Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Parents not telling me whether there children are coming to my son's party or not!

74 replies

junkfoodaddict · 23/12/2013 22:40

Sadly, my DS (nearly 2) was born at a very unreasonable time of the year (end of December - how dare he!) We have decided to hold a party at our local village hall this weekend (between Christmas and New Year). I was considering holding it after New Year, but thought, fuck it, my son can't help when he was born!!!
I sent out 30-odd invites knowing fine well that some families wouldn't be able to attend due to family festivities and all that. I am perfectly fine with this.
There are 6 more sleeps (I work in 'sleeps') until his big day - nothing fancy, just food, games, toys and a bouncy castle, the same as other families we know. I have only 14 children who are a definite, 4 definitely not, 4 maybes and about 14 with no bloody answer whatsoever!!!!
Why do people do this - not reply to an invite or am I being too keen for replies with it being Christmas as 6 more 'sleeps'. I have given an email address, home address and phone number so it isn't as if I am tricky to contact.
So ... AIBU for declaring on my child's FB event page that I will absolutely not cater for children whose parents have failed to contact me with an answer by the morning of Friday 27th December? That is 48 hours before my DS's big day. I am 'new' to all this party etiquette. A friend did say that you will always get parents who don't bother to inform of their intentions and will turn up or not turn up leaving you in a bit of a pickle.
Shall I be a bit renegade and begin the task of shaming parents into doing the polite, cost-less task of replying to someone's invite? I mean, who would NOT reply to a wedding invite and then 'show up' expecting to be welcomed with open arms??????

OP posts:

mercibucket · 23/12/2013 23:09

I wouldn't see a fb invite as an invite at all, sorry

Original poster

junkfoodaddict · 23/12/2013 23:11

Well the FB thing worked! Only been a couple of minutes and I've had a quick "I'll check with hubby in the morning' reply!!!!

OP posts:

sparklyma · 23/12/2013 23:11

In all due respect the trauma you went through to have him has nothing to do with it. It is simply a child's birthday party. No one else will care about it,as much as you because its not their child. Harsh but true. You really do need to chill out about it really. Everyone is focussed on Christmas. Not much you can do about that except accept it.

mercibucket · 23/12/2013 23:12

ah, I see it is the paper invites. did you check they were handed out? you usually need to chase this stuff. does it matter much? I only pay for those who reply if it is a pay per head venue, but if it isn't, I just cater for the number invited

you have chosen a terrible time though!

rockybalboa · 23/12/2013 23:13

Unfortunately I think YABU. A bit. It is a two year olds party, he won't remember it. Hell, you will barely remember it by the time 10 years have passed and you're partied put. You ALWAYS get people who don't reply, it's annoying but it's a fact of life and gets more hassle when it comes to things like party bags. But you are getting too stressed about it. Cater for a few extra for food and if you are doing party bags only do them for the kids whose parents RSVP'd. Those who didn't but turn up anyway can explain to their wailing two year why they didn't get one. Don't put an arsey message on the FB page, it creates the wrong impression. But if you have already given the impression you are 'not mum to be messed with' I'm not that surprised people are steering clear, I would.

FestiveYoni · 23/12/2013 23:15

sadly welcome to the horrid world of the childs party, its cut throat, you put so much effort in and even with small parties of say 8 or 6 when you tell them its only small thinking they might feel like actually, replying....still nothing, i think 14 def's is actually quite good.

RedLondonBus · 23/12/2013 23:17

a 2 year olds birthday party having an event page? I bet it's barely glanced at. Don't people have to actively join it?

ShoeWhore · 23/12/2013 23:17

OP in the nicest possible way, I do understand this is a big deal to you but everyone else is running around like headless chickens getting ready for Christmas and has probably (totally unintentionally) forgotten to reply. I found an invitation to ds2's best friend's birthday party in his school bag this morning! Hadn't managed to check - this party isn't until just after New Year but could easily have been sooner.

In future it might be better to arrange the party for early in the New Year?

Xmasbaby11 · 23/12/2013 23:18

I would be annoyed too! I would contact them individually to have a better chance of knowing, otherwise you will have to cater for all of them and no idea who is coming.

2 is pretty young to have or attend a party, which is probably why people aren't taking it very seriously.

BrianTheMole · 23/12/2013 23:19

You might find extras turn up uninvited anyway. Dd had a party for 30 and 35 turned up . I still look back at the photos and wonder who the heck a few of them were

Original poster

junkfoodaddict · 23/12/2013 23:21

mercibucket - it took 5 days for the invites to be handed out! A long tail, but I found out it was also another child's birthday and the parent hadn't arranged a party for her child but was thinking of the same day so i was a bit peeved when I found out that the invites were 'being hung onto'. My wild and insanely pessimistic atttitude was making me think the invites were being hung onto because the 'other' child' mum worked at my child's nursery and I thought they were being underhanded and dealing out the 'other' child's invites before my own!
Bloody stupid of me - I know!!!
I know they were handed out because 2 parents have replied via email. One parent I expected to because my child attended her son's party only three weeks before. Another child I have been informed of whose mum may not know because his invite was sent home on the night he went to his dad's and she doesn't go on FB that much (one parent who got both invites) and another mum (whose daughter isn't coming - which is fine!) has offered to text her for me. .

I absolutely know, I have sounded arsy in this thread, and getting wound up, and yes, I know that he isn't precious to everyone else as he is to me. But he is my son and I don't think I am being unreasonable feeling proud, dejected, annoyed, pissed off etc, etc but I am being unreasonable for expecting everyone to think the world of my child in the same way I do.

I needed this thread to give me a shake, a slap and to bring me back to sanity over this.

It is working!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

junkfoodaddict · 23/12/2013 23:22

*tale!!!! Doh!

Going to bed.

OP posts:

BrianTheMole · 23/12/2013 23:24

I take it its your first party for him? In fairness I felt fairly stressed when I first did a party for my oldest dc. It worked out well in the end though.

Jynxed · 23/12/2013 23:25

Yes, it's incredibly annoying and rude, but it is a fact of life with kids birthday parties, so you will need to come to terms with it. Two year olds don't have "friends" as such, so many parents will not see this party as a particularly important event as this time of year. I am not surprised you are a little irritated, but your reaction seems a little out of proportion. You have said yourself it is not much work, your kind friend is doing the catering and any extra can be put in the freezer, there is no "cost per head", so chill out! From the tone you are adopting on here many people will be too frightened to turn up and face the mad woman! Wait till your boy is a teenager and you won't know who has been invited, let along who is coming (or when they intend to leave). Get a sense of proportion!

cafecito · 23/12/2013 23:28

what charitymum said

Original poster

junkfoodaddict · 23/12/2013 23:29

First party was at home with family and friends. More turned up than I thought hence why I moved it to the village hall!

With the mind-set of my village, lots DO turn up to 2-year-olds birthdays. Since my DS's first birthday was different to everyone elses, I simply 'followed suit' with his 2nd as it was 'popular' amongst parents and kids.

Next year we have decided NOT to do a party and maybe make it a biannual event!!!

OP posts:

HavantGuard · 23/12/2013 23:30

Wow. Over 30 children at a 2 year olds party? We had a weekend lunchtime party with the grandparents, our siblings and their DC and had a cake made and I thought I'd gone OTT.

shoofly · 23/12/2013 23:50

Oh god OP I feel your pain Ds1 s birthday is the 27th December and I have had this crap every bloody year. Last year was the worst - texting everyone on Christmas Eve to confirm bowling alley and chasing people politely but persistently. 3 kids who had confirmed still didn't turn up and we were left standing waiting for the kids to start bowling.

This year DS will be 8 & has decided tea and cake in the afternoon at our house and a bigger present will do instead of a party

People are busy and stressed with Christmas but how long does it take to answer an invitation and write it on the calendar?

VonHerrBurton · 23/12/2013 23:50

You really do need to just go with what you know, as in, there are definitely going to be around 15/20 v young children and probably their parent/s coming. Hardly any of them will eat much, most will pick at a biscuit or have a few crisps ad a drink - I've never hosted nor been to a young child's party where the host has under-catered.

The entertainment is booked and coming anyway, just leave the people who haven't replied. You will have to get used to this - it happens all the time, Christmas birthdays are even more problematic for people (much easier to forget, not knowing your plans, kids off school..)Its massively important to you, but not everyone else.

You need to go to bed, reread this thread in the morning. It will all be fine, don't let it take over the enjoyment of the rest of christmas.

jellybeans · 24/12/2013 00:19

This really annoys me every time. I have August borns (end of) and usually only half turned up. I didn't bother inviting kids the next year if their parents couldn't be arsed to reply. It only takes a text. I had to chase loads up for DC5 recently and it was a lot of stress and I felt I was 'mithering'. But it was as well I asked them again as some had forgotten, some lost the invite etc. Contact them directly and say you need numbers asap could they give you an answer. I sympathise as it is the worst part of organising a party.

winterchunderland · 24/12/2013 00:32

I feel for you OP.
Next time you could use one of those email invite apps that automatically show you when the recipient opens the invite. Then it automatically emails them a few days before stating that they have "confirmed" "declined" or not responded.
They are brilliant and take the stress out of chasing etc.

It's not hard to respond.

confuddledDOTcom · 24/12/2013 01:22

I'm jealous! I usually get no replies and no attendees. The last party I arranged was full of family, children of friends and one friend from Girl's Brigade. The hall was behind the school too so it's not like it was too far for her friends to go.

givemeaclue · 24/12/2013 01:32

It is very annoying. My children are much older and I have never ever had anyone not RSVP. Send a chaser text tomorrow.

MilkOneSugar · 24/12/2013 01:45

I haven't RTFT yet but you have my utmost sympathies op. My DD's birthday is today (Xmas eve). She's 3 this time.

In the past I have done her a party a couple of weeks before her birthday but this year I had no choice but to do it the weekend between Christmas and new year. My nephews birthday is a couple of days before DD's and SIL is much more organised than me and always books the best weekend. I've also found that playgyms etc get booked up very early for December (like months before) I'm guessing because parents of DC with December birthdays are accustomed to being organised. A lot has happened in the last six months that has meant I have been unable to be as organised and on the ball.

Like you, I am still waiting for about 10 replies, so half. With it being a play gym, I have to inform them of numbers 48 hours before and pay for those spaces so I am risking people turning up but not having a space if I don't include them but equally I don't want to waste money on non-attendees. Then there's the risk of bad weather forcing us to cancel. All very stressful.

Having said that, DD1's birthday is August and I have the same problem. Most people are on holiday at that time. This year I had several non responses and of those that did respond, some no-shows without apology or even letting me know . I agree, it is very rude. It's bad enough that they will feel their birthday is overshadowed by Christmas without having anyone at their party .

Good luck though op. We should both come back and vent update on the rude fuckers!

ShoeWhore · 24/12/2013 07:49

I don't know if it helps put things in perspective but I usually got the same problem with non-replies for my dcs' June/July birthdays. It is rude but it happens all the time. Christmas exacerbates it, I'm sure.

And what VonHerr said too.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread