AIBU to think that a 19 week old baby does not need 68 presents...

[Sammie101]

....just from Grandma?! Kind of light hearted thread with pissed off undertones!

My DM is the type of person who lives on ebay, and loves to shop whether she needs it or not. Her house is LITERALLY packed with stuff. I don't begrudge her buying things for her, it's her choice and her boyfriends money. But our DD is 19 weeks old, has no idea what Christmas is except that Fairy lights are pretty and a good excuse to stop and stare midway through a feed! She won't remember it at all except the pictures we will take and the few gifts that we got for her to keep for years to come.

Me and OH stuck to a small(ish) budget and bought her presents that are things that she will use in the next few months. DM on the other hand, has bought her toys, teddies, books, FIVE Beatrix Potter music boxes, Beatrix Potter miniature teapots and figurines etc etc. I don't want to sound ungrateful because I know she has got some things we can't really afford to get her BUT we live in a tiny 2 bed flat with no storage space and no where to put all this stuff!

I'm dreading the post-Christmas clean up!

That's it! Just had my rant and now I'm going to attempt to organise these presents under the tree so we can actually walk in DDs room!

Oh, and really frustrating for you, OP. But I do think it's a psychological problem and you shouldn't feel guilty or ungrateful.

I think it's definitely related to boredom/unhappiness. For the past 11 years she hasn't worked, lost most of her friends and doesn't have regular contact with any other friends. I feel sorry for her sometimes because it's not a life I'd ever want to live.

I really love the idea of giving some presents to a children's hospice or to charity, I know one little thing can make a difference to a child and my DD is already so lucky to have so many lovely family members and friends that have been very generous!

I'm having to take the shelves from my room at home and put them up in DD's room for all the ornaments. And some of the books and teddies will definitely be going to grandmas, there are loads of my old ones in her room already!

Did you ever watch that programme Shopaholics, OP? Really interesting, and useful. Tackling the issue from psychological and practical perspectives.

Hard for you to do anything though if she is defensive about it.

Wow I'm sorry but I cannot believe you would complain that your mother wants to shower gifts on your child, (her grandchild).
I know I'm in the minority but my mother couldn't care less about me and hasn't even met all my children despite living only an hour away. IMO you are very lucky. Not in a grabby way, just that she is there and excited with/for you and your lo.
Be kind you can't undo what you have said sometimes.

This is what i was dreading for my19 week old from MIL, so we gave her a choice of 2 bigger practical items and she bought both! We haven't bought anything and my parents are giving money so we've dodged that particular bullet.

If i had to deal with that many presents id likely have a panic attack.

Way OTT, ai e passed off at just the endlessness of it on top of the space issue. When my first baby was 6 months at Christmas they got a nice little toy to open on the day, family maybe got a token gift or two.

Stubbs I know I'm very lucky for everything she has done for me and DD. She bought a lot of things for DD when I was pregnant and we wouldn't have managed very well if she didn't do this. I just feel like she feels like she needs to buy people's affection, like if she gets the most presents for DD she loves her the most. Plus we really just don't have the room, I predict things will get stuffed in boxes and the delicate gifts such as the little ornaments will get broken. I know that happens with a young child but I'm a bit silly and sentimental about things and if something broke I would feel guilty and upset about it

stubbs

I'm sorry about your mum - that is really horrible.

But the OP thinks this isn't really a very positive way of her mum showing her love - did you read the bit about debt further up?

X post

Ok, RTFT now. I'd have to say something - no way would the majority of that stuff be getting over my doorstep. What a waste, this all about her and she obviously has a real problem or addiction. If she wanted to do good think how much it would mean to her GC to put the money in accounts for them for when they are older or something.

I'd be putting my foot down.

YANBU.

It is excessive but I have a couple of points that I would like to make which might explain why she has done this.

1. She is not sure if her boyfriend/her relationship with her boyfriend will last long term so whilst she has the money she wants to be able to spend it.
2. You didn't get as much as that when you were younger so she wants to make up for it with her grandchildren.

Beatrix Potter and the like will not be used for another 5 or 6 years at least, but I suppose it's the thought that counts. I would say, 'That's fine Mum as long as you don't mind storing the stuff she wont use in the next 6 months at your place'. :)

If you could only divert this unwanted behaviour onto something useful... Would you trust her to provide childcare, babysitting, etc? She obviously wants to be thinking of your DC all the time, doing lovely things all the time. Could she get an allotment and create a special garden for her to enjoy when she's older? She can spend ages doing that and have a lovely fiddle about with cuttings and so forth.

Agree that a child savings account - or even, dare I say it, some help for you two to get a bigger family home for her granddaughter to grow up in, in due course- would be a more genuine help.

Could she write a family history book and document all the generations so DD knows all about her family?

I would say the key is to divert this obsessiveness onto something constructive, because you can't change her nature.