to be annoyed at dp packing up the gifts?

[NachoAddict]

Dp has got up early this morning which never happens. He has packed the dcs presents and put them up in their bedrooms. We never do that, he has lived her for three years and we always let the gifts stay downstairs for a few days while they have chance to open and play with everything.

He is goin to collect his own daughter now her presents are under the tree, equal to what my own children got and he warned my children not to crowd round her while she opens her gifts.

AIBU to think he is trying to wipe out the,Christmas we had yesterday and recreate it all again for his dd like it never happened. I am all for making kids feel special but not at the expense of pa king my kids up.

Hw,says he was tidying up "for you" and now he won't bother tidying another thing in this house, not that he ever does anyway.

so am I being unreasonable to think its unfair that my children's stiff is sent yo their rooms while dsd gets to enjoy her stuff downstairs?

Dc are ds8, dd5 And dsd 5.

ds2s stuff is still downstairs but he shares a room with us.

I think you're not being unreasonable at all. I wouldn't have that in my home at all. How dare he treat your children like that? Tough on his daughter, but it's not your kids' fault. If he can't find a way to have his daughter visit while bearing in mind that your kids live in their house, he needs to find another place to bring her.

It's usually not a problem Apocalypse dsd shares a room with dd they have their own beds & space etc and we rub along ok. I think he has got carried away with wanting dsd to have a nice Christmas with us and gone about it wrong. I am still annoyed tbh but have put it aside for now, dd and ds1 will be going to their dads soon so we are all making lip balms together. Don't want to spoil the day dragging a row on.

Well you know the situation and I don't but I do think he's got to be clear in the distinction between your kids making space for the daughter and making way. Because it sounds like a refresher might be in order.

I think by not crowding round her he could've meant well. My similarly aged and slightly older dsc always used to crowd dd, tell her what to unwrap and even unwrap presents for her on her birthday because they were excited for her. Why not just have all the kids openthe ppresents on the same day - I.e. Whenever youhave dsd?

Jinglemel because my dc have gone to their dads this afternoon so they wouldn't have chance to play with anything if they waited until today to open them. Because my ex and dps ex have their own plans etc it is difficult to have them all together ay the same time over Christmas which is a shame. We did do that last year because we had dsd Christmas morning and it was perfect but we weren't allowed her until today this year.

Apocalypse I do agree that we need to talk about it, for now he knows I wasn't impressed which is enough until the dc are in bed. I think as someone said up thread he feels guilty that he was with my children and not her and wants to give her exactly what they had which was a lovely day. He just didn't think that even a different day can still be lovely and dsd said herself she had a great Christmas with her mum, stepdad, grandparents and baby sibling. She also had a Christmas day on Christmas eve with mil, sil and her dc so another replica Christmas day is a bit much.

He told your kids not to crowd his dd while she opens her gifts

Ah I see. Maybe you could arrange with your respective exes to have set alternate Christmasses so that this problem is avoided in your house in future?

I haven't got stepchildren so this is purely observational, but I imagine the central tenet of a blended family is "don't sweat the small stuff". So his perfectionism and your sensitivity are going to cause trouble if you don't both take a conscious decision to set them aside. Surely there are not "his children" and "your children", they are "our children", who happen to have other close relatives to spend time with, and as such you both need to take care not to invent divisions that don't actually exist.