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AIBU?

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Original poster

ah fuck,apparently Christmas dinner is expected at 12.

63 replies

HankyScore · 24/12/2013 11:03

We are hosting and the PILs are coming along with BIL and his newish DP.

Last year we did the same (minus the DP) and it worked really well, they all left at about five or six and we walked down to my parents for the evening. So this year we said we'd do the same, which worked out well as BILs DP wants to see her parents and PILs want to see their other grandchildren.

So far, so uncomplicated.

Except Mil has just casually dropped into conversation that Bil and dp are leaving at about 2.30. I just went, um, that's cutting it a bit fine for lunch, and Mil said that it would be fine, after all lunch is at 12ish. And that they'd see us at 11.30.

Like the idiot I am I just said ok. And then got off the phone and thought ffs.

We were planning a leisurely morning, up at the crack of dawn for stockings, get dressed, have smoked salmon and eggs for breakfast, guests arrive early, we open presents and hAve festivities and lunch makes it to the table for around 2pm. This is what my family have always done and its what we did last year with PILs (which was our first year hosting).

I can't eat a huge roast at midday! Nor do I want to cook it that early.

So I either need to woman up and say so, or just get on with it as its what my guests want.

What would you do, and am I being unreasonable to think Christmas dinner (and Sunday roasts for that matter) should be served later, ie 2 or 3pm?

OP posts:
Lulu1083 · 24/12/2013 11:06

Why not compromise and do it at 1? That leaves you some more time, and it should be finished before half 2 for Bil to leave

threestars · 24/12/2013 11:08

Say so.
It's your house and you're the host! I would have expected BIL to tell you about his plans. Since it's so late in the day to mention this, he'll have to change his.
Good luck!

specialsubject · 24/12/2013 11:09

your house your rules! Lunch is when you serve it, if people have other appointments that's their problem.

Trills · 24/12/2013 11:09

People who are coming to yours should confirm with YOU what time that will be.

Not speak indirectly through a third person.

If they need to leave at a particular time, they should talk to YOU about it.

YANBU at all not to want to have roast dinner at 12, or not to want to have lunch at 12 on any day.

Peekingduck · 24/12/2013 11:10

Oh come on, grow a pair! Ring back and say that you don't know where that misunderstanding came from, lunch will be the same time as last year. Then ring BIL and tell him the same, to avoid chinese whispers and behind the scenes decisions. You are hosting, 12 am is of course too early and anyone with half a brain knows that.

carabos · 24/12/2013 11:11

12 is too early for lunch regardless what day it is. The earliest you could possibly serve Xmas lunch without being up all night is 1pm and nobody is ready to eat then. 2pm earliest, 3pm latest.

Why don't you employ that MN favourite phrase "sorry but that doesn't work for us" and see what happens?

Methe · 24/12/2013 11:13

Who wants to eat at 12! Call her back as assert your authority. It's your house, cook and eat when you want!

drbonnieblossman · 24/12/2013 11:16

12.00 is almost breakfast!

agree with others - you are hosting and it's your choice. if you don't feel brave enough to remind them that you are head honcho tomorrow, just apologise profusely that lunch is running an hour and a half behind.

Midday for Christmas dinner. I ask you. serve them Frosties amd toast.

Original poster
HankyScore · 24/12/2013 11:18

I think I'm just going to carry on as I was. I'll be half a bottle of Bailey's in before lunchtime so I'll just blithely serve the meal when it's ready (at two ish) and if they have to leave they can leave , can't they.

I am not doing stress and drama.the whole point of hosting is to avoid it, going elsewhere proved a headachecwith three dc so we wanted a calm,relaxed day at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
HankyScore · 24/12/2013 11:19

I'm glad you all agree about the ridiculousness of midday lunch. Dh thinks it's normal.

OP posts:
Trills · 24/12/2013 11:20

The problem is not whether midday lunch is normal.

The problem is the passing of information via MIL rather than saying to you personally "we will need to leave at X o'clock", and the assumption that everybody does things the same way.

YoDiggity · 24/12/2013 11:21

Pfft. Hmm She'd be going hungry if she was coming to mine. We never eat before 2 on Christmas Day.

HarryStottle · 24/12/2013 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoDiggity · 24/12/2013 11:22

12 is a stupid time for a massive lunch. It's ok for a sandwich and a bowl of soup on a Tuesday but a it's ridiculously earlt for a huge roast dinner, especially on Christmas Day when there is so much other stuff going on.

hootloop · 24/12/2013 11:23

I think if you are cooking you decide when you eat.
I do want to defend the 12o'clock lunchers though, I am always staving by 12 what ever day it is so in chez hoot Christmas lunch is 12:30 at the very latest.

Alanna1 · 24/12/2013 11:23

Do a breakfast brunch and nibbles. Then do xmas dinner at c3.

TravellingToad · 24/12/2013 11:23

I think you should tell them. You have now confirmed it'll be 12 so to change that without letting them know is not fair.

I agree with you tho, you can't serve at 12.

busylizzie76 · 24/12/2013 11:25

2.30/3pm christmas lunch here - good luckThanks

brettgirl2 · 24/12/2013 11:25

I'd just do it for 2. It's their choice to miss out on pudding etc. tbh they may prefer it as they are likely to be offered more food wherever they are going.

DragonMamma · 24/12/2013 11:26

My mum always said midday lunches were common so we've never eaten much before 2.30. Mostly 3ish for Christmas dinner (well, that's when the starters are served) and then we all leave around 6ish.

I'd find it a massive rush to cook a roast for midday!

angeltattoo · 24/12/2013 11:29

We are having lunch at 2.30 ish here. We just are, guests all welcome.

If Pil were doing it, lunch would be t 12, wine with lunch then fuck all to do but look at each other for the rest of the day with fIL saying 'my goodness, we're going to have a good drink tonight'. Which never comes.

One year I took 2 bottles of fizz, MIL said thanks and whisked them away. DH offered me a drink half an hour later and I said I'd make a start on the first bottle. Mother in law's gasp wad audible, but I didn't care an proceeded to drink them.

BIL mentioned he'd miss lunch as he wouldn't be here before 2pm. I told him he wouldn't in this house.

I hate roast dinners at the best of times, but eating one at 12 makes me nauseous!

Your MIL/bil have a cheek. They need to check with you what time they're invited for!!

Halfling · 24/12/2013 11:29

Do it around 1or 1:30 pm. Go for a little compromise, it being Xmas and all that.

lilyaldrin · 24/12/2013 11:30

If you're serving lunch at 2pm, you need to let them know as it sounds like you have just agreed to 12.

Casmama · 24/12/2013 11:30

It would be rude not to tell them it'll be at two when you know they are expecting it at 12. Better phone BIL - your MIL may have got it wrong.

Inertia · 24/12/2013 11:31

You need to contact both Mil and Bil to confirm that lunch will be at about 2 in case it affects their other plans. Then don't be a pushover if they argue.