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Original poster

To want to see my partner on Christmas day ??

69 replies

nosnowagain · 24/12/2013 10:00

Me & 'D'P don't live together , I have one Ds .

I have been asking him to come round for a few hours Christmas morning which is not unreasonable as he has been working all week so not seen him .
He kept saying it depends what his mum is doing, he is 30 and does not live at home .

I just had a text from him saying that his Grandad has been given 24 hours to live , he was fine yesterday so I'm struggling to believe him as it just seems like he has his excuse not to come round as his mum wants him to herself because they are having a family Christmas etc Xmas Hmm

We have been together 2 years .

Its not like his mum lives miles away from me as its only a 20 minute walk .
Apparently im a bitch , tbh i havent a clue

OP posts:
Monetbyhimself · 24/12/2013 10:45

Did he CALL you a bitch ?

milk · 24/12/2013 10:51

Either:

  • He goes to see you on Xmas
  • He invites you and your DS round to see him and his mum on Xmas
  • You dump him!
AntlersInAllOfMyDecorating · 24/12/2013 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SMorgauseBordOfChristmasTat · 24/12/2013 10:55

Why would you want to be with him if he doesn't want to see you at all on Christmas Day?

livinginawinterwonderland · 24/12/2013 11:01

Why are you with him? You think he's lying when he says his granddad has 24 hours to live. It can happen. It happened to DP a few months ago. Granddad was fine (old, but but other than that, fine). Then, we got a phone call to say he was in hospital, and he died about 14 hours later. If it's true, he deserves your support, especially so close to Christmas. That must be horrible.

But, that aside, he obviously doesn't want to spend Christmas Day with you, and although he may have been invited to his mums, he didn't invite you or DS or offer to spend at least Christmas Eve/Morning/Boxing Day with you. Why would you be with someone who doesn't want to see you at all over Christmas? Surely that's the ideal time for family and spending time with the people you love.

5Foot5 · 24/12/2013 11:31

I think I agree with doasyouwouldbedoneby. It sounds like you are seeing this relationship in a different light to him. I am not sure on what basis you start calling someone a "partner" but if you don't yet live together and don't yet have children together then I would be hesitant to describe him as your "partner"

Maybe the relationship isn't that serious to him yet as it is to you?

As to the truth of the grandfather situation - well who can say but I don't think you can safely question it. If you really were "partners" you would surely be familiar with his family and their state of health and any crises that had occurred.

DontmindifIdo · 24/12/2013 13:37

If you are in contact with any of hte rest of his family, I'd send a message saying "hi XXX, [DP] has told me your grandfather isn't very well. If there's anything I can do, do let me know. Thinking of you all. X"

If he's lying, you'll find out shortly, even if he's just lying about the seriousness of his grandfather's illness.

If you don't trustyour partner over something like this, then don't move in with him or tie yourself to a liar, they rarely become easier to deal with.

Gruntfuttock · 24/12/2013 13:41

If you're close enough to be planning to move in together, why aren't you close enough to be invited to his mum's on Christmas Day?

WooWooOwl · 24/12/2013 13:42

You and he want different things out of this relationship. If he wanted to spend time with you on Christmas Day, he would. Whether his grandad is dying or not.

TheEndTisHere · 24/12/2013 13:48

If you're not invited then he is spending Christmas with his wife.

HyvaPaiva · 24/12/2013 14:01

How is he your partner? You have no ties to each other whatsoever. He's just some guy you don't trust.

QuacksForDoughnuts · 24/12/2013 14:16

People do lie about things like that. My ex played around with my heartstrings a whole lot with stories about the death of his younger child, who later turned out never to have existed. On the other hand, people who lie about anything that serious make shite partners, so if you really think it's a likely story you need out of there sharpish.

HairyGrotter · 24/12/2013 15:29

You've been together 2 years and haven't had a Christmas together? Has he ever said why he doesn't invite you to his mums?

I'd end it, go find someone who wants a family

flatpans · 24/12/2013 15:50

I don't think it's that strange to not spend Christmas with a partner/boyfriend after two years, especially if you're not living together. The first Christmas I spent with DH was the year we got married, after we'd been a couple for five years - before that he'd always gone to his parents (in a different city) and I went to mine. Generally in our extended family, couples only get invited to the Christmas family meal once they're engaged/co-habiting. I wouldn't have wanted to bring home all the various men I'd dated for family dinners, there's no need for that until the relationship is serious and I wouldn't consider it to be serious until you've actually moved in/got married.

I think the fact that you don't believe him is the real issue here. I have dated someone who'd make up similar things and I wish I hadn't wasted so much time on him. There's no point taking the relationship much further once that level of trust has gone.

NurseRoscoe · 24/12/2013 15:58

I didn't spend Christmas with my partner the first year we were together as Christmas is meant for family in our eyes. Granted my parents live 200 miles away and his family are 5 mins away so it made sense but the point does still stand, if you aren't living together then spend Xmas with your families and see each other another day over the festive period. Don't make it the end if the world, make it all about your son. Doesn't mean you have to dump him, the meaning Of Christmas is different to every person and family

Athrodiaeth · 24/12/2013 16:08

Sounds like he's spending it with his wife.

Or, there's a very odd reason a man of 30 cannot split the day between his family and his own relationship. Or, hey, invite you and your son to dinner at his mum's. Or...

Well, anything, really.

diddl · 24/12/2013 16:13

"Wish it was easy to just walk away"

Why isn't it?

Jeez, he can't bear to be parted from his mum at all on Christmas Day?

What do you see in him?

foreverondiet · 24/12/2013 16:22

Well if his granddad really is dying then you are a bitch.

But if he is lying then the relationship is on the rocks and it might be time to LTB.

I guess time will tell.

TheSmallClanger · 24/12/2013 16:45

To be fair to the OP, the "dying relative" is a very, very common lie used by both experienced and casual liars.

OP, have you met his family at any other time? Does he often disappear, or have personal crises at inopportune times?

ImperialBlether · 24/12/2013 16:52

I'd ring up and speak to his mum and without saying about his granddad dying, ask lots of questions.

"Can I help at all over Christmas?"
"You will let me know if you need a lift in the middle of the night, won't you? You won't be fit to drive."
"I was horrified to hear the news. When did you find out?"

Etc etc. Bet you my house she won't know what the hell you're on about.

Oh and listen to what he's saying. He doesn't see you as family. He doesn't want to spend Christmas with you. I think you'd be making a big mistake moving in with him.

Writerwannabe83 · 24/12/2013 18:28

If you have been together for so long why aren't you and your son also invited to his moms for the Christmas celebration? Surely you must have a relationship with her and if you are at the point of moving in with her son then surely she sees you all as a joint package?? I don't understand why you aren't part of it....

EllaFitzgerald · 24/12/2013 18:31

Do his family know about your plans to move in together? If not, then that speaks volumes. If so, then it's a little strange that you haven't been invited. Do you get on with his family?

Original poster
nosnowagain · 25/12/2013 00:53

Sorry I got caught up with everything

Yes his family know of our plans etc .
I had a little look on his Dsis' fb and she was just saying how excited she is for Christmas etc so the Grandad thing can't be true knob

He hasn't moved in with me as I refused to let him move in until he had a job , he only got a job last week hence why we finally made plans to move in together .

Guess I'm a fool once again Xmas Sad.

OP posts:
pictish · 25/12/2013 00:55

I think he's got another girlfriend.
Sorry. x

Writerwannabe83 · 25/12/2013 01:01

I repeat : if you have been together for so long and his parents know it is a serious relationship, why aren't you automatically invited to their family Christmas celebrations? It doesn't make sense? You come as a package, why wouldn't they include you?