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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have bought a present for my children that is just from me?

83 replies

Freddiefrog · 24/12/2013 10:16

and not jointly with DH, only this has caused massive ructions this morning.

When my girls were little they used to love that Little Nutbrown Hare book so I used to read it with them a lot and over the years the "I love you to the moon and back again" line became a bit of a "thing" we'd say to each other when I tucked them in at night, first day at school, whatever.

So, last night unable to sleep, I was mooching around on Facebook and came across the page of a local wood/crafty business and saw they were selling little moons made from wood reclaimed from a local pier with the "I love you....." phrase on them, thought "awww" and sent a message ordering 1 each for my girls. They were only a couple of quid each and thought they would just be a sweet reminder that they could hang up above their beds

It was 3am so never actually expected a reply or anything straight away and certainly never expected to receive them before Christmas, but obviously the same storm that was keeping me awake was having the same effect on them as they messaged straight back and very kindly delivered them 1st thing this morning so I thought I could give the moons to the girls tonight when I tuck them into bed

DH is having a bit of a shit fit as I've excluded him from a gift and I'm out of order for buying a present from just me

DH has never read the book, didn't know where the line was from or anything about it, it's always been a "thing" between me and the girls.

So, have a committed a cardinal sin? I just saw them and thought they were just something my girls would appreciate

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 24/12/2013 11:48

I think YANBU.

The whole point of this particular present is the significance.

He's being daft.

BTW, how many presents has he chosen/bought?

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 24/12/2013 11:51

How do you do Christmas in your house? Is everything from Santa? He might just feel he looks a bit tight not getting them a gift just from him and it's a bit late for him to do anything now.

ALittleBitOfChristmasMagic · 24/12/2013 11:53

When my sister and I were kids my dad used to go out and buy us one thing my mum didn't know about . It was always exciting to see what he got us and even for my mum too it was a lovely Christmas tradition . I think my mum probably organised most of it herself and he just wanted to do his but

Yourshoesarewhereyouleftthem · 24/12/2013 11:54

I think it's lovely that you found these for your girls and the fact that the company got them to you straight away is brilliant. I bet you're really excited about seeing their faces when they find them.

As you say, it's not specifically excluding him but in any case, surely he has special moments with them himself. Is he going to let you walk them down the aisle (disclaimer: not related to this situation and your girls may not get married/have traditional wedding/ask their dad etc) but hopefully you get my drift!

Hope they love their presents....i think that's a fab last minute surprise. X

JazzTheDog · 24/12/2013 11:56

My dad used to always buy us a separate present that my mum didn't know about. Normally from Halfords but it's the thought that counts!

Golddigger · 24/12/2013 12:21

Caitlin. Yes we are one body.
We dont exclude one another, which is what the op is doing.

mrsjay · 24/12/2013 12:25

did he stomp his feet and wail while he had his tantrum Hmm seriously!

give your girls the moons tell him to get a grip and maybe if he had read the story in the first place then he would know why it is so special

Fwiw i think that is a lovely gift

firesidechat · 24/12/2013 12:31

I haven't read the other replies because I wanted to give my gut instinct without being influence by other views.

I'm trying to imagine if this was the other way around ie my husband having a special "thing" like this with our children and how I would feel. I would be fine, in fact more than fine. I think it would be a lovely and thoughtful thing to do and that each parent needs to build an independent relationship with their children, as well as a joint one.

However I may also be swayed by the ahhhness (totally made up word) of a man doing something like this for his children, so my scenario may not hold water.

octopusinasantasack · 24/12/2013 12:34

If you told your DH that they were only from you then YABU. Gifts should come from both of you.

Original poster
Freddiefrog · 24/12/2013 12:35

Angels we had a sack of bits from Santa then main presents from us under the tree and everything else is from both of us

yourshoes. I was, but they seem to be causing more trouble than they're worth.

I think I'll keep them until the night they go back to school when it's not a significant date and can't be confused with a Christmas present - they're a 'saw this and thought of you' little something, he's looking at them as a Christmas present

OP posts:
mrsjay · 24/12/2013 12:36

me and my dh both have seperate (sp) things with our dds granted i have bought things for them both that i know they would like dh is the same we don't see it as a slight or X loves Y more, it is nice to have different things in common with your children ime

MyNameIsKenAdams · 24/12/2013 12:39

Can't he just be happy that your dds are going to have a lovely little surprise each this evening? Why has he got ti make it about him?

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 24/12/2013 12:43

You're both being silly. They sound like a sweet gift, but they should be from mummy and daddy. I really, really don't see why either of you are getting so knicker-twisty about it tbh.

Original poster
Freddiefrog · 24/12/2013 12:44

Octopus no, of course I never said 'these are from me so keep your grubby mitts off' but the wording and the significance of them obviously refer to a 'thing' that's evolved between just me and our girls

There's nothing stopping him organising something that's significant just for him and the girls

I wish I'd never bought them now

OP posts:
mrsjay · 24/12/2013 12:53

but the story and meaning were between freedie and her daughters it is their thing dad does not need to be involved if it was a shared thing then that is different,

far too many things in this post

mrsjay · 24/12/2013 12:53

freddie even

Joysmum · 24/12/2013 12:58

YANBU

My hubby has bought our daughter something from him, and DD and I had killer Christmas nails done together as my little thing for us which he doesn't share in.

I really can't understand why people seem to think they can be all things to all people.

Danann · 24/12/2013 13:02

I don't see whats wrong with having a gift just from you, most presents are joint in our house but I've made DD a ragdoll which is obviously just from me, DH has got her something from games workshop , she will know that's from DH as I have no clue what they are talking about when it comes to models.

laughingeyes2013 · 24/12/2013 13:04

Christmas is about the children, not the adults.

If your girls would love the present of course you should buy it.

Original poster
Freddiefrog · 24/12/2013 13:05

MrsJay yes, if we'd both read the book then it would be relevant for both of us therefore they'd be from both of us, as it is, their significance is something between just me and the girls.

They nagged me silly to read the Nutbrown Hare book, but he did the best voices so they used to get him to read the Gruffalo over and over so that was something between just him and them not involving me

OP posts:
mrsjay · 24/12/2013 13:06

I just cant get over how stompy he is being about it hope you get it sorted

Caitlin17 · 24/12/2013 13:07

I really hope you aren't put off giving them.Some of the responses here against the idea are frankly ludicrous. The idea that you have to be joined at the hip and never have an independent thought because you're a "family" is ridiculous. It was a lovely idea and I hope your husband's and the other OUT reactions don't spoil it.

Caitlin17 · 24/12/2013 13:07

OUT obviously.

Caitlin17 · 24/12/2013 13:08

A are blasted phone Over the Top.

mrsjay · 24/12/2013 13:08

I am with caitlin i would give the moons to them you don't even have to say it a xmas gift dont let him put you off but i fear he already has which is a shame .