

I'm somebody who speaks their mind in real life as well as on here. i dont recall, but i'm sure lots of posters have disagreed with me/ called me a twat in my short time on here. It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Lazyjaney · 27/12/2013 19:28

"However, I doubt it's drink, it's much more likely to be the safety of anonymity"

I'd agree. Also, one persons straight talking is another's offensive statement.

IMO you get far more of what people do actually think on AIBU, it's real life that gives the socially airbrushed view.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 27/12/2013 20:29

- Where the OP is goady and really rather asking for it - like the one who came onto AIBU, announced she was a new MNer and asked us all to please stop swearing because it wasn't ladylike. Sorry, but she deserved everything she got

That sounds like a great thread. I'm sorry I missed that.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 27/12/2013 20:32

Some good viewpoints here. Thanks for replying.

OP posts:
DejaVuAllOverAgain · 27/12/2013 20:42

I don't think it's alcohol, I think some people are just nasty and use AIBU to be as vile as possible.

I can't comment on your thread OP as I haven't seen it. However, there have been some threads where some posters have picked bits out of the OP and used them to harangue the OP whilst ignoring other relevant bits so they can carry on with their own agenda.

PointyChristmasFairyWand · 27/12/2013 20:44

Princess that was one of the best threads ever. I have never laughed so hard in my life. And I also came across the term 'wankbadger' so it was educational too. Grin

mistermakersgloopyglue · 27/12/2013 21:06

I haven't read your particular thread op, but the moment I realised that actually quite a few replies on mn are possibly alcohol fuelled was after the anyfucker scandal. The morning after that whole thing there quite a few people who said that they had had a few wines the night before and that had influenced what they had written e.g. comparisons with Rosa parks and the like but you couldn't really tell people were posses just from the posts, I just thought they were erm, passionate about anyfucker not as it turned out being banned!

I wouldn't have necessarily thought that many people mumsnet while under the influence, but I guess they probably do