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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Offered a council house but partner doesn't want to accept as it's 40 mins commute from work

256 replies

Zeta123 · 23/12/2013 20:27

I applied for council housing in the middle of November. I was offered a horrid house first and refused and was yesterday offered the most beautiful council house I have ever seen. It's 2 bedroom but in a lovely area and it's huge with a big garden. It's perfect, it even meets my partners very high standards. But he wants to refuse it as it's 45 mins from his work place and also isn't in the exact area that he wants. I'm trying to explain to him that it's not like buying a house. Although we have been offered two houses in the space of a few weeks this isn't the norm and it's actually hard to get a council house. I have wrote this thread in the hope that the replies will make him realise some people wait a long time for a house and are in much worse situation than us. We should be grateful to not only be offered a house but a beautiful one at that. So do you think he is being unreasonable and unrealistic to refuse a lovely house because of a 45 minute commute? How long did u wait for a house/ is there a long waiting list In your area? Also explain to him that in many areas we wouldn't even be housed at all as we only have one child and he works on quite a good job. We've accepted the house but he's not happy about it.

OP posts:
Tinkertaylor1 · 23/12/2013 20:57

He sounds like an idiot.

HomeHelpMeGawd · 23/12/2013 20:57

You are indeed very lucky to be offered the house. If your DP is commuting by car, he can listen to the radio or a podcast; if he's travelling by train / bus / tube, he can read a book, a paper or watch something on a tablet; and if he's travelling by bike, he can revel in the exercise. He needs to treat the commute as a special time in which he can do something he wouldn't otherwise find easy to do

breatheslowly · 23/12/2013 20:57

Can you afford his commute? That is the only reason I can think of that might be a reasonable reason to reject it.

LST · 23/12/2013 20:58

Good luck in your new home op Smile

Alaska dp and myself havr never evee claimed benefits and both of us work. I am actually shocked people still think people in council homes are all jobless and on benefits Hmm

EirikurNoromaour · 23/12/2013 20:58

Up to 20 minutes? How accommodating of him! FFs, he's living in a fantasy world. Getting a council house is very hard, getting a nice one is almost impossible.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 23/12/2013 21:01

He is definitely a twat and an entitled one at that?

How come you get a council house if he works? Does the council think you are a single mum?

Original poster
Zeta123 · 23/12/2013 21:01

He earns around 20,000 a year and I am a full time mum so not earning although I am a qualified teacher so in a few years may work and earn roughly the same. For now however we are reliant on his income to support myself and our newborn baby. It's not a lot so the commute won't help finances which is something g he is concerned about but it's mainly having to get up earlier than if he was nearer to work and getting back later that he is bothered about.

OP posts:
ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 23/12/2013 21:02

45 minutes commute is nothing really. DH's used to be 1 hour 15 minutes. Mine used to be 2 hours. He is lucky to have a job and a "free" house.

TwattyBojangles · 23/12/2013 21:02

You'd be mad to refuse the house. It's the most secure tenancy you'll ever get. I've been waiting for a flat since June, and I'm currently in temporary accomodation. They're like gold dust, and for a good reason.

Original poster
Zeta123 · 23/12/2013 21:03

No the council does not think I'm a single mum! My council actually gives priority to those that work or volunteer in the community.

OP posts:
Fairylea · 23/12/2013 21:03

Aw poor thing he will need to get up earlier.

Add an alarm clock to your housewarming gifts.

Ninasaurus · 23/12/2013 21:04

40 mins is a very average commute. He has unreasonable expectations about commutes. I have commuted 1.25 hrs and that would be my personal limit.

Tell him if the house is that nice it is likely he will be able to swap for one in his preferred area at a later stage :)

Chuckthefucklebrothers · 23/12/2013 21:04

Council properties are not 'free'!

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 23/12/2013 21:06

Before you all lay into me I also assumed council houses were for those who can't work.

LST · 23/12/2013 21:07

Wow toffee and alaska...Shock Hmm

FudgefaceMcZ · 23/12/2013 21:08

Not been able to afford to live within less than 30 mins of my work (usually further, now it's about 30 min depending on traffic) ever since I've had a job. (Well actually when I first had a paper round it was in easy walking distance of my grans but you see what I mean). He can deal with it!

As long as the area is nice he should shut up whining.

WooWooOwl · 23/12/2013 21:08

My DH commutes for anything up to an hour and 15 minutes each day, but usually it's only about 50. He considers himself lucky, as before that it was at least an hour and a half. Your DP is being a bit of a twat about the commute.

It does cost more money to get work, but you get a council house FFS! That means subsidised rent, all building maintenance included, and a secure tenancy for as long as you want it! He has no idea how lucky he is.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 23/12/2013 21:08

We are in London and a 45 minute commute is a dream for most people. He IBVU.

Sarahplane · 23/12/2013 21:09

I have a fourty five minute commute to work because my work moved. He'll get used to it. In our area you have to be very high priority to get council housing and even then it takes at least six months of being registered homeless to get offered a flat in a tower block in a horrible area, and if you don't bid on horrible flats in the worst areas then they take your priority off you so you'd wait years for a flat in a semi decent area. A house is like gold dust especially in a nice area with a garden.

sporktacular · 23/12/2013 21:10

You might find it much easier to find a new partner than another even barely acceptable council house. Also they will probably penalise you for refusing an offer without very good reason, and a 45 min commute will not be seen as a good reason. This means you are likely to be taken off the list for housing altogether if you do not accept this house. That's how it works in my city, anyway.

Good luck, and enjoy the beautiful house (and new partner, if that's what it takes...! Wink)

MammaTJ · 23/12/2013 21:10

For goodness sake, there a lot of people on here who think only the unemployed or single mums can get, or even need social housing. That is definitely not the case. The social housing is not free, I only wish it was. Whatever gave you that idea, Toffee?

I personally live in an area where the only jobs available are poorly paid ones. A lot of social housing.

OP, I am glad you accepted the house. The next one offered may be worse than the first and you would have to accept it. I think once you have been there a certain amount of time (most places a year) then you can put in for an exchange.

LST · 23/12/2013 21:12

It's not subsidised either.

XiCi · 23/12/2013 21:12

He sounds stupid, selfish and entitled. Good luck with that one.

I'd imagine that the majority of people have a longer commute than that. Most of us though don't expect to be handed the perfect house on a plate right next to our workplaces. What if he lost his job and got another in a different area. Would he expect the council to find you another lovely property to suit his commute? Sorry but he is an arse

Deux · 23/12/2013 21:12

Diddums. Poor him, having to get up earlier.

How old is he?

When someone shows you what they are really like, take heed.

Debs75 · 23/12/2013 21:13

So if his commute was going to be 5 mins would he waste petrol using his car?

Sorry MrZeta you are outnumbered here, suck it up and relish in the fact you have a decent house to move into with a sensible rent