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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say that not all mil's are evil.............

56 replies

CwtchesAndCuddles · 24/12/2013 13:55

mine is a terrible cook so I'm going to make the gravy and stuffing and take it with us for lunch - much nicer that paxo and bisto!!!

Everyone is happy - no offence has been taken, mil accepts she is a crap cook and prefers to let me do it!

I can just imagine some of the mil's mentioned on this forum not being as happy!!!

OP posts:

HopelessCaseNumeroUno · 24/12/2013 15:10

Mine is awful, unspeakably awful.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 24/12/2013 15:10

You're right, I did. But what I meant to type was 'I would think a nice normal person would have a normal relationship with their nice normal mother in law'.

BTW, my mother in law is nice, but she's actually not normal at all.

fairisleknitter · 24/12/2013 15:13

TEE I ponder on this. My MIL is nice to other people but seems to have issues with me and another in-law. I don't think I'm horrible and manage to get on fine with some tricky people so I think it's the relationship (i.e. not good enough for her golden child) rather than me iyswim.

Anyway I plan to be a lovely in-law!

hotair · 24/12/2013 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuchessofKirkcaldy · 24/12/2013 15:16

My mil is one of the kindest people I know.
True, she sometimes drives me to distractionbut we all have our quirks!
If I ever split with dh( not that I intend to) I would want to keep in touch with her.
Guess I got lucky.

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 24/12/2013 15:17

I really did mean to say that, I'm not just, well, speaking hot air.

fairisle I do think some mothers in law have issues no matter who their sons marry. But then they do not fit under the 'nice normal' category!

Of course, there is also the fact that usually those of us with perfectly fine mothers in law do not come to MN to talk about them. How boring would that be?

fairisleknitter · 24/12/2013 15:20

No, not normal sadly.

Andrewofgg · 24/12/2013 15:22

Mine, dead now, was not evil; just maddening. She meant well but could not stop interfering.

And the journey from nursing home to grave was eight miles, and that's the longest journey she ever made without back-seat driving!

Oblomov · 24/12/2013 15:32

My mil is lovely. I can't read mil hating threads anymore. I just can't stand them.

LittlePeaPod · 24/12/2013 15:44

YANBU, although my MIL can be a real pain in the rear, is very judgmental
like to offer unwanted advice and gossips too much for my liking. She does have a heart of gold and I do like/get on with her. I do like to keep a respectable distance though.. Too much rope and all that.. Ha ha ha

My exMIL was a complete bitch though and we hugely disliked each other. She was part of the reason I left her son after 11years.....

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 24/12/2013 15:46

My MIL is fab. We drink a lot of gin together.

ElbowPrincess · 24/12/2013 15:46

I wish mine was here to see her grandson enjoy Christmas :(

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 24/12/2013 15:46

I think it's women saying 'Oh no, I have a son, my daughter in law will hate me!' that really winds me up.

Just be a nice normal person. Your daughter in law must have some good qualities or why did your son choose her?

sarine1 · 24/12/2013 15:52

I am always saddened by the number of anti-MIL threads on here. We've spent decades trying to stop lazy male comedians and people generally promoting anti-MIL jokes and a general misogyny - and here it is on mumsnet in bucket loads.
I have understood that the relationship is obviously going to be tricky (if and when I become a MIL) and can see that a lot of unthinking attitudes and assumptions are in place - but sometimes the attitudes are so hostile.

elmerelephant · 24/12/2013 15:53

I have a mad as a hatter mother, so was looking forward to having a MIL, however she refused my DH permission to marry me!!!, so we got married anyway, then she disowned him, so as much as I would love a lovely MIL, sadly I dont have one. I will try to be one myself though, when the time comes

frustratedashell · 24/12/2013 15:54

My ex mother in law is lovely. We still see each other. My ex has re married but my mother in law isn't keen on her but is civil to her I think. Ha ha.

chipshop · 24/12/2013 16:04

My MIL is lovely. She's desperate to see her son happy and thinks I'm great. She praises everything I cook even when I turned the parsnips to mush last Christmas and buys me fab presents.

FamiliesShareGerms · 24/12/2013 16:05

Mine is basically lovely and well meaning, but a bit absent minded at times and has a yearning for a family dynamic amongst her children that will never ever happen.

If I am being unreasonable I can get cross about things that happened during DH's childhood where, frankly, she let him down.

I agree that the MiL / DiL relationship is one of the hardest to get right.

XmasLogAndHollyOn · 24/12/2013 16:11

I would think a nice normal person would have a nice normal relationship with their mother in law.

Arf. She's really not very nice. Even DH avoids her as best he can.

I'm sure there are some lovely MILs out there. I know my sis gets on well with hers and I have friends who have great relationships. However, in life, not everyone is very nice and some people who aren't very nice make lousy MILs.

newestbridearound · 24/12/2013 16:14

My MIL is an amazing lady- I am so lucky to have married someone whose parents treat me with as much kindness as their son. I've been very ill this year and DH and I were finding it hard to cope so we lived with them for 3 moments until we could adapt. Even after moving back home they help as much as they can, doing washing, ironing and bringing me meals. A lot of the MIL threads on MN make me feel very grateful indeed.

meriambeetle · 24/12/2013 16:15

Mine was lovely and I miss her.

She was a wonderful Grandma too. She always used to slip me some cash "to spend you yourself" when we really did not have much.

She was really intelligent but due to her upbringing her options were limited. Without her my Dfil would never have been as successful.

Trinpy · 24/12/2013 16:44

I used to be on a forum where one poster would often say that all these mil's couldn't be that bad if they'd raised a son the dil loved enough to marry . My answer was always 'I love my dh in spite of the way pil raised him' - e.g. I don't love how low his confidence is because his parents have always put him down, or the way he finds it hard to express his emotions because they taught him a true man should keep his feelings bottled up.

It does make me angry that some people refuse to believe these mil stories. I'm sure, like me, many dils blame themselves for mil/pil disliking them. I spent years making excuses for their unreasonable behaviour, when I realise now I should have been supporting my dh.

Sensitive subject for me as you can probably tell!

notanotherusername1 · 24/12/2013 16:51

My mil is nicer than my own Mother, far easier to deal with in every respect. Adores her GC and has never in nearly 20 years found fault with anything I do. Never heard her say a bad word about anyone and is happy to help us in any way.

Now if you were to ask her other dil's opinion of her it would be vastly different to mine. That's because she has been against her from day 1 and has never given her a chance, she had been a pain in the bum with everything and poor mil has been treated very badly. I have never understood the dislike and it's nothing to do with mil because if you have a problem with her then it's your problem as she is excepting of everything and everyone.

Even though my sil has treated her badly she still tries and is pleasant towards her.

FirstStopCafe · 24/12/2013 16:51

Yanbu. I have friends with lovely mils
Sadly I do not get on with mine. As I get on with everyone else in my life and she no longer speaks to her own daughter or sister I am reluctant to believe it is me who's the problem

Would love to have a mil I had a good relationship with.

trinity0097 · 24/12/2013 16:57

My MIL is fab, she lives 2.5 hrs drive from us, but we used to live about 100m away and never he any uninvited pop arounds etc! Her house is always dirtier than mine, she cooks well and they are both very generous when it comes to birthday sna Christmas and have specifically written me into their will so I will inherit all their estate if my hubby dies before me (he has no siblings).

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