Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ah fuck,apparently Christmas dinner is expected at 12.

63 replies

HankyScore · 24/12/2013 11:03

We are hosting and the PILs are coming along with BIL and his newish DP.

Last year we did the same (minus the DP) and it worked really well, they all left at about five or six and we walked down to my parents for the evening. So this year we said we'd do the same, which worked out well as BILs DP wants to see her parents and PILs want to see their other grandchildren.

So far, so uncomplicated.

Except Mil has just casually dropped into conversation that Bil and dp are leaving at about 2.30. I just went, um, that's cutting it a bit fine for lunch, and Mil said that it would be fine, after all lunch is at 12ish. And that they'd see us at 11.30.

Like the idiot I am I just said ok. And then got off the phone and thought ffs.

We were planning a leisurely morning, up at the crack of dawn for stockings, get dressed, have smoked salmon and eggs for breakfast, guests arrive early, we open presents and hAve festivities and lunch makes it to the table for around 2pm. This is what my family have always done and its what we did last year with PILs (which was our first year hosting).

I can't eat a huge roast at midday! Nor do I want to cook it that early.

So I either need to woman up and say so, or just get on with it as its what my guests want.

What would you do, and am I being unreasonable to think Christmas dinner (and Sunday roasts for that matter) should be served later, ie 2 or 3pm?

OP posts:
IloveJudgeJudy · 24/12/2013 11:31

I agree with the others that you should carry on the same as you were going to.

The DH of a friend of mine does the cooking in their house. Her family take it in turns to host. When her parents go to her house, they dictate that the meal must be at 1 pm! She and her DH go along with that, even though they don't really want to.

We also take it in turns. Each family says what time lunch will be at their house. It's up to them as the hosts.

cingolimama · 24/12/2013 11:33

12pm lunch a batshit crazy idea! No time for Christmas morning laziness, church, presents, sneaky glass of sherry/champagne in the am (well it's Christmas!) or a relaxed approach. Besides which, if you have lunch that early you have to prepare another meal in the evening! Insane at every level.
but please, in the spirit of the season, tell them up front, don't let them arrive starving and thinking they'll be tucking in at (gulp, blech) 12pm.
Happy Christmas.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 24/12/2013 11:34

You should do it at the time that suits you and not feel even slightly bad about it as you said we'll do it the same as last year (which was 2-2.30). However - you need to ring both your MIL and BIL and tell them - it's not fair if they are (albeit stupidly) expecting lunch at 12 and to be able to go after that at 2.30 ish to not even intend to serve lunch until then, it will just make the whole day an upsetting mess for everyone.

Ring them.

Original poster
HankyScore · 24/12/2013 11:40

I'll get dh to ring them, he'll be home in a bit.

This will not be a drama. No it won't. I am Zen.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 24/12/2013 11:45

Carry on as last year. If they have to leave early it's not your problem. You are hosting and you decide when to serve. I would send them with a plate to take home if ts not quite ready

Coconutty · 24/12/2013 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilverApples · 24/12/2013 11:47

We've made our own traditions over the years. Huge family gathering on the first or second weekend of December, Christmas at home, Relatives on Boxing day, or the 28th.
Christmas Day we eat at 6pm, When hosting relatives, it's 2pm.
They should have told you the time they'd be there, and the time they were leaving in advance, and not through your MIL. Who was mistaken in remembering that lunch was at 12.
So, I have random relative dropping in throughout the season. They always get fed, just not necessarily a full roast feast.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 24/12/2013 11:48

Oh, come on, that's ridiculous.

I would get your DH to ring BIL directly - he can surely talk to his brother properly. Involving MIL just sounds like a plan for masses of passive aggression (it is really rude to say 'lunch is around 12' when it's someone else's house).

fifi669 · 24/12/2013 11:50

I'd just ring back and say sorry did you say lunch was at 12? It's around two. Hope to see you from x o'clock, looking forward to it. You're being good enough to host, you decide.

TheFirstToel · 24/12/2013 11:53

Christmas dinner is at 3pm, to coincide with the queen's speech (we don't want to watch it, for us it's merely the herald of lunchtime) and so that by the time you get to pudding, it's dark enough for the pudding on fire bit to have the required impact. Obviously!

I would aim for lunch on the table and everyone tucking in by 2pm on the dot. That gives BIL time to eat quickly and be off by 2.30 if it's really that important.

MIL is being daft, she can't just declare Christmas lunch is at 12pm when it hasn't been before!

There's no need for drama, it's ready when it's ready isn't it!?

BigWellyLittleWelly · 24/12/2013 11:53

We're having lunch early purely because we have two very young children but they usually eat at 12 -there's no way I can eat a full roast that early so 12.30 is the compromise.

Good luck. You're hosting. You decide the time to eat!

Worriedkat · 24/12/2013 11:59

We kicked off with starters at 12 last year, it suited the kids. the PIL were staying. They moaned and moaned all morning about it, they wouldn't be hungry, it'd make them feel sick etc. should've seen their faces when I dished up their plates, popped some cling film on and put them in the fridge < evil>

They're opting to stay home this year Xmas Grin

minionmadness · 24/12/2013 12:15

I hosted for 14 last year (never again) and told everyone what time lunch would be served.

Some family members rang trying to negotiate a different time. I just said we are eating at 2pm and if that doesn't suit then don't come.

Easy...

Noctilucent · 24/12/2013 12:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CMOTDibbler · 24/12/2013 12:24

Its not about what time lunch is (we'll be eating at 12.30 fwiw), but about you bil being an arse. And your mil for not saying to him that he needed to talk to you about timings

SauvignonBlanche · 24/12/2013 12:26

Christmas lunch at 12:00 - no way! Xmas Shock

Goldenhandshake · 24/12/2013 12:26

Twelve is ludicrous on xmas day. 3pm Is pushing it for me. I serve xmas dinner not lunch so its served at 5pm, my mum has complained about this in the past and I have pointed out that when she hosts she can serve it whenever she likes. She now wisely keeps her trap shut.

MerylStrop · 24/12/2013 12:31

Yanbu we are inky on breakfast at 12. If they are leaving 2.30 chances are they are going to somewhere else (her folks?) for second dinner/evening meal, so just do it how you want to! They can have festive nibbles to keep them going...

DoJo · 24/12/2013 12:34

HAS HE RUNG THEM YET? Pre Christmas excitement it too much for me (although I am about to have my breakfast, so maybe that will help...)

WireCatGlitteryBaubles · 24/12/2013 12:37

12 is way too early. Sod it do it at your time.

DeathByLaundry · 24/12/2013 12:49

We're eating at 12ish as DH has to leave for work at 1pm. I've told everyone they aren't allowed breakfast! I think it'll be fine actually, he can head off and leave us all belching around the table. Plenty of time to get the dishes done and have a play, and then once the DC are in bed I won't still have a house to resurrect. Lovely :)

If DH had the day off I'd be aiming for 3ish.

BackforGood · 24/12/2013 12:49

What Trills, ChippinIn and other said.
Don't just let them think it's going to be at 12 and they can go at 2.30 and then ruin everyones plans by doing something different, phone them and explain that you won't be ready to serve lunch then.
I think that it might be nice to aim for 1.30 though, and everyone compromises a bit rather than making a point.

Personally, I need my lunch by 1 - 1.30, but I understand it's a personal thing. I'd be feeling really faint if I'd not had my meal until 2.30

Original poster
HankyScore · 24/12/2013 12:53

We are a go for ONE PM.

Peace and goodwill are restored.

And I'm on the prosecco.

OP posts:
ouryve · 24/12/2013 12:57

Even we hold out until 1, though we don't like to make the boys wait any longer. I like to spend some of Christmas morning somewhere other than in the kitchen.

grovel · 24/12/2013 12:58

Canapes at 12
Turkey at 2.30
Puddings/Cheese at 5.30
Scrambled egg with smoked salmon at 9

Bubble and squeak with leftovers for Boxing Day brunch.