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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pissed women

55 replies

Boxingdaymonster · 27/12/2013 00:17

Just back from a party. Two women were really pissed. One married one single. Talking about sex loudly and single one how she liked uncomplicated sex with married men, bit of a laugh at first BUT it continued. Most other people merry and just having fun, not wild in Abu way.

Married ones DH got really pissed off and left, they got drunker and flirted with every man. Got my DH in a corner asking if he fancied single one, hands all over him etc. DH kept saying no, looked uncomfortable but did not push them off and walk awAy. Just had an almighty row as he says I am insecure but my point is that if two men encased me and touched me whilst asking if I wanted sex with them he would be pissed off - and I would have walked away.

So AIBU or is he?

As we left the party there was a women outside being restrained by her husband from going back in and punching the single woman who had proposition her husband . V.

OP posts:
MerryChristmasMollyHooper · 27/12/2013 01:26

I can think of lots of times in the past where I have had unwanted attention from drunk men and told them no, it's not nice.

I can't imagine DH starting a row with me over it, in fact it I would be extremely hurt and angry if he did.

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/12/2013 01:30

Yabu and your victim blaming. You should apologise and keep better company

RedToothBrush · 27/12/2013 01:41

So you started a fight with your husband because he was getting harassed by a couple of women and didn't like it or respond to their advances. But because he didn't respond in exactly the manner you required and by walking away, you think he might be being unreasonable and think that you might not be.

slow handclap

sykadelic15 · 27/12/2013 01:46

Well if you flipped that around and 2 men were being that crass they (hopefully) would have been kicked out long before it got to that and sent home in disgrace (or at least outside).

Flip it around to you were being accosted by 2 men yes, you'd hope your husband would step in (which you did eventually do). You would also most likely do exactly what he did, which is try not to make it worse by making a huge deal out of it (instead trying to just get away politely).

I would also hope your husband would realise you didn't ASK to be accosted and then tell you off for it.

That said, his you're just "insecure" comment bothers me, a LOT. It implies he WAS going along with the flirting and you should be less bothered by it (which is not the case).

You shouldn't have yelled at him, but I've had conversations with my husband during movies where I see similar situations and I've said "I expect you would ...." and there was ONE time he said he wouldn't want to physically hurt the girl by standing up suddenly if she sat on his lap etc etc. I of course got ticked and said I would expect nothing less. Her ass better be on the floor in less than 5 seconds.

DizzyZebra · 27/12/2013 01:48

DH Could have been more upfront. Mine was in a similar situation with two women pestering him and was quite upfront in telling them he had no interest in them as he has a partner, moved to 'i told you i have a partner, who is also pregnant, go and find someone who is single' and eventually told them outright to go away (May have swore too).

BUT i do understand some people freeze when confronted with a situation they are uncomfortable with, And i would only be really pissed off if he were encouraging them or flirting etc.

I don't think you are unreasonable in being annoyed with this womans behaviour. I would be annoyed in general tbh as i dont like drunken people falling over one another and would have probably left due to them. It makes me feel uneasy.

Alisvolatpropiis · 27/12/2013 01:49

syk

I think ops husband saying she was being insecure was completely justified in the circumstance we have been given.

Imagine if the tables were turned and it was her who had been shouted at after "asking for it" and being harassed.

bringoutthepringles · 27/12/2013 02:13

Make up with your Husband. Don't go to bed on this argument.

DizzyZebra · 27/12/2013 02:29

Yes i also agree that there would be uproar if a woman were being treated in this manner and she were painted in a negative light for not being upfront enough.

It is understandable that he froze and did nothing.

missingmumxox · 27/12/2013 04:06

Why is it his fault? Any more than 2 drink men having a pop at a female ? It's out of order and not! I repeat not his fault! He is a polite male,
If this is a reverse it is a good one

MinesAPintOfTea · 27/12/2013 04:53

Yabu he might not have reacted as powerfully to it as you wanted but he was a victim of harassment and trying to prevent the situation getting worse.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/12/2013 05:01

Yabvu, sorry.

He hasn't done anything wrong at all and in fact has been through an uncomfortable experience.

BohemianGirl · 27/12/2013 06:47

DH kept saying no, looked uncomfortable but did not push them off and walk awAy

Can you imagine the ructions if he had man-handled a woman?

TBH with you Op, it sounds like a god awful party all round. DH and I would have made our excuses and escaped

pregnantpause · 27/12/2013 07:47

Yabvu!

He was visibly uncomfortable, repeated no, but didn't escalate the situation by pushing them away. He did the right thing, I'm not sure what on earth you're angry.about- he didn't flirt with them, or act flattered, he wasn't stood there with a grin on his face saying look at these two- women love me! I'm not sure what you can possibly be insecure about in his reaction. But you're clearly annoyed at his reaction and for that yabu

Morgause · 27/12/2013 07:49

YABU. He was obviously very embarrassed and maybe afraid the situation could escalate. We are British and don't like to cause scenes, I think he handled it well.

TobyLerone · 27/12/2013 07:58

YABU and yes, a bit insecure.

Your husband can't really go around pushing women at parties (however dodgy the party guests sound in the first place). My husband would do exactly what yours did, and I'd be proud of him for handling the situation with dignity and without making an unnecessary scene.

I completely agree with PPs who have mentioned this happening to a woman and her being accused of not being assertive enough.

And if the situation were reversed, I'd be horrified if my husband waded in and started punching people (as has previously been mentioned). That's just not the way we conduct ourselves.

MPB · 27/12/2013 08:17

YABU.

superstarheartbreaker · 27/12/2013 09:37

It sounds hilarious tbh. He should take the piss and laugh it off. Jeremy Kyle would love it!

formerbabe · 27/12/2013 10:07

Dreadful behaviour. If its any consolation, they will probably be feeling like shit now they have sobered up...if they have any decency that is!

insancerre · 27/12/2013 10:18

So, you stood by and watched as your DH was sexually assulated by 2 women and did nothing, and now balme him?

Wow, just wow

mrsjay · 27/12/2013 10:23

they were drunk and innapropriate (sp) I would have left tbh your husband probably didnt want to make a huge fuss this isnt a case of him fancying anybody i dont think he was being mauled by a silly drunk person why didnt you leave , why did the married wmans husband storm off it all sounds like it got out of hand tbh

Original poster
Boxingdaymonster · 27/12/2013 11:07

Er no insancerre I didn't. I went and got him out of the situation and I am not angry with him for what happened but for the fact he said I was insecure .... These two women are not part of our close circle of friends, and one came along as the friend of the other. The hosts were mortified at the behaviour.

We left shortly after (DS tired) Not long after the hosts suggested these two women left.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boxingdaymonster · 27/12/2013 11:08

And DH and I are fine x

OP posts:
1nsertnamehere · 27/12/2013 11:14

He didn't do anything wrong. Just because he's a man doesn't mean that he can't feel uncomfortable and intimidated by women.

mrsjay · 27/12/2013 11:18

i dont think he was being mauled by a silly drunk person

I do think he was being mauled and didn't encourage it he did nothing wrong

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 27/12/2013 11:33

I'm a bit confused. 'He kept saying no and looked uncomfortable' but then he told you that you were insecure. That doesn't seem right to me. If he was uncomfortable I'd expect him to have said things like 'It was horrible, I didn't know how to get them off me, I wish you'd told them to fuck off' and if he enjoyed it I would have expected him to tell you that you were insecure... so, to me, your two statements about his reaction don't gel. You might want to think about what his actual reaction really was and take it from there.

If he was playing up to them I'd be well fucked off.

If he was bloody uncomfortable but unable to remove them I'd think he was a bit wet.

He should have been able to jokingly or firmly been able to dispose of two stupid drunk women mauling him - if he wanted to.