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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have bought a present for my children that is just from me?

83 replies

Freddiefrog · 24/12/2013 10:16

and not jointly with DH, only this has caused massive ructions this morning.

When my girls were little they used to love that Little Nutbrown Hare book so I used to read it with them a lot and over the years the "I love you to the moon and back again" line became a bit of a "thing" we'd say to each other when I tucked them in at night, first day at school, whatever.

So, last night unable to sleep, I was mooching around on Facebook and came across the page of a local wood/crafty business and saw they were selling little moons made from wood reclaimed from a local pier with the "I love you....." phrase on them, thought "awww" and sent a message ordering 1 each for my girls. They were only a couple of quid each and thought they would just be a sweet reminder that they could hang up above their beds

It was 3am so never actually expected a reply or anything straight away and certainly never expected to receive them before Christmas, but obviously the same storm that was keeping me awake was having the same effect on them as they messaged straight back and very kindly delivered them 1st thing this morning so I thought I could give the moons to the girls tonight when I tuck them into bed

DH is having a bit of a shit fit as I've excluded him from a gift and I'm out of order for buying a present from just me

DH has never read the book, didn't know where the line was from or anything about it, it's always been a "thing" between me and the girls.

So, have a committed a cardinal sin? I just saw them and thought they were just something my girls would appreciate

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 24/12/2013 13:08

You're being really precious about it though.

Dp has stolen some of the dds' gifts and I've chosen others, but they will all be from both of us. Why on earth does it bother you to stick his name on the tag too, unless you seem to think it will give you some sort of extra kudos that he will be excluded from?

Sorry but I think he's angry because you are deliberately excluding him, and I think that's petty.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 24/12/2013 13:09

Chosen not stolen - none of our gifts were shoplifted! Grin

Sarsaparillajones · 24/12/2013 13:12

This is madness ! I can't believe a grown man is so insecure /controlling that he can throw a fit about a £2 moon! I am an individual, my DH is an individual and my DD is an individual. We do things together and sometimes we do things separately. DH takes her to see the Hobbit, which I don't want to do, they read the book together -it's a things for them and I don't worry that this is belttling me! He's a real DIY buff and she enjoys working with him. One year he gave her a her own mini tool set which was clearly just from him since I hate DIY and can't imagine anything worse. Sometimes I get her something that makes sense for me too and he wouldnt question that because he is happy and secure in his relationship with her and with me! And we get her joint things too.

Honestly makes me wonder what the real reason is behind such a hissy fit ? Is he like this about other things too?

Original poster
Freddiefrog · 24/12/2013 13:15

I wasn't going to put any tags on them. They came wrapped in tissue paper and ribbon and that's how I was going to hand them over

He's angry because they're obviously from me, because of their meaning, whether I put his name on the tag or not.

He can give them to him if he wants, I was just going to leave them on their pillow or something, but whatever we do with them, however they're labelled they refer to something that is between just me and the girls

OP posts:
NoComet · 24/12/2013 13:16

Since when did any young child notice or care where presents come from

Original poster
Freddiefrog · 24/12/2013 14:06

No, they don't care who presents come from. Well, they do but not beyond a thank you/being grateful X bought them a present perspective

They will get the meaning behind these though.

I will still give the moons to them but wait for a few days until we're past Christmas and they can't be seen as a special Christmas present just from Mummy

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 24/12/2013 14:16

Gosh he is acting like a prat isn't he? How about giving them on New Year's Eve?

WhenSarahAndStuckUpTheChimney · 24/12/2013 14:20

Gifts don't have to come from both of you, that's just silly.

My parents have given me and my brother joint presents over the years (although I suspect my mother did most of the shopping for them) but occasionally my mother will spot something and buy it just because she wanted to give it and my dad has done the same.

Sometimes it's nice to give a gift as one person to another and it's nothing to do with excluding someone. Your DH is being ridiculous.

I don't know why people are saying you want to leave him out and not put his name on the tag when you have made it clear over and over that it wouldn't matter, his problem is with the personal meaning of the gift, not with whose name is written on it.

And can you please post a link to the moons, or PM me. I quite like the sound of them. Guess How Much I Love You was the book I took to the hospital to read to DS when I went into labour. He was only a few hours old the first time we read it and I often call him Nutbrown as a nickname.

givemeaclue · 24/12/2013 15:16

My dds would love those, can you post a link?

tombakerscarf · 24/12/2013 15:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 24/12/2013 15:39

WhenSarah your post made me cry (am 23wks pregnant and overwhelmed with Christmas sentimentality). I want this book and the moons!

(Sorry, am of no help to the OP at all).

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/12/2013 16:01

Freddiefrog - how about giving them "From Nutbrown hare" - you will know they are from you, your dh (who is being a nob and needs to put his toys back in his pram) will be appeased, and Christmas Harmony will be restored?

Or you could lovingly craft a replica of the moon, and put it where the sun don't shine!

fuzzywuzzy · 24/12/2013 17:01

Or how about you give the gifts as you wanted and all four of you sit and read the book together tonight?

lastnightopenedmyeyes · 24/12/2013 17:03

I really can't see any problem with this at all? I must be missing something as it seems totally fine and normal to me.

hope4455 · 24/12/2013 17:13

www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/photo.php?fbid=624162644272579&set=pb.467701589918686.-2207520000.1387905094.&type=3&theater

Not sure if this is the right place but i bought my moons from here.

hope4455 · 24/12/2013 17:14

Called Claire's Creations - she makes beautiful stuff and is fast on delivery as well, you can also find her on ebay.

Original poster
Freddiefrog · 24/12/2013 18:16

No, it wasn't them and I can't see the page you've linked for some reason so I'm not sure if they are the same. Wooden hearts with the phrase burnt onto it if that makes sense

I'll PM the links to those who want them, I can't get near the computer at the moment as the girls are you tubing Christmas songs so I'll do it later

I'm going to give the moons to the girls after Christmas, I wasn't expecting them to arrive today anyway and they're not really Christmas presents, so I'll wait until nearer they go back to school

Thanks!

OP posts:
Iris445 · 24/12/2013 18:21

I always buy the gifts. Occasional it's a gift just from me. Why not I love them so much and want the odd special moment/ gift between us. Occasionally my dh does the same.

I remember the two presents my dad bought for me. Presents we went and bought together. Usually mum bought them all.

Nothing wrong with it IMHO builds relationships.

HappyMummyOfOne · 24/12/2013 18:58

All the christmas presents come from us both but i do the bulk of the shopping and DH orders anything he particularly wants DS to have.

In the year though we both think nothing of ordering from Amazon surprises for DS, neither gets upset that DS has a lovely treat. Why would we?

cardibach · 24/12/2013 19:25

I'd like the link, Freddie - that phrase is a 'thing' for DD (17) and me. She leaves home next summer and I'd like to send one with her. Why PMs and not just a general link, though?
And your DH IBU, just to be clear.

WitchWay · 24/12/2013 19:32

We have always given our son individual and joint presents at Christmas.

SantanaLopez · 24/12/2013 19:33

Mmm, I don't get why you're so determined that it is your thing only. You both sound as bad as the other, put the books in the stocking and enjoy Christmas Eve instead of bickering.

TheDoctrineOfSanta · 24/12/2013 19:37

Santana, she's not determined, it's just that DH has never read this book with the DDs - if he'd bought a gruffalo related gift, it would be the same.

Anyway, she's decided to save them for later.

valiumredhead · 24/12/2013 19:41

I don't think it's odd at all. Dh and I often buy little individual gifts for ds. Last year Dh bought him a laptop based that he'd seen in a shop when they were out one day. I usually buy ds a tube of pringles as they're his favouriteGrin