Parents not telling me whether there children are coming to my son's party or not!

[junkfoodaddict]

Sadly, my DS (nearly 2) was born at a very unreasonable time of the year (end of December - how dare he!) We have decided to hold a party at our local village hall this weekend (between Christmas and New Year). I was considering holding it after New Year, but thought, fuck it, my son can't help when he was born!!!
I sent out 30-odd invites knowing fine well that some families wouldn't be able to attend due to family festivities and all that. I am perfectly fine with this.
There are 6 more sleeps (I work in 'sleeps') until his big day - nothing fancy, just food, games, toys and a bouncy castle, the same as other families we know. I have only 14 children who are a definite, 4 definitely not, 4 maybes and about 14 with no bloody answer whatsoever!!!!
Why do people do this - not reply to an invite or am I being too keen for replies with it being Christmas as 6 more 'sleeps'. I have given an email address, home address and phone number so it isn't as if I am tricky to contact.
So ... AIBU for declaring on my child's FB event page that I will absolutely not cater for children whose parents have failed to contact me with an answer by the morning of Friday 27th December? That is 48 hours before my DS's big day. I am 'new' to all this party etiquette. A friend did say that you will always get parents who don't bother to inform of their intentions and will turn up or not turn up leaving you in a bit of a pickle.
Shall I be a bit renegade and begin the task of shaming parents into doing the polite, cost-less task of replying to someone's invite? I mean, who would NOT reply to a wedding invite and then 'show up' expecting to be welcomed with open arms??????

AIBU for declaring on my child's FB event page I'm just wow at an events page for a 2yo.

Whether your child has a birthday in December, or any one of the other 11 months I would say the same thing: WTF are you stressing yourself with all this hype for a little person who doesnt know what day of the week it is, let alone it's his birthday? It's the path to insanity. you will have quite enough of this shit when he starts school, i certainly wouldnt be inviting it from what is effectively the local toddler group.

My DS3 was born on Dec 28th. It is a terrible time of the year, but it doesn't change the fact that people will have other priorities and the numbers are likely to be low.

It is very rude not to RSVP - I always do immediately to any event we go to, but sadly many others don't RSVP and such is life.

If you are prepared to not have food or a party bag for a small child, who through no fault of his own shows up with a present ready to party, then so be it! I know I would not want to be that person and whilst clearly there should've been an RSVP, on the day it is you who will look like the baddie.

Can I just add, you do sound a bit aggressive - perhaps you need to calm down a bit! Rampaging will just make you look like an arse and won't bode well for your son and party invitiations (both ways) for years to come.

Cater for the number who have replied but have some extra things you can open if needed that can be kept and used over new year if not needed.

Do not do party bags. Give each child a milky bar and a balloon on the way out - nothing wasted but enough if extra turn up.

Next time hold his party in early January - things are always a bit quiet and it's nice to have something to do and handy for recycling unwanted Christmas gifts

FB events most people ignore dont they? Childrens parties are usually sent out via paper invitation or text to close relatives. PMSL at a two year old having an events page!

Its annoying when people dont reply but you are not paying per head so just cater for a few extra. Its a toddlers birthday party at the end of the day.

bloody hell! what a to-do! dd is 8 today - we have a party for her the weekend before her birthday - Sunday this year - and invite about 14 children knowing that at least three will be unable to come and may just about be able to let me know as they are incredibly busy organising their Christmas. It can be annoying but really it's not the end of the world! In the end 9 cam and we hadn't heard from 3 - no problem, just got on with it and I know from experience that back at school their parents will say 'oh I'm so sorry, we were so busy'. It's not the end of the world honest.

You've got way more replies than normally happens. Cater for two more and go with the flow.

it's annoying but this always happens with parties. I try to reply to invites as soon as I can, although there may be the odd time I've left it a bit late, but even when we sent out our wedding invitations, we had to chase people up. We always do enough party bags for everyone, as a lot of people do turn up without replying. It's not the kids' fault if their parents don't RSVP. I suppose for 2 year olds you can keep the party bags pretty simple.

It's very annoying when you don't get replies, but I would guess some of the parents are reluctant to commit to a party over the festive period. Family plans change, things come up etc between Christmas and New Year and as wrong as it is, some people will think it's perfectly fine to leave their reply until the last minute or not reply at all and turn up anyway!

I would send out a reminder to everyone who hasn't yet replied saying that you need to have the final numbers asap for food etc. There's always a few who need a push.

Youve got years of this ahead of you op. Its annoying i agree but i usually do a few extra party bags and wait to see who turns up.

YANBU - it's bloody rude not to respond to an invitation IMO, whenever the party is. From this thread it seems I've done well - we're also holding a birthday party for DS this weekend and only one person has failed to respond either way.

Hope your DS enjoys his party OP, however many people turn up.

Only read your op, but I always contact people who don't reply. I've done about 14 kids' parties and there are always some who don't reply. I'd rather contact them than not know how many party bags and how much food to do

My choice of birthday celebration for my child is not up for debate.

Snurk. You're gonna LOVE MN.

Snurk. You're gonna LOVE MN.

Particularly AIBU.

This may help.

You actually seriously need to get a grip ,

I have no idea what I'm doing Boxing Day. I'm supposed to be seeing a friend on 27th and have told her I can't confirm til nearer the time, due to some family stuff going on.

You've picked a bad weekend to have a kids party. People tend to be doing family stuff.

All three of my children were born at unreasonable times - two in the first few days of January and one at the end of August. We've found that birthday celebrations are attended better if they are held the week after life has returned to normal.

bit gobsmacked at this one.

dear lord.

facebook events invites (no comment) can be not spotted or buried under other notifications and easily missed. paper invites can get buried at the bottom of school bags but then your child is2!! so we're talking busy mums of toddlers who use nurseries presumably because they're working plus are trying to organise christmas and juggle parents, in laws, present buying, house cleaning etc etc etc somehow a slip of paper or a facebook notification is meant to register as emergency level in the midst of that much mental noise?

neither you nor your child are the centre of the universe - i know you know that but seriously taking this personally or as an afront means you're forgetting that.

people are busy, overrun, grieving lost family members who won't be there, dealing with marriage issues flaring up, worrying about money and a zillion other things that can be at there worst at christmas. it's a 'get over yourself' problem i'm afraid.

just for a second ask yourself out of a sample of 30 odd parents how many will have a seriously ill family member? how many financial difficulties? how many be on the brink of divorce (half of all marriages and all that)? in the midst of a cancer scare? at risk of redundancy? etc etc etc on top of the usual stress and strain.

it's a toddlers party fgs.

I think it's pretty standard to text and remind people - in the end it helps you. Once you get to the stage where invites are being delivered in school bags you definitely have to check up. Also, you generally get a few last minute cancellations from people who have said yes.

I would give him a second birthday like the Queen, later in the year.

I do usually reply but am guilty of thinking I had replied to close friends and only when they asked me I realised I had just wrote it on comment and forgot to say DS is actually attending..

I have to say if I received and invite for my DS from nursery when he was 2 it would of been bottom of my list....Now it would depend if it is one of his classmates or a good friend of his ( he is 6) ..

It is something you get used to... and actually I am sure you would be happier getting a reply knowing one way or another. than wondering how many will turn up...

I have 3 DC oldest is 10, and none born either during summer holidays or Christmas, yet consistently around half never answer to party invites. So for that reason - and also that its Christmas and also the facebook invites don't think you are right to be annoyed.

Easiest thing to do is to text everyone and say "Its [name] party on Sunday, I need final numbers, so please let me know if your DC is coming. If I haven't heard by tomorrow evening then I will assume its a no. Thanks"

I would never invite by facebook page as many people don't log onto facebook even if they have an account, if I did this most of the people wouldn't reply. I give out paper invites at school and either text or email as well.

Not withstanding the comments about why your child's 2nd birthday is a big deal to you, I can see why it might not be a priority to others, especially if they also have older children / family commitments. eg My 10 year old DD would insist on missing a family occasion for a friend's birthday party but I wouldn't let my 3 year old DS2 miss the family occasion as he would be less aware of when his friends parties were.

It's one of the joys of having a birthday at this time of the year. Around here you have to book your venue by September and then cross your fingers that no other xmas event gets scheduled for the same slot.

For next year- try not to go with an inflexible venue, don't use fb - not everyone will be on it as much as you. Get the invites out by 1st Dec with a RSVP date no later than 16th so you have time to politely chase. Finally expect late changes and cater extra party bags for random additions.

I hadn't had any reply for one child and they (plus uninvited sibling) turned up on doorstep on the day expecting lift to venue. DH had to turn them away as no space in car but invitee did appear later having cadged lift with another child. It takes all sorts.

My ds (dc4) will be 2 on NYD. I've booked a similar party to yours for mid January, hoping everyone will be over the Christmas/NY chaos. Having the party in a hall means my large family can get together at once without playing sardines as we can't really use the garden!

That said, my others have spring and summer birthdays and I have the same non-reply problems. It's frustrating, and rude.