My weight...again

[thoughtsbecomethings]

My dm has always had a problem with my weight. I have always been a large girl now a size 20. My dm is and always has been obsessed with her weight. She criticises me because of it, watches and comments what I eat , what I wear. Had stated she thinks I should have a gastric band fitted.
When I was 7 she watched me do ballet and afterwards said I looked like a baby elephant. I never went back to ballet.
She has again 9am on Boxing Day started this whole conversation/ discussion saying she's worried about my health.

Am I being unreasonable ?
Typing this with tears streaming. Now feeling as usual a failure

If you cared you wouldn't make a big deal out of it unless they had medical issues arising from the weight gain.

Not sure I agree with that, if we are talking about people who are obese then it is unhealthy, there was actually a report recently which said that it was pretty much impossible to be obese and healthy and if you are appearing healthy that doesn't mean long term damage isn't being done.

Being obese IS bad for your health, that doesn't mean people should pressure friends and relatives to change but it is understandable that they will be concerned about the long term health.

"People bang on about weight so much more than do about other 'health' problems and it simply because they care about the way you look. Parents caring so much if their kids look conventionally attractive is odd to me but the 'health' issue is a red herring."

Don't agree. As a parent many things would worry me about my children's health. What they eat, if they smoked, drank to excess, drugs etc. Guess being overweight is just so much more obvious to see. And if my child was overweight since early childhood then yes, of course I'd feel a failure.

Agree with some posters here: if my DC was overweight I would be very concerned for the increased chances of health problems in later life but I hope I wouldn't express my concerns as cruelly as the OP's mother.

You are not a failure. You are a person that has been failed by your mother. Why on earth would anybody say that to a 7 year old and more to the point, why did she allow you get to the size of a 'baby elephant' anyway. A seven year old is in no way responsible for how they look or what they eat.

People who make insensitive comments about one's weight are rarely interested in physical health associated with excess weight, moreover it's usually about how one looks. If she was intelligent enough to actually have real cause for concern, she would also be able to articulate that in a non-critical manner, which she can't or doesn't seem to want to do.

My mother disapproves of my weight gain (am currently a size12/14 and am 5'8) despite the fact that I had 3 children in 4.5 years and am nearly 40. She is someone who values physical looks above all else and I pity her in many respects. Having said that she is nowhere near as nasty as your own mum.

I have no advice other than to say, she is treating you the way you are allowing her to and whilst it is difficult, you must in no uncertain terms tell her how she is making you feel and that it must stop or it will affect your relationship in the future.

Can I suggest that people who are actually interested in both the metabolic and psychological issues associated with obesity look at an excellent blog by Dr Sharma.

Sirzy that paper to which you refer, was hacked to pieces with two days of it being in press and is utterly meaningless!

www.drsharma.ca/

This guy is a physician, a researcher and is a recognised expert globally, in obesity research and treatment.

I have a weight problem and I agree that being overweight can lead to health problems. In an ideal world no-one would choose to be overweight but I think being constantly criticized by your mother and close relatives is going to have an equally bad effect on your mental health which is just as bad. Poor mental health has just as bad a result in your life as poor physical health.

I also think that to have a good chance of beating a weight problem you need good self esteem and confidence in yourself. Its really hard and you need to believe you can do it and push yourself past any difficulties and know how and where to find support when you need it.

Im not talking about a case where someone may have gained weight as an adult and their parents might be genuinely concerned about their health. In that case maybe they could sensitively chat about it and offer support. That is very different. Loving supportive family can be a big help, but at the end of the day no-one can do it for you so you need to find that inner strength yourself.