Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

irritated by FB statuses...

100 replies

VelvetSpoon · 26/12/2013 14:20

I absolutely know I'm being unreasonable but...

On my news feed today was:

2 pregnancy announcements
3 engagements
Far too many 'oh I'm such a lucky girl look what my boyfriend/man/hubby bought me' and accompanying photos
And loads and loads of 'what an amazing Xmas with all our family and friends'

I'm sure I should think 'oh how lovely' but having spent Xmas at home with me and DC (no other family) and not having anyone to buy me flashy presents, I'm just a bit Envy I guess...

OP posts:
cardibach · 26/12/2013 16:51

I've just read your last post, OP - why are the DCs in their rooms not being sociable? Do something together!

sweetmelissa · 26/12/2013 16:57

Oh I never take facebook statuses seriously "look at ME, look at ME, look at ME!"

But I am sorry you feel a bit lonely this Christmas. I understand because I have no extended family and all my friends are abroad. As you say friends always spend it with their families anyway. However, having read quite a few posts on here today I know were many people feeling lonely in a crowd yesterday or seething at something their in laws have said or done, and would have enjoyed a quiet Christmas. Guess the grass is always greener.

How old are your children? It gets harder after the Father Christmas years are over, but it gets good again, especially once the grandchildren start coming along.

Thinking of you xx

bebbeau · 26/12/2013 16:57

aww OP sometimes fb can make you feel shit, especially at this time of year, sorry you feel a bit rubbish Flowers

(no doubt you will be told you are being U and advised to come off fb etc...... Hmm )

Goodadvice1980 · 26/12/2013 16:57

I don't understand how your friends would not invite you to join them knowing that your Christmas day was like this.

I would never leave a friend to feel like this on Christmas day, particularly if they had no other family or a DP ....

sweetmelissa · 26/12/2013 17:01

As someone else said can't you get the children together to play a game or something. Even if they are older maybe you can encourage them down to play Trivial Pursuit or Monopoly - they might start off by moaning but might well enjoy themselves by the end. Or all watch a DVD together - I'm going to insist on that later! Depending on their ages, the children may well understand your feelings if you voice them.

Good luck!!

bebbeau · 26/12/2013 17:01

and i for one have people on my fb friends that are annoying on fb for whatever reason, ie moaning, woe is me or showing off but lovely in RL so would not want to delete them or come off fb because of them

annieorangutan · 26/12/2013 17:03

Most people meet with friends at some point in the day such as xmas evening party surely that could be arranged? Why dont your dcs want to talk to you or each other. How old are they?

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 26/12/2013 17:20

My DC are 15 and 12. They wouldn't play a game with me or each other except on pain of death. They spent all day yesterday with me, they would rather be in their rooms. I'm not going to make their Christmas shit by forcing them to sit in the living room with me.

Yesterday tbh was fine, it's just a bit boring today sat here on my own. I've read a book, watched a film, MN'ed and it's still pretty early.

I'm sure if I was actually on my own someone would have invited me for Xmas, The first year after my parents died, I spent Christmas with a friend and her family, which was lovely. I had DC1 the year after that, so not on my own.

OP posts:
octopusinasantasack · 26/12/2013 17:25

I think you just need to block the people who are annoying you, I have recently done that with somebody who posts pictures of every single aspect of their life and boasts a fair bit - pictures of massive hampers done for their 5 children for Xmas Eve, a lounge so full of presents that you couldn't see the carpet and so on. They won't change so I just choose not to see their posts.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 26/12/2013 17:34

IMO people who whinge about Facebook statuses should either 1) sort out their "friend" list or 2) get rid of Facebook.

Shockers · 26/12/2013 17:37

annieorangutan, bless ya!

I was the hefty one trailing behind with the rucksack full of Christmas cake and coffee Grin

GoodNewsGrinch · 26/12/2013 17:42

I feel for you op because although fb doesn't bother me most of the time, this year was my first Christmas as a lone parent and the inevitable boastful 'perfect fambo Christmas' updates would have been too much. Despite not logging in yesterday and avoiding it like the plague, I still managed to find out about one friends engagement and it upset me more than it should have. I started a thread of my own yesterday but today I have got a grip of myself and my bitterness Grin.

For those saying that people are projecting too much on the reasons behind status updates, I think there is a world of difference between quietly updating friends with good news and going all out boastful. Like posting a photo of a huge solitaire and 'wow, look at me, he loves me soooooo much, I'm so lucky, a carat at least, luckiest girl in the world etc'. These people would never make such boak inducing statements when announcing their engagements face to face. Well, except my horrible SIL who without word walked over to be and actually shoved her ring finger so close to my face I couldn't actually see the ring anyway Hmm. Facebook gives people an 'acceptable' platform to be nauseatingly boastful. There's just no need. It is not socially acceptable to behave like this in person so why so online?

GoodNewsGrinch · 26/12/2013 17:44

Oh, and I've pared down my friends list to actual close friends and family - no acquaintances in sight but still the boasting goes on.

daisychain01 · 26/12/2013 17:46

Hi Velvet, you raise important issues about Facebook - which are so recurring, at least 2 threads per week pop-up on this theme.

It's fine if everyone is having a fun time to share all these "Santa's been" posts, "I am blessed" and DC's waving £50 notes into an iPhone camera. People don't take account of the fact not everyone is happy at Christmas, but they are still connected as Facebook friends, so they have it shoved in their face, like it or lump it. They probably feel they should be allowed to post what they like, and its up to people to either read or exclude them from their newsfeed. Folk like you (and tbh, me!) prefer to self-regulate. I self-regulated so much, I deleted my account 2 years ago! I can live without it and I haven't lost any RL friends either. I get photos via email, texts and so on.

Facebook is American - it is designed around celebrating success and playing to an audience - "I have it all!" "look at me, me, me" - it is natural and acceptable for Americans to behave that way because it is built into their land-of-opportunity culture from day-one.

Us Brits are, by our nature, more self-effacing and less showy - so when Facebook is set loose on our culture, and people use it as it was designed/intended, you find some folk struggle with it.

I wish you good luck and happiness in your RL in 2014, to find yourhappiness and enjoy life with your DC!

daisychain01 · 26/12/2013 17:49

and my wishes go to GoodnewsGrinch and anyone else feeling lonely at the mo. My Christmas from hell was 2 years ago, when DH was really ill, so I do feel for people having it tough at Christmas

GoodNewsGrinch · 26/12/2013 17:52

Thank you so much daisy. That really means a lot. Not one of my RL friends have acknowledged how difficult this year would be for me, I've not heard from anyone at all.

MN has been my saving grace all throughout the dying days of my relationship and even now dealing with adjusting to life as a single parent. I don't think I'd have coped this year without it Flowers.

Shockers · 26/12/2013 17:53

Sorry, pressed too soon... MrsDeVere, that's a bit sad isn't it? Our walk was the nicest bit of my day, we did it with another family and we have decided that it shall be a Christmas tradition from hereon.

I hope think that my friends will appreciate that being outdoors with dog/friends/children and DH is something that makes me happy... but then again, those folk with the diamonds etc probably hope think the same.

To be fair to Velvet, she started this thread with I absolutely know I'm being unreasonable but...

If it helps VelvetSpoon, we've not had family round since the year my mother got pished and called DH a 'tosser' in front of the DCs Xmas Shock.

daisychain01 · 26/12/2013 17:56

GoodNewsGrinch Flowers you're most welcome. Christmas is but one day - thank goodness it is done and dusted now, and time for lots of possibilities in 2014!

stooshe · 26/12/2013 18:00

Do yourself a favour and do what I did, next year. About the 20th December, wish all your Face Book friends merry xmas and say that you are signing off for a few days. This prevents you from putting up congratulatory pictures of xmas presents, cooked turkey before carving and all that jazz.
I didn't say that it should stop you from peeking, on Boxing day at who practiced their christmas boastiness the worst via Face Book! What do they expect people to say when smug pictures are put up? If it was me, I would not take every "like" for a heartfelt "like". Then again I use Face Book for communication with people who I like and do not see often. No family, apart from my daughter and no real life friends who I do or can see regularly in "real" life.

MrsDeVere · 26/12/2013 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 26/12/2013 18:43

I've been off work for a week already, and don't go back til Mon, which doesn't help. I never normally have much time off at Christmas, so am probably too busy to have time to go on FB. This year however...

I know it's envy, and boredom. I just would like to be surrounded by family like other people are. Or just to have had a proper conversation in the last few days!

OP posts:
LayMizzRarb · 26/12/2013 19:04

You probably would have liked my status. My oven broke, and Christmas dinner became hamburgers and sautéed potatoes. We actually found in funny, and in a reflective moment, agreed that if that was the worse to happen to us all year, then we were lucky people.
People could say your post was smug OP. Lots of people reading this, will never know the joys of having children, or have children they are grieving for.
If you don't like to read about your friends lives then it's maybe time to leave facebook? Or you can always stop the notifications, so you won't be reminded to visit the site.
You do have family. Your DC.

ilovesooty · 26/12/2013 19:26

I feel for you. I've spent the last two days on my own and will be glad to get back to work tomorrow.

Frigintinsella · 26/12/2013 19:53

I got rid of my fb a couple of weeks ago, for this exact reason!

I know that material possessions aren't the be all and end all but when all you seem to see is everyone enjoying their life with dates, nights out, new things with their seemingly endless streams of money and you can't even afford a trip to the cinema with your DP Confused its crap!

It feels better once you've left FB, or blocked the main culprits if you dont want to completely get rid,
It doesn't have to be forever, maybe just until you feel happier in your self not to let these things bother you.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 26/12/2013 20:20

It's not the money side, I have enough to do what I want, within reason (hopefully that won't be inferred as smug Hmm but never put anything money-related on FB because I know others are having hard times).

I just want the stuff I can't have...!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread