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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to have walked out and be ignoring calls?

48 replies

Christmassynamechange · 23/12/2013 08:36

I went on staff works do last night. I started there about 6 weeks ago and was hanging out mainly with the people I've got to know at work. We are a big firm so there were lots of people I don't know.
Anyway one of the guys I chat to at work bought me a drink and we were having a chat by the bar, with others too. I was asking about his new baby son and his wife's new job.

Suddenly I realised people were really staring. I asked him if I had something on my face and he said no, they've all warned him off me because he really fancies me. And they've all said he shouldn't talk to me etc.

I felt sick. So I said that I thought we were just mates and he said he had a different phone to text me with ( have texted maybe 6 times?!)

So I walked away to the bar, another member of staff came to chat with me and said to keep away from him as he's married. I said I know!! And she said 'well you're welcome to him then'.

Feel so embarrassed. Hadn't spoken to him loads before. I think he's built it into a thing and told people at work that we talk a lot or something but we don't. Texts have been more 'is meeting in room 9 and how was hour weekend' type things. The way people were looking at me I think they presumed I've been trying to make a move. I'm gutted as I'm new and god knows what they think!! He keeps calling and I'm obviously ignoring it.

Don't know what I'm asking really.

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 23/12/2013 08:40

Just ignore contact from him and keep focused on your job. This will blow over if you keep your distance from him and make friends with some women. Office dynamics can be a nightmare.

Andrewofgg · 23/12/2013 08:40

Text him to say DON'T TEXT ME, DON'T TALK TO ME, STAY AWAY FROM ME.

If you and he might have to interact in the course of work add UNLESS IT IS STRICTLY BUSINESS but I hope you don't.

If he approaches you again complain to management and don't take No for an answer. This is the sort of shit who makes me embarrassed to be male.

Original poster
Christmassynamechange · 23/12/2013 08:47

That's fine then isn't it. I keep feeling like I'm being rude/ bad mannered for not texting back or apologising for just leaving. How fucked up is that though. I don't need to apologise do I? I'm not rude am I? It was the right thing to do and I just won't speak to him again. I feel like I'm over reacting but god if that was my husband I would be furious

OP posts:
GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 08:47

Just ignore him, make new friends, don't try to explain, you'll just make it worse.

Block his number from your phone.

You have done nothing wrong.

JoanRanger · 23/12/2013 08:48

Talk to management/HR. Because it is NOT on for him to spread this story. NOT on.

A different phone for you? Jesus. This has gone way too far in his head.

Original poster
Christmassynamechange · 23/12/2013 08:49

Ok good. I feel awful. I usually am the type to brush things off and get things into perspective, but I keep thinking about it. He texted half an hour ago 'I'm sorry'.
Obviously I've ignored that.

I'm not over reacting am I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Christmassynamechange · 23/12/2013 08:50

Thing is I've not even given him my own number or anything! He's texting off a personal phone but he's sending it to my work phone as I haven't given him my own number.

OP posts:
GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 08:50

No, you're not overreacting.

I actually agree with Joan. Tell work. He's gone too far.

Buzzardisnotina4birdroast · 23/12/2013 08:53

I think you need to let your colleagues know also that you have no idea what was going on. You need support of others, you don't want them to think you are the person they are assuming.

revolvenotevolve · 23/12/2013 08:54

Agree with Joan

Andrewofgg · 23/12/2013 08:54

This is the sort of thing where if you really are sorry, the best way to say so is to say nothing - IYSWIM - not to make saying sorry the excuse for a further communication. If he was really sorry and knew he'd misbehaved he would just STFU - and perhaps months down the line tkae some chance - next year's Christmas bash, perhaps - to say Sorry quietly and then walk away.

He's not sorry. Complain and mean it.

BohemianGirl · 23/12/2013 08:56

It's harassment. tell him , politely, to stop contacting you or you will got to HR and take out a grievance for sexual harrasment

MimiSunshine · 23/12/2013 08:57

I feel off you I really do. A very similar thing happened to me (although he didn't have a separate phone) I only found out he had feelings for me when a colleague commented on him liking the new girl and the pointedly looked at me.
I thought we were just friends, he was really funny and I liked his banter in work (you had to hold your own there) but It was a weird place and clearly in hindsight he had it deeper than that.

I think a lot of people believe we had an affair but no one ever directly asked or commented and I didn't want to stand up in the middle of the floor and deny it in case that made it worse.

The only thing I can suggest is that you go up to the woman who said "you're welcome to him" and say you are shocked at what she said. You had literally only just found out he had feelings for you and in no way reciprocate but will be taking it further if anything like it happens again. Be vague about what 'it' is but leave people with no doubt that you arrnb happy with the gossip or his actions

Original poster
Christmassynamechange · 23/12/2013 08:57

I think he knew he had pissed me off as he said 'what's the matter, I haven't tried anything'...

I told him I was cross as I was new and what would people think of me and he replied that if I wanted we could not talk at school and keep all contact to outside. I was like wtf?! That's when I left.

You're right about complaining I suppose as he had used my works phone to do this. I just don't want to look like I'm rocking the boat.

OP posts:
Original poster
Christmassynamechange · 23/12/2013 08:58

At school? At work

OP posts:
CinnamonPorridge · 23/12/2013 08:58

Agree with Joan. Don't communicate with him unless it's with others around and talk to your boss.
Don't apologise, you've done nothing wrong. He's putting you in an awful situation but I bet he's not sorry (and you're not the first).

GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen · 23/12/2013 08:59

Rock the boat. Rock it hard. He's is being totally inappropriate and unprofessional.

Original poster
Christmassynamechange · 23/12/2013 09:01

We are back in on thurs. I could certainly talk to someone then. God I feel sick, keep going over everything I've said to see if I asked for this?

OP posts:
Shitballs · 23/12/2013 09:02

I agree with Joan too.

It all sounds very odd. You have done nothing wrong. Don't respond, don't explain. Turn your phone off over Christmas and forget about it.

JaquelineHyde · 23/12/2013 09:05

I would speak to someone at work and report it.

You need to make it official if only to protect yourself.

You have no idea what he has told other people about you and him and goodness knows what he might start saying once he twigs that you are ignoring him.

Trigglesx · 23/12/2013 09:05

I agree. Complain and make it very clear this is unwelcome attention from him. Regardless of what others think, he needs to be made very aware that whatever he has built it up to in his head, it stops now.

Original poster
Christmassynamechange · 23/12/2013 09:07

You're right Jaqueline. Thanks for the advice. I hadn't considered what he might say when he's snubbed

OP posts:
tiddleypompom · 23/12/2013 09:09

His behaviour can't be dismissed as difficult 'office dynamics', he has (by the sounds if it) knowingly created an ugly situation to stoke his own ego but that could damage your own reputation & therefore your career at this firm. It would be untenable for me to let this pass without registering with management.

However I would personally be starting with some choice words to this man, to let him know unequivocally that you are not interested in him & do not appreciate him implying this to your new colleagues. I'd be having this chat in company.

StealthPolarBear · 23/12/2013 09:15

You're being stalked (unless you're lying to yourself/on here). Must be very upsetting, this is not normal behaviour on his part

Branleuse · 23/12/2013 09:19

wow, that is really weird. Do you have anyone elses phone number from work.
can you find out what the hell hes said?