To think that an adult should assume there is no present for them?

[biscuitjarpatrol]

BIL (sister's partner) we don't see often, don't know him well but like him. We saw them last week and exchanged presents, but just gave him a pack of 6 of his favourite bottled real ale, unwrapped, and said 'Hope you don't mind we didn't wrap it, but it was too heavy and bulky, besides you're too old for surprises ha ha ha' etc.

Today, sister phoned and asked why there was nothing for BIL. Reminded her about the beer, she repeated this to him and then I could hear him saying of course, he could remember now.

AIBU to think that they should have just thought that there was nothing for him when they found nothing wrapped up for him in the bag I gave them?

I don't mind at all that they forgot about the beer, it was a small offering and poorly presented, but I do mind that they chased me up about a present for a man. We both have children so the bulk of presents exchanged are for them, adult presents tend to be a token eg they gave DH a novelty trivia game this year.

So am I? Been chuntering about this since this morning

I think it was probably your dsis who was being protective over him....wondering why you'd snubbed him, trying to read something into nothing - wondering whether you didn't like him....I doubt he was bothered, it would put me right off a man who was.
I'm so glad we don't do adults and presents at Christmas.

Could your SIL have just been phoning to say happy christmas generally as it's nice to call people on Christmas day, and also worrying that she'd forgotten to pick the present up/ take it with her? I would phone up a close family member under those circumstances, as I wouldn't want to offend someone by not saying thank you for something when they expected me to.

This guy is getting a bit of a hard time on here! Did your sis phone just to demand a present? Or was it more a "hi thanks for the presents for me and kids, oh, btw, have you still got dh present? Oh yes the beer. That got drunk ages ago, ooops.". That of conversation?

Crossed with Isabella.

We did say merry Christmas before she asked. There was no oops or 'silly us, forgetting' response, more 'oh yes'.

Yeah, next year- one beer lavishly wrapped.

Having said that, it is a little disconcerting when you can't find a present you expect. Bil 'forgot' ds present last year- or maybe it was lost I don't know. Do I hold a grudge?

Er..

Oh yes, could mean the same thing? I don't know your sister but my gut feeling is that they didn't mean to offend and the dh was not that bothered.

I wouldn't have questioned it but I also couldn't sit around handing out presents and leave one person out, regardless of whether they'd been given an unwrapped present early.

We had an in law of an in law with us yesterday. We barely know him, he speaks very little English. He got a present. No question he wouldn't. It's very rude to sit there opening all your presents while someone has nothing.

Gwendoline, we didn't spend the day with them. There was no handing out presents to open there and then. I'd plonked the beer in BIL's arms with a hug and a kiss then given sister her and niece's presents in a carrier bag.

Did you tell him it was his Christmas present?

Yes, we joked about not opening it before Christmas so it didn't ruin the surprise, I said I thought he'd rather have something I knew he'd like than another novelty present from us, he joked it was his favourite present so far etc. It had a foil bow on it.

This was all very clear in the original post, sigh.

If there is a history of wrapped offerings between you they may still have thought there was a present that you hadn't given them. Only you know your sister and bil and the traditions within your own family. I don't think yabu but it is probably best to let this go. Especially as you all seem to get on usually.

I can't believe that after three pages of OP explaining repeatedly that they exchanged all the gifts at the same time and the only difference was that BIL's wasn't covered in wrapping paper, people are still telling her she was mean not to give him a present

I'm not the world's greatest wrapper and have in the past struggled with wrapping bottles in any effective or attractive way. It's not as if you can effectively conceal what is in the packet if it is more or less shaped like a pack of beer and clinks when you lift it. Adding a festive bow sounds like a good compromise.

It does sound as though BIL may be simply absent-minded, or wasn't really listening when his wife asked him what present he had had. She was also there when it was handed over, but then again in a flurry of greetings and exchanges it's easy to forget details. Or maybe she has Issues (slightly hinted at in one or two posts). Whatever the case, though, I really can't see that OP did anything to be pulled up on.

Personally if I'd had some booze for a gift I'd have stuck it under the tree, wrapped or not, because the more things under there the merrier, and treats are better if you have to wait a little while for them. If he guzzled it down early that's his look-out!

Actually, wait, I did have some booze for a gift. Unwrapped, but nevertheless very welcome. (Coffee Baileys if anyone's interested.) I'd forgotten it even though it is in fact right next to my keyboard and I can see it as I type. There's a meaningful point in there somewhere.

Thank you Annie

If that was aimed at me Annie i was in fact trying to make the exact same point you're making! I never said the op was mean, just trying to work out sils behavior (gives up)