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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that a 19 week old baby does not need 68 presents...

37 replies

Sammie101 · 23/12/2013 16:33

....just from Grandma?! Kind of light hearted thread with pissed off undertones!

My DM is the type of person who lives on ebay, and loves to shop whether she needs it or not. Her house is LITERALLY packed with stuff. I don't begrudge her buying things for her, it's her choice and her boyfriends money. But our DD is 19 weeks old, has no idea what Christmas is except that Fairy lights are pretty and a good excuse to stop and stare midway through a feed! She won't remember it at all except the pictures we will take and the few gifts that we got for her to keep for years to come.

Me and OH stuck to a small(ish) budget and bought her presents that are things that she will use in the next few months. DM on the other hand, has bought her toys, teddies, books, FIVE Beatrix Potter music boxes, Beatrix Potter miniature teapots and figurines etc etc. I don't want to sound ungrateful because I know she has got some things we can't really afford to get her BUT we live in a tiny 2 bed flat with no storage space and no where to put all this stuff!

I'm dreading the post-Christmas clean up!

That's it! Just had my rant and now I'm going to attempt to organise these presents under the tree so we can actually walk in DDs room!

OP posts:
busylizzie76 · 23/12/2013 16:37

Wow that sounds obsessive - yanbu

candycoatedwaterdrops · 23/12/2013 16:38

YANBU. I think those 68 presents can live at grandma's house!

Original poster
Sammie101 · 23/12/2013 16:47

So glad people don't think I'm being a huge bitch for being a bit Shock at all these presents!

I got a bit annoyed when she was listing all the things she has bought and when I said that I was worried because DD has lots of other family members asking what she would like for Christmas and I couldn't think of anything she hadn't already bought! DM got very dramatic and upset. Apparently she was trying to make up for the fact that she couldn't afford these nice things for me and my siblings! Only we were all completely SPOILT at Christmas, she got our family into debt by buying us all the nice things we wanted Hmm

When we found out we were having a girl she bought clothes up to the age of 2 years old--so now we have two boxes full of clothes stored in our wardrobe and clothes in her wardrobe that are 0-3 months that she hasn't worn or only worn once. Again I know I sound ungrateful but I'm not a very wasteful person, I hate that she has so many nice clothes that she'll grow out of and won't have any use for. I suppose that comes from turning into a very thrifty person since finding out I was pregnant, I'm a penny pincher Confused

OP posts:
nauticant · 23/12/2013 16:51

YANBU, my mother did the same. However, as Christmases passed, I began to realise that, having been brought up in desperate poverty, she was actually buying a childhood's missed presents for herself using the baby as a proxy.

WitchWay · 23/12/2013 16:51

Five music boxes??

WitchWay · 23/12/2013 16:52

nauticant Sad

Original poster
Sammie101 · 23/12/2013 16:54

Yep, 5 Hmm

1 would have been lovely, it's something she can keep for years. But apparently my mum liked them all so much she couldn't chose so she bought them all

OP posts:
Iggity · 23/12/2013 16:54

My mother did this when my DS was born. Loads of designer clothes from ebay. They kept coming. Mh DH was sorely peed off with her. So was I as I never had the chance to buy anything myself what with her clothes and presents from other people. However I have what my consultant describes as a "tragic obstetric history" and he is her second and currently only grandchild. I just breathed deeply and took any unwanted stuff to charity shop.

WitchWay · 23/12/2013 16:55

My mum went a bit OTT after (first grand)son born - piles of fussy velvet babygros with little pie-frill collars - bloody horrible - & went totally overboard at Christmas too - hers wasn't the result of a deprived childhood though, more the first stages in an unpleasant game called "who's the favourite grandparent?", drove me nuts!

Elfhame · 23/12/2013 16:58

Unless you live in a mansion then YANBU

raisah · 23/12/2013 17:02

Keep everything that you need for the next year and e-bay the rest & bank the money in a savings account for your dd. Sell the duplicate jewellery boxes and tell her that you have done this so that she thinks twice before spending her cash.

Has she got a shopping problem?

WipsGlitter · 23/12/2013 17:05

You really need to sit down and talk this through with her.

TheABC · 23/12/2013 17:07

YANBU. You don't have the space and it is a waste of cash. If she wants to spoil her grandchild, set up an ISA and put some money aside each month for really necessary gifts down the road (bikes, school trips, driving lessons, etc). Myself and my DH have been very blunt with our family and friends for the same reason (DS is the firstborn grandchild on both sides) and it seems to have worked with the exception of my grandmother
DS does have gifts under the tree from everyone, but it's not overwhelming.

If stuff really is a problem, resell it on EBay - as she is on it so much, perhaps she will get the hint!

loisismyhero · 23/12/2013 17:09

Five music boxes because she couldn't choose??

You're mother is a shopaholic, you do know that don't you?

loisismyhero · 23/12/2013 17:10

*Your mother

Original poster
Sammie101 · 23/12/2013 17:20

She's always had a shopping problem! She left my dad with £30,000 worth of debt. I try taking to her and telling her that we don't need it all but she just gets defensive and says she enjoys spoiling DD. It got to the point where she cried and said she would sell it all.I kind of feel like mine and OH's paltry pile of charity shop books and B&m bargains presents will be grossly overshadowed!

I also asked if she would keep some presents back for DD's birthday and she said she would. When I asked her how many she kept back when she was dropping them off she said she had kept 1 to give DD as a christening present Confused

It's not as if it's her first grandchild, she has 2 grandsons who she's also gone way over the top with. My sister has learnt to put up with it but she has a lot more space than we do, and I suppose I just hate the thought of money being wasted on things that will never be used!

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 23/12/2013 17:24

I think you know she has a problem, and I think you also understand you can't change her (although of course you can keep talking to her about this). What you can do though is decide what you want to do with all these gifts. I completely agree, e-bay them if you can deal with the hassle (and put money in an account for DD) or ship everything off to the charity shop.

The thought of 5 music boxes is making me feel quite unwell, and I am usually firmly in the 'smile and say thanks' category for present receiving.

Original poster
Sammie101 · 23/12/2013 17:24

ALSO (sorry, I could write a book ranting about my mum) she came into a bit of money after she had finished all her Christmas shopping and decided to get each grandchild one more big present. When she showed me what she wanted to get she said she was just going to give us £100 to put into DD's ISA but because my sisters two boys don't have a savings account she felt she couldn't give DD money and buy my nephews a present Hmm

Luckily I got to pick which version of the big present I wanted and it is something we would like for DD, but it's still going to take up quite a bit of space. Our flat has no storage cupboards to store big items so everything is on display! Gah.

OP posts:
foreverondiet · 23/12/2013 17:25

I think you say something like, wow its so great you bought things that she will enjoy at your house. And be firm that you simply don't have space for anything that she won't use in next three-six months. I would say that you have space in your flat for the most suitable books for a baby plus one toy. The music boxes she won't enjoy for at least a year so will stay at grandmas. If you take the stuff to your house she will just buy more.

BocaDeTrucha · 23/12/2013 17:33

Omg, am feeling like a bad parent now as we have bought ds (13 weeks) one present which cost under £10!!! And he's playing with it already!! Shock

HedgehogsRevenge · 23/12/2013 17:39

Donate them to a charity/kids hospice. So many kids will get nothing on Christmas day, that kind of extravagance makes me feel a bit nauseous.

bex2011 · 23/12/2013 17:41

I know how you feel. When DS is in bed I am going to rationalise his present from my Dad, bought by his partner. A lot of it will be clothes. The record is 22 pairs of pjs in one parcel!

thegreylady · 23/12/2013 17:52

Can you put a shelf unit on dd's wall? Display what you can and put the rest away in boxes until you can sell them without giving offence.

Saurus72 · 23/12/2013 18:53

YANBU

Perhaps you could suggest keeping a lot of the gifts at Grandma's house, so when the baby visits DD will have something to play with.

NewtRipley · 23/12/2013 19:26

It's really sad, She must be pretty unhappy/stressed deep down because this sounds like a full on addiction/obsession that she won't admit to.

The new grandchild is a brilliant justification for her to be defensive about it

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