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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at dp packing up the gifts?

33 replies

NachoAddict · 26/12/2013 10:02

Dp has got up early this morning which never happens. He has packed the dcs presents and put them up in their bedrooms. We never do that, he has lived her for three years and we always let the gifts stay downstairs for a few days while they have chance to open and play with everything.

He is goin to collect his own daughter now her presents are under the tree, equal to what my own children got and he warned my children not to crowd round her while she opens her gifts.

AIBU to think he is trying to wipe out the,Christmas we had yesterday and recreate it all again for his dd like it never happened. I am all for making kids feel special but not at the expense of pa king my kids up.

Hw,says he was tidying up "for you" and now he won't bother tidying another thing in this house, not that he ever does anyway.

so am I being unreasonable to think its unfair that my children's stiff is sent yo their rooms while dsd gets to enjoy her stuff downstairs?

Dc are ds8, dd5 And dsd 5.

ds2s stuff is still downstairs but he shares a room with us.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 26/12/2013 10:03

I would tell your children to bring down as much of their Christmas stuff as they like.

FunkyBoldRibena · 26/12/2013 10:04

I'd get it back out and take it downstairs for them to continue playing with in their own house.

Squitten · 26/12/2013 10:04

Well bring them down again!

RedLondonBus · 26/12/2013 10:05

I sense lots of resentment here.... Lots!

He's expecting your dc to sit and watch silently? Or does he want them away in their rooms uninvolved?

Goodadvice1980 · 26/12/2013 10:07

Bring the gifts back down!

Your partner is an arse.

BohemianGirl · 26/12/2013 10:08

I know it's bad form to look back, but is this the same step child who started calling you mummy and has a poor home life?

Lweji · 26/12/2013 10:08

On his DD front, I sort of understand, as he didn't get to spend the day with her and he probably wants to make her gift opening special while with him.
I think I'd go with it, and once her presents are unwrapped, get everyone to go and check DCs presents and they can bring down what they want with is DD and everyone to play with the presents.

His not tidying up at all ever is another matter, and I think that's something you should be tackling soon rather than later.

Anniegetyourgun · 26/12/2013 10:08

LTB.

Original poster

NachoAddict · 26/12/2013 10:10

That's quite a simple solution, embarrassed I didn't think of it. I can bring it back down again.

He said they can come down but not crowd her.

I said he is being unfair like their Christmas is over just because dsd is coming. He said well as long as YOUR kids have a lovely Christmas eh.

Its nit my fault dsd couldn't be here yesterday, we have had her at christmas morning before but his ex said we could only have her boxing day this year. I still bought her tons of gifts equal to the other kids, wrapped them all, downloaded music I know she likes onto an mp3 player for her.

I want her to have a lovely Christmas with us, but I want them all to have it together, I don't want my kids shoved out of the way.

OP posts:

Original poster

NachoAddict · 26/12/2013 10:12

bohemian it is one and the same, she still sometimes calls me mum/mummy but her own mum has much improved since having her second child, not perfect but certainly spending more time with her. Hence why we weren't allowed her yesterday.

OP posts:

Lweji · 26/12/2013 10:14

What would piss me off, actually, would be that he didn't talk about it with you. He made an unilateral decision about the gifts and what would happen.
Plus he's "allowing" the gifts down with conditions?

How else is he in the relationship?

DeathByLaundry · 26/12/2013 10:16

Honestly it seems that this is a much bigger deal than it needs to be. I'd have tidied too, it makes sense. Did he say they weren't allowed back downstairs again? If it were my child I'd want them to have a special time to open presents too. That has no bearing or relevance on your DC. In an hour it'll all be forgotten while they all compare notes about what they got and check each other's things out. Why the big deal? Are your DC upset by this?

ImAnElfJeSuisUneElf · 26/12/2013 10:18

I think, actually, your DP is trying to do the best for his daughter, although he's totally misjudged how to go about it.

Iwannalaylikethisforever · 26/12/2013 10:24

Agree with others - Bring them down, realistically children will want stepdaughter toys if nothing of their own. His guilt may need to be talked about.

sparklysilversequins · 26/12/2013 10:25

I would just bring them back down without saying a anything. If he did I would say "we always leave then down for a few days, will be nice for DSD to see them too, then they can all play with their toys together."

so bloody happy I am single and don't have to deal with this kind of PA nonsense

BackforGood · 26/12/2013 10:29

I agree with DeathbyLaundry. Seems to be a fuss over nothing. When we have people (anyone - could be grandparents or cousins or friends) coming over on Boxing day or the next day, then it makes sense to clear a bit of space in the living room. New presents then get opened, then generally occupants of the house bring down some of what they had to show.
I think too much is made of this as it's a 'step child' situation, whereas this is pretty normal practice for families without step children.

cantheyseeme · 26/12/2013 10:31

How nice of him to allow your children to be downstairs whilst she opens presents.... in their home....

Nagoo · 26/12/2013 10:32

I think you are making a massive deal out of it, building it all up. I tidied up last night and pit everything in the playroom. Doesn't mean that the DC won't be actively encouraged to get it all out again! Just means they'll have a bit more room to play.

It's you that decided he's erasing Christmas. I'm sure he's just tidying up, making the house look nice and ou can all have a nice day together.

Let your kids brig down whatever they want, and try not to think about it too much.

NurseRoscoe · 26/12/2013 10:37

I think at 8 & 5 your children are old enough to play with their toys in their rooms, my two year old plays in his room sometimes, granted we have a small flat not a house with stairs etc and I can hear him but children often don't mind a bit of time to themselves just like adults!

If it were me I would thank him for tidying up BUT explain that if your children want to play with you, him and his daughter then they will be allowed to bring a few toys down. I don't like masses of toys in the front room either.

Your step daughter opening her presents will only have half hour or so won't it?! let him have this moment with her then they can all play with their presents together.

cantheyseeme · 26/12/2013 10:39

My dp has been tidying at every chance, but for no other reason than the clutter makes him itch, its hilarious as dd1 just gets it all out again

BalloonSlayer · 26/12/2013 10:40

I think this is a bit of an over-reaction.

It's not like he has taken their presents away, just put them away.

Presumably as DSD is the same age as your DD, some of the presents might be the same? So DSD might see them in DD's pile and then the surprise will be ruined. Or they are not the same and that could bring its own issues - not that I am suggesting you have treated them differently but things often seem 100 x more attractive when someone else has got them.

What I'd suggest is waiting till DSD had unwrapped her presents, and they are in an unwrapped pile, then saying loudly to the other DCs - "Hey, do you want to bring any of your stuff back down now?"

NearTheWindmill · 26/12/2013 10:40

Her dad didn't have Christmas with his dd yesterday. He had it with your children and presumably made it special for them together with you. It sounds as though his dd has had a rough time of it. I think all you have to do is make sure that she has as good a time today as your had yesterday and probably will have again today and tomorrow and the day after. If dsd hasn't always had that and might not necessarily in the future I think you need to go to a small, quiet room and give yourself a talking to and then come out with a smile and some plenty of good cheer.

Original poster

NachoAddict · 26/12/2013 10:54

Well Dsd arrived we opened her presents and they are happily sticking glow stars to the bedroom walls.

they do have a lot of the same stuff but we had already put dds stuff in a box so dsd wouldn't see.

I will take it on the chin that I was being Unreasonable, lots of backstory that I wont bore you all with, hence why I had to ask.

Now going yo concentrate on making lots of mess with all four children's toys.

OP posts:

cantheyseeme · 26/12/2013 10:54

Its maybe the wording OP has used which makes him sound like a twat, like warned dcs not to crowd etc, warned. Hate that word. I am seeing it a bit different now though as like other posters have said, he didnt see his dd yesterday....

Original poster

NachoAddict · 26/12/2013 11:03

Nagoo he never tidies any other time so it would be a huge coincidence that he has decided to start now.

OP posts:

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