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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me if IABU? Puppy v Baby

142 replies

PMDD · 26/12/2013 10:38

I genuinely don't know if IABU. I have a 13 week old Labrador puppy. My db has a 5 week old son, my nephew. I totally believe my new dn is far more important than my puppy. A dog is a dog, a human is a human. However, a dog is still a living creature and I wouldn't want to hurt or damage a dog.

Yesterday (Christmas Day), db came round at 4. As I answered the door he instantly said you need to lock the dog and cats away as dn is here. Dn has never been round my house before so I have never faced this.

I have always locked the cats out for my db as my dsil is very anti cats. She sees them as vermin. They can stay outside as I lock the cat flap.

I locked the puppy in her cage. They only stayed an hour and a half so that was no problem.

Today (Boxing Day), the whole family are coming round for the day. Father, Mother, brother, sister, lots of nieces and nephews and my 3 children are here - there will be 15 of us.

I can't lock my puppy in her cage all day, I don't think it is fair. However, with so many people the doors will be opening and closing constantly so it will be impractical to lock the puppy in 1 room. Also, my house is quite open plan so there isn't an obvious room to lock her in.

I know my db expects my puppy to be locked in her cage. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
revivingsnowshower · 26/12/2013 12:44

I was looking after a friends bouncy young dog a couple of weeks ago and when it got to the evening he got a bit crazy, I couldn't get him to settle down so I put his lead on so I could keep him under control a bit easier and it was really funny, he calmed down right away and came and sat next to me and went to sleep.
Not sure if this will work with your puppy op as she is a bit young but it will be one way to keep her near you but under control if you need to.

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/12/2013 12:53

Your brother and sister in law are being unreasonable.

Your nephew is 5 weeks old. He will presumably spend the entire time being held by somebody.

A bouncy young puppy would be more problematic with a toddler.

The no tv or music thing? Is he their first baby? Because that's bonkers.

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/12/2013 12:55

I'd do the walks,possibly use the lead but otherwise leave the puppy out of the cage.

Your brother and sister in law are free to leave if they don't like it.

PresidentServalan · 26/12/2013 14:06

I wouldn't shut my pets away for visitors - it's their home. If they don't like the animals then that's their problem.

Rhubarbgarden · 26/12/2013 14:37

Your DB and SIL ABU. Your animals live there, it is their home. It would be very wrong to lock them away. As everyone else has said, it's a five week old baby ffs; it's not going to be left unattended for a minute anyway especially as they are clearly ridiculously paranoid.

The Spanish thing is no excuse either. I know plenty of Spanish people with cats and dogs.

MiaowTheCat · 26/12/2013 14:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

selfdestructivelady · 26/12/2013 14:55

Don't start locking the puppy away I did us my nan is scared and now it's a pain take my word for it let them either leave or accept it.

PhdCopy · 26/12/2013 14:58

I am not particular fan of cats and dogs but I would never ever want them to be locked. Maybe while you are having diner I would put then away for the shortest period of time and I would let them out ASAP after the meal.
Cats and dog are part of your household, you come as a package same as your DB and his family.
Pls don't lock small puppy away... And I am speaking as someone who is petrified of dogs ( bad experiences as a child).

HazleNutt · 26/12/2013 15:01

what exactly do they think the dog will do? They're not planning to put the baby in the middle of the floor, are they?

JRmumma · 26/12/2013 15:02

I don't like cats or dogs, and i don't allow them in my house, so friends and family know that if they are invited over then that invite us not extended to the dog.

HOWEVER, i would never try and dictate whether someone else had pets in their home EVER. If i had a problem with it, then i just wouldn't go to their house. Its tour db and sil's problem to ensure the safety of their baby in your house. It would be terribly cruel to keep it locked up all day. Dogs get terribly lonely

Theodorous · 26/12/2013 15:57

I will never get people who hate all animals. And as for the sniffing objectors, get over yourselves. I am always wary if animal haters, they are often the same people who are pretty shut towards humans as well. I would ring and say you've got chicken pox, that should keep them away and you can have a nice day instead.

OwlinaTree · 26/12/2013 16:15

I'm interested in this. Usually the reaction from mn is that dogs should be kept away from children due to riskof injury. Seems to be the other way round here.

Although in this instance the very small baby will probably be in people's arms, and very small puppy is unlikely to be uncontrollable due to its size, it is quite possible that the parents are expressing their preference now for not having dogs round their child.

They may feel that if they don't ask for the dog to be away this time, then on future visits it will be harder for them to request this, as they were OK with it on the first visit.

Lweji · 26/12/2013 16:38

Sniffing objectors.

Who wants to risk a dog biting a 5 week old (!) baby by allowing it to sniff the baby???
What is the point of a puppy sniffing a small baby that is highly unlikely to meet anyway?
Particularly a "mouthy" puppy?

The mind boggles.

Lweji · 26/12/2013 16:39

Also I love dogs, always play with them, let them sniff my hand if they seem friendly enough, and have a cat.
I wouldn't allow any dog to sniff a 5 week old.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 26/12/2013 17:41

and as for the sniffing objectors, get over yourselves

Yes. You're right. Hmm It makes perfect sense (if one is a fucking moron who doesn't care if a baby is scarred for life) to let a "mouthy" puppy put it's muzzle near a 5 week old baby.

Not seen any self proclaimed animal haters here tbh.

ShinyBauble · 26/12/2013 17:58

"A puppy sniffing a tiny baby???!!

Ohi'm sure it's fine.
Like they all are until we hear about them on the news."

I don't think I've ever heard of a golden retriever puppy mauling a baby...

pumpkinsweetie · 26/12/2013 18:00

Your house, your puppy! Simples!

Lweji · 26/12/2013 18:03

As it was asked:

www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/392467-my-labrador-bit-my-8-month-old-baby-today-not-sure-what-to-do-with-him

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2132912/Horror-family-dog-kills-dismembers-month-old-baby-father-slept.html

It's a labrador puppy, btw, who "mouths".

While it may not maul the baby, it could still cause injuries.

foreverondiet · 26/12/2013 18:04

The baby is only 5 weeks old. He will either be held by someone or sleeping say in a carrycot in which case he can be a room with the door closed so the puppy can't get in. Or if the baby is lying on the floor an adult can sit beside him or have a gate on the room so the puppy can go everywhere else.

Think very unreasonable to ask puppy to be locked in cage all day.

Stripyhoglets · 26/12/2013 18:08

On the lead is a good idea, my kids were slightly overwhelmed by a Labrador puppy in the family that visited regularly, but was very bouncy and mouthed an awful lot. The owner would put a lead on and keep the puppy close to him when family gatherings involved children. The pup still enjoyed the company but learnt what she could/couldn't do. Shutting the dog away for extended periods of time may induce separation anxiety.

Lemons1571 · 26/12/2013 18:23

I have a similar anxiety with my ILs and their 3 month old lab. My 3yo could get 'mouthed' and my 8yo is scared of puppies as one nipped him once.

If it happened though, My ILs would minimise this by defending the dog. Their last dog controlled them and presumably this one will too. We haven't visited yet and they have already told me in a not-so subtle way that I am too anxious and it's best to tell my children that they just have to get on with it. This apparently is reassurance for me. And they refuse to entertain the idea of us staying in a hotel for the first visit (introduction).

Sorry to hijack, but if anyone has any advice I'd be pleased to hear it Sad

Costacoffeeplease · 26/12/2013 18:34

I feel very sorry for children that are brought up to be scared of animals, it is totally unnecessary for parents to indulge them by keeping them away from dogs and cats, reinforcing their fears, and assuming all dogs/puppies will bite is totally OTT. There is plenty of sensible advice online about puppy/dog/child training and to have an 8 year old who is scared because a puppy nipped him once is just ridiculous - you should be taking active steps to stop this now

everlong · 26/12/2013 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Budgiegirlbob · 26/12/2013 18:45

I have a lab, he is 3 now, but when he was a puppy there was no way I would let him anywhere near a baby. Puppies are bouncy, biting creatures, it's the way they play. He will probably see the baby as another puppy, and want to play with it.

Even if the baby is held, the puppy could easily jump up to reach it. They are surprisingly tall when up on hind legs.

I think it's unreasonable to expect the puppy to be locked away in another room. But it's not unreasonable for you to leash it while in the same room as the baby, infact it's the only sensible thing to do. A combination of leash, crate, short walk (can't be more that 20 mins for the puppy's joints), and a few quick play sessions in the garden, and everyone should be happy.

For those who say it's ok to let a boisterous puppy near to a small baby, you've either never had a puppy, or have taken an enormous risk

steff13 · 26/12/2013 18:54

Maybe your brother and SIL would be better off hosting the family at there house in the future if they are going to have so many restrictions. Unless they are going to throw the baby on the floor to fend for himself, I don't see the problem with the puppy being around.

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