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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that an adult should assume there is no present for them?

67 replies

biscuitjarpatrol · 25/12/2013 23:36

BIL (sister's partner) we don't see often, don't know him well but like him. We saw them last week and exchanged presents, but just gave him a pack of 6 of his favourite bottled real ale, unwrapped, and said 'Hope you don't mind we didn't wrap it, but it was too heavy and bulky, besides you're too old for surprises ha ha ha' etc.

Today, sister phoned and asked why there was nothing for BIL. Reminded her about the beer, she repeated this to him and then I could hear him saying of course, he could remember now.

AIBU to think that they should have just thought that there was nothing for him when they found nothing wrapped up for him in the bag I gave them?

I don't mind at all that they forgot about the beer, it was a small offering and poorly presented, but I do mind that they chased me up about a present for a man. We both have children so the bulk of presents exchanged are for them, adult presents tend to be a token eg they gave DH a novelty trivia game this year.

So am I? Been chuntering about this since this morning Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
biscuitjarpatrol · 26/12/2013 00:35

Grin Not sure if my sister is that much of a pushover, I'm fairly certain it will have been her that cared more, especially when she saw a chance to embarrass me. Meh, I'll give him something really shit next year like a novelty trivia game.

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 26/12/2013 00:39

I think if everyone in the family got a present except BIL then it's fair enough to ask why- what if they were worried he had upset you without realising? Or that you had taken against him for some reason?

Original poster
biscuitjarpatrol · 26/12/2013 00:43

I can't help it if he/they forgot something from last week. I really didn't think that not having a wrapped item under the tree would be an issue in this instance.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 26/12/2013 00:46

I just think it sounds like there might be a bit more to this story. Why was he given his present a week ago and it's a six pack that wasn't wrapped, while everyone else got something wrapped under the tree? That's why I wonder if there is a history between the family of him not being included and this just felt like a bit of a snub to your sister?

Original poster
biscuitjarpatrol · 26/12/2013 00:49

He was given it last week because it was too bulky to wrap, and we thought it silly to put it under the tree with the wrapped things. Also he might want to drink it before Christmas. We only see them once a year, all the presents were handed over at the same time.

We like him, there is no conspiracy. We bought him something we know he likes.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 26/12/2013 00:55

Not sure what the big issue is. Sounds like he'd forgotten that the beers were his Xmas present (I bet he'd drunk them all), and then they were all wondering why there was no present in the bag for BIL today. They probably wanted to check that it hadn't fallen out the bag. I bet when you reminded them about the beers they were a bit embarrassed at having forgotten which was why they didn't say much.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 26/12/2013 01:02

Agree with curly - they were checking the present hadn't got lost, perfectly reasonable if you normally get him something...

DirtyDancing · 26/12/2013 01:03

YABU it looks like you are excluding him or leaving him out on purpose. Next year wrap the the token beer present/ something small but shows you 'care' and then presto everyone is happy.

steff13 · 26/12/2013 06:06

When you say six of his favorite "real ale," do you mean a six-pack of bottles of beer (or similar)? Perhaps you could have put it in a gift bag? This sounds like it may have just been a misunderstanding to me. I'd let it go.

Original poster
biscuitjarpatrol · 26/12/2013 07:22

Fair enough. We didn't know how much he enjoys opening presents.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 26/12/2013 07:29

We make it clear who's getting gifts and clear that we don't want gifts and would prefer it if they concentrated on our daughter.

Our general rule I'd that adults don't get big gifts (but get something to open a like socks) if they have kids. However everything gets wrapped.

Christmas Day we has SIL and her partner round. We don't really speak to her much and we only see him on Christmas Day and never speak to him I between times, but it would if been said for him not to be included in the gift opening so even he got things to open.

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 26/12/2013 07:34

She GOT him a present!

How are people missing this?!

And even if you hadn't so what?!

They should be embarrassed not you.

Next year, give him something really crap, wrapped up nicely and as you hand it over go, "aww, lil bil thought he'd been forgotten...blah blah..."

superstarheartbreaker · 26/12/2013 07:36

I think it's a bit odd that you gave him some beer before Christmas Day and away from everyone else's gifts. The whole point is he starts drinking them on the day itself rather than necking them all before hand. I really hope they were nice bottled beers rather than to noes Santa police alert

superstarheartbreaker · 26/12/2013 07:37

Tinnies I meant.

Lweji · 26/12/2013 07:43

A six pack is hardly that bulky. Many children's presents are bulkier.

You did wrap up everyone else's presents, didn't you? I don't think it's "because he likes unwrapping presents".

It looked like you were snubbing him by not wrapping "his" present. Sorry.

PleaseHelp1234 · 26/12/2013 07:44

Oh the wrapping i would do next year! I'd intentionally get him something awful and then kirsty allsop the hell it of his wrapping -accessorise with necklaces, potato print stamp s, extra large gift tag...

natwebb79 · 26/12/2013 07:45

Superstar - she's already said that she only sees DS and BIL once a year and they got their presents together. He's a grown man in his 40s Ffs!

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 26/12/2013 07:45

Everyone got the present a week before.

It was his favourite bottled beer.

Op clearly you did not put enough effort in on presentation - tsk tsk. Did they demand a bil Xmas card as well?

Original poster
biscuitjarpatrol · 26/12/2013 07:57

I must be made of stern stuff. It really wouldn't upset me if someone didn't wrap my present, or if they didn't give me something at all. Seriously, it wouldn't cross my mind that they'd deliberately tried to upset me by not putting paper round something.

We genuinely thought he'd be happy with a casual 'here's your present' exchange. He's very laid back, hates wastefulness, and the present was very easily identifiable. There was no ill-intention, we obviously misjudged it a bit.

OP posts:
youmakemydreams · 26/12/2013 08:05

I agree that adults shouldn't expect. I also agree that the way you gave him it was ok too.
Yes they were a bit rude asking but on the other hand your sister is s close enough family member I feel to be able to call you up and ask if there had been a gift and it had gone missing.
I can see the flip post complaining you'd bought bil a gift and he hadn't thanked you for it then finding out later he'd never got it and why hadn't your sister mentioned it.

TapDancingPimp · 26/12/2013 08:11

I can't believe he even had the shame to ask! (Assuming he did considering your sister confirmed to him while on fen phone!).

Dickhead.

Lweji · 26/12/2013 08:16

To his credit, the sister called.
She probably asked him what he got, he said nothing, and she called the OP.

Original poster
biscuitjarpatrol · 26/12/2013 08:17

If he had taken the unwrapped ale as a snub, he would certainly have remembered it a few days later and not needed to ask on Christmas morning, so I'm sure he hadn't been upset by the lack of wrapping paper. That's by the by though Grin

OP posts:
TapDancingPimp · 26/12/2013 08:20

But it still makes him look like the twat, when he probably didn't care.

The fact he was still in the room while dsis was on bye phone, awaiting confirmation of the bloody gift makes me cringe.

TapDancingPimp · 26/12/2013 08:22

Fen phone, bye phone?!?! This fecking phone doesn't seem to want to type 'the' phone!!