Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to wonder if alcohol plays a part in some responses on the AIBU board

84 replies

CaptainTripps · 27/12/2013 15:21

I'm sorry but this really needs saying. I've seen, over time, offensive and downright nasty replies to the poor, hapless poster with the 'AIBU' issue.

This is on my mind right now as I was in this situation last night having posted a fairly innocuous problem. I was called precious, odd, told to get out more, that I should start a hobby, pushy, controlling, 'ffs get over yourself', rude and condescending, to get professional help, aggressive, shallow and facile...

None of my posts merited this on this particular thread. At least I don't think so.

I remained polite on the thread and decided not to respond to the idiotsoffensive posters. I had some lovely replies too, mind you.

But the level of rudeness and personal insults!

Look - I am no wilting violet and can deal with this. But I am curious as to why people do it. Perfectstorm summed it up brilliantly and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her here:

...posting on MN in a way calculated to belittle and demean others as a way of not-too-subtly validating yourself is evidence of a deep and grounded nature? You'll forgive me if I take your proclaimed set of values with a fairly sizeable pinch of salt, on the sole evidence available to me here.

So - is it alcohol? Or posting via the comfort of anonymity? Or should I be magnanimous and think that these people have bitter and twisted lives?

OP posts:
ThreeWisePerpendicularVinces · 27/12/2013 15:26

Sometimes some of the nasty, mean spirited posts on MN shock me. I have no idea whether it's alcohol or bored people with too much time on their hands, but I never fail to be surprised.

I suspect most of the persistent offenders ate keyboard warriors, and either would be far nicer or far less outspoken in RL.

I'm sorry you had such an awful time Flowers.

ThreeWisePerpendicularVinces · 27/12/2013 15:27

are keyboard warriors!!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2013 15:27

I don't think anybody posts on AIBU for 'help'. It's a well-known board for being feisty not at all bunfighty and isn't meant to be serious. There are specific other boards for that.

I don't believe most of the threads and posts in AIBU but believe that most are fuelled by boredom and perhaps topped up by alcohol. I'm teetotal...

LCHammer · 27/12/2013 15:28

I didn't see your thread but going by your last paragraph here you do appear rather rude and insulting (the bitter and twisted comment). I haven't had any alcohol since 7 Dec, in case you're wondering. And, yes, it was with other MNers that evening :)

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 27/12/2013 15:31

I think my last comment is remarkably restrained considering what I have been called (see references in my OP). Apologies if that offends you.

OP posts:
Rachelx92 · 27/12/2013 15:32

Or some people are more honest and opinionated than others? I do agree some people can go a step too far with their comments but having someone disagree with you doesn't make them an alcoholic bully

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 27/12/2013 15:32

There is a lot on boards on this forum, I don't want to sound like aibu police but if you require let's say a relationship problem then post in relationship.

I like posting here and TBH I love the bluntness of the replys, no sugar coating ( although I do like a bit of fluffiness now and again)

TheCrumpetQueen · 27/12/2013 15:33

I think some people are just cunty.

phantomnamechanger · 27/12/2013 15:33

I'm sure alcohol plays a part in some of the threads- the ones where once one poster says something loads of others join in trying to outdo each other with their witty put-downs aimed at belittling the OP. Don't get me wrong, plenty of OPs are totally BU and deserve to be told so, but some I feel get dealt with harshly when everyone "piles in" - its a bit like schoolgirl bullying, wanting to be seen as fun/in with the popular girls.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 27/12/2013 15:33

Don't mind at all about posters being honest and opinionated - but this was a different level.

OP posts:
PrincessFlirtyPants · 27/12/2013 15:34

I've noticed a few posters are always unpleasant.

AIBU seems to have a mob mentality.

Not sure it's alcohol, but it could be.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 27/12/2013 15:34

I guess I wasn't prepared for that, phantom. And maybe I should have been.

OP posts:
koTinkaBell · 27/12/2013 15:36

I think some posters enjoy the bunfight aspect of aibu and only go on to let loose at other people in a way they couldn't in person. it's cowardly imo.

Upcycled · 27/12/2013 15:38

Yes, it is the bullies.
They don't show their true colours in the RL.
They should all flounce to BullysN.ett

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 27/12/2013 15:38

Something I meant add to my OP is that quite often I see 'I am too scared to post this in AIBU' over on Chat. In fact there is one such thread there right now.
I understand now. It's too much. Look - a bit of rudeness is fine. A bit. But being called precious, odd, told to get out more, that I should start a hobby, pushy, controlling, 'ffs get over yourself', rude and condescending, to get professional help, aggressive, shallow and facile..

It's TOO much. I can see why folks don't want to post in aibu. This was my first non-light-hearted aibu and it...well it has made me wonder why people are like that.

OP posts:
BuffyxSummers · 27/12/2013 15:39

I don't think it's alcohol. I think people have shit lives and when they get the rage they come on here and take it out on people. There was one I saw yesterday whose replies to the OP about her parenting were just so rude and I looked at the posters history (tut tut) and they could have done with following their own advice. Blatantly just posting to try and upset the OP.

ImperialBlether · 27/12/2013 15:41

On a lot of MN sections I think I'd really like to meet the posters. They are so witty and clever and thoughtful. When I read AIBU, I tend to think I wouldn't like to meet the posters. In fact I'd cross the road to avoid them!

I don't tend to notice usernames, given how often people change their names, so I don't know whether these are the same people who change their posting style from board to board, but I wish they would just keep the same name and post in the style that suits their personality most so that I would know who to avoid.

firesidechat · 27/12/2013 15:42

I think there is a very small percentage of people on MN who see AIBU as a license to be rude.

I don't mind the straight talking that is a feature of this site and it can be helpful in some circumstances, but on just about every thread someone, at some point will overstep the mark. Just like real life really.

It is impossible to know whether alcohol has anything to do with this though. Some people are just more blunt than others and to blame the demon drink is a bit unfair. We are also reading words on a page, without having body language to interpret, so many posters may not have meant to be offensive. It just reads that way.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2013 15:42

Well some posters refer to others as 'cunty'. To me, that's not nice. On a sliding scale, it's up there with 'twat' and it's worse than being called 'precious' or being offered a 'grip'.

I think it all depends where these words fall on your own personal barometer. I also think, just like school, it depends very much WHO says them.

Nobody is really too scared to post in AIBU, they just prefer wherever it is they're posting. It's a bit feeble to say that in anything other than jest and I always assume the poster is being 'tongue in cheek'. We're adults and there are posting guidelines. People DO get reported and deleted for stepping over the line and most posters don't 'run with the crowd'.

I affiliate to nobody but like and enjoy reading most posters on MN.

Rachelx92 · 27/12/2013 15:44

People are defo braver online than face to face. A woman got caught out lying on another mum site about what she allegedly said to someone to their face when she actually said fuck all to them so that was interesting. There's a thread going atm though where the op does sound like a self absorbed princess but that doesn't justify nastiness

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2013 15:45

Well I was going to say YANBU and perhaps (especially given the time of year) a lot of posts are alcohol fueled.

But then I read the thread in question and I have to say you were quite rude and patronising yourself imo.

Starting a thread in AIBU with the words "I'm not sure I'm prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable"....and then patronising people with "Sigh - are we all listening?"

Well let's face it, that was never going to go down well with anyone...drunk or sober! Xmas Grin

firesidechat · 27/12/2013 15:46

I slightly disagree WitchInTheWardrobe. There are definitely times when I have indeed been too cowardly to risk the bile on AIBU.

Original poster
CaptainTripps · 27/12/2013 15:49

Oh dear. It was frustrating that I had to repeat myself. Hence the 'listening' reply. That was a rude as I got. Sorry you had to read the original thread. You'll never get back that 10 minutes!

OP posts:
Original poster
CaptainTripps · 27/12/2013 15:50

That was an answer to worra.

OP posts:
FutureDreamer · 27/12/2013 15:52

Blunt = fine

Spiteful = unacceptable

There are a select group of posters who go out of their way to be unpleasant and deliberately hurt the OP. I tend to assume they are dull, miserable women who are pretty unsatisified with their lot and feel their days has improved if they can publicly belittle someone.