Breastfeeding newborn

[SuperLovefuzz]

My OH and I have just had a baby girl, she's now 2 weeks old. I do all the night feeds and changes as I'm on mat leave and OH works full time. He does help if I need it by changing her, but mostly I do it myself (which I'm happy with). I've been breastfeeding her using nipple shields because she has a tongue tie, mixed with giving her expressed breast milk from a bottle. She's also had the occasional top up of formula on the advice of the doctor because she wasn't getting milk quickly enough to clear up the little bit of jaundice she had in the hospital.

On Saturday, her poo was a bit foamy and didn't seem right. I looked up online and found advice which indicated this meant she was getting too much 'foremilk' and not enough 'hindmilk'. Basically she was getting too much of the first milk that comes out which is harder for her body to digest. The advice I found on this was to only feed from one breast for certain blocks of time (alternating) to ensure she is emptying the breast in one sitting and so getting both types of milk. I also took her to the out of hours GP because she seemed to be in pain while pooing. He checked her and agreed that it is because she is not fully breaking down the lactose, but did not offer any other breastfeeding advice. He said this is all completely normal and nothing to worry about.

My OH thinks the best solution is to solely express milk to ensure I am emptying both breasts each time. I've pointed out the issues I have with this as follows (1) in some cases solely expressing can interfere with milk supply and she may end up needing to go onto formula, which we both want to avoid. (2) it is not practical for me to be getting up every 3 hours in the middle of the night to feed her an expressed bottle, change her nappy, get her down and then spend at least 30 mins expressing milk until I empty my breasts. I would have to express during the night to have any chance of keeping up my supply and also to stop my breasts from becoming overly full and uncomfortable. I had to have an emergency c-section and lost over 2 litres of blood. My wound is also infected and I'm on a course of antibiotics. So I need even more rest in order I recover. When I point this out to my OH he takes complete objection, saying I'm putting my own needs before the baby's. (3) this method means she is never getting 'fresh' breastmilk.

We are travelling 200 miles to spend Christmas with his family tomorrow, so I have been expressing milk and storing it in the fridge to use on the journey. Since Saturday, I have also been breastfeeding directly, giving expressed milk and a bit of formula to compensate for what was being stored (short term solution).

The main point my OH focuses on is that by breastfeeding directly, our baby isn't emptying my breast. I have pointed out that she takes between 3 and 6 oz in one feed when taking a bottle, and each breast only holds about 4 oz. I also tested this yesterday by keeping her on one breast for as long as possible and not switching. After this I tried to pump from that breast and only got out about 10ml (after much effort).

DFil is here tonight as he drove up to pick us up and is driving us down to his family tomorrow. (I can't drive because of c-sec and OH can't drive at all).

Since this discussion on Saturday about the best way to proceed, my OH has witnessed me breastfeeding and hasn't commented or tried to intervene. An hour ago when she woke up for a feed, I got up and went to pee first. When I got back OH was holding the baby and comforting her. I got my nipple shield and sat in position for feeding and asked him to pass me the baby. He told me not to breastfeed and instead to go and warm up one of the expressed bottles from the fridge (which I have stored specifically for the journey tomorrow). I said I would feed from my breast and if she needed more milk after this, I would give her a little bit of formula. He completely refused to give her to me so I got quite upset as she was still crying and obviously hungry. I left the room and told him to feed her and went to sleep on the couch. After 10 mins she was still screaming so I came back through and again asked him to give her to me to breastfeed. He still wouldn't do this so I went to get DFil and explained the situation and asked him to speak to OH. He did this and while I was there he agreed that I needed to be left to breastfeed in my own way. I then left them to talk and DFil went back to bed and OH came back through feeding baby with one of the expressed bottles, so I'm not sure what was said.

Eventually I told OH that if he will interfere with my breastfeeding in this way, he can take responsibility for the night feeds from now on and she will have to have formula. This is really upsetting me because I want to breastfeed as I can and think this is best. I am hoping he will become too tired with doing this and working and will relent and realise that not only is sleep important, but also that this should be left to me.

I am looking for any advice and would also like to know if IABU in the way I am handling this. I don't want her to be formula fed but equally, it isn't up to OH to dictate and try to railroad me jnto his way of doing things. I am happy to discuss and take on his opinion, but ultimately it's my choice.

Also on a side note, I don't feel like I want to go to stay with his family now and I will have even less control and will be in an unfamiliar environment. I don't feel I can avoid this though as his dad has come up for us. Also I do want to go because I want the baby to meet his family. I'm really torn about this.

Sorry just wanted to claryfy as I wasn't sure my post made total sense what I meant baby feeds from one boon until full and drops off it themselves then I used to use the pump on the other boon, that seemed to be my most productive way to express.

I just feed from one boon until baby drops off it then put baby on other boon if I can wake him up enough - 3 week old is a lazy thing :)

Did the change in poo come after you started the antibiotics?

I'm putting your DP's behaviour to one side for now as I'm too mad about that part and don't know you or him.

Is there an infant feeding team in your area?

Google it or google breastfeeding support

I say this as you need more real life advice, not self diagnosing on the Internet.

You're HV's advice is questionable; feeding with nipple shields may hinder intake (may help too) but ultimately they can't be described as 'feeding successfully'. Also, tongue tie, depending on the grade/percentage, may need to be cut. Very small procedure which will have a great impact on your latch, therefore extraction.

There will be a bf counsellor or lactation consultant and/or a BF cafe. Find it before going away and take DP with you. he needs to hear what you hear

I'm putting your DP's behaviour to one side for now as I'm too mad about that part and don't know you or him.

Is there an infant feeding team in your area?

Google it or google breastfeeding support

I say this as you need more real life advice, not self diagnosing on the Internet.

You're HV's advice is questionable; feeding with nipple shields may hinder intake (may help too) but ultimately they can't be described as 'feeding successfully'. Also, tongue tie, depending on the grade/percentage, may need to be cut. Very small procedure which will have a great impact on your latch, therefore extraction.

There will be a bf counsellor or lactation consultant and/or a BF cafe. Find it before going away and take DP with you. he needs to hear what you hear

Echoing what others said. My now 6 week old DS had tongue tie snipped at 10 days. They said was up to us as he was feeding ok but we went ahead. Tbh didn't make vast difference but feeding getting easier now.
Get all the RL help you can - helpline, NCT breastfeeding help, health visitor etc. I also started going to breasrfeeding cafe which has been great.
OH is being an arse. I can't believe he wouldn't give her to you to feed. If you do get someone to see make sure he's there to hear them say how important putting baby to boob is.
Good luck - I'm no expert and have found this one of the hardest things I've ever done but like you wanted to persevere.

OP your partner sounds very controlling. Is he like this in other aspectsof your relationship? Withholding your baby from you made me want to rip his fucking arms off. Now dare he?

Firstly, you have had major surgery with complications. This shouldn't be forgotten. The most you should be doing for now is caring for your baby - that in itself is enough of a job.

Get tongue tie sorted pronto - foamy poo is an indication that the shields aren't helping. No pump in the world will be as efficient as emptying a breast as a baby, so I'd dump the expressing. Some new Mums have to express to encourage the supply, but its a chore, so why make things harder for yourself?

It sounds like your DFil has your back so go to his parents. I know it's not ideal, but maybe they want, as well as seeing your baby, to let you relax over christmas? Take a lightweight shawl to practice bf'ing discreetly - in a v short space of time, you wont even feel bashful infront of others - that I promise.

Im still raging about your OH. Had my DH not given me any of my children at this vulnerable a time, I would have had some serious doubts.

yy to the question on anti biotics.
Is this when the foamy poo started?

YANBU, you have to decide what works for you BF'ing & expressing- your partner was very unreasonable in denying you your baby & trying to control you; I find that worrying. I would have been very upset if my DH ever denied passing me my son.

I fed both my sons mainly EBF. My first son was taken and fed formula in the hospital as his blood sugars were very low and not stabilising even after a BF. After that he never wanted on the breast except for comfort, he never drained a breast and I had to express to keep up production and have enough to feed him.

My second son would only latch on one side even when I tried to trick him by using a different hold, he was hysterical on the left breast! So I fed him on the breast as much as possible and expressed after that.

I also had c-sections both times and can relate to how exhausting it is.

My experience on expressing is 1) the night expressing is very important for keeping up production, 2) drinking water, up to 6 litres a day for me, is critical, 3) the Medela swing was the best electric pump (I tested 5 different electric pumps in total for a magazine!), 4) my flow (how fast the milk came out during expressing) was way faster when I was also breast feeding my baby (bf then express)

I expressed 4 months with my first & 6 months with my second. It was tiring and there is an opportunity cost if you keep it up (as you said, you feed, settle, and then need to express), it will keep you from doing other things.

You know what is right for you and your baby. You are doing a great job keeping your daughter fed, you are not unreasonable in deciding how that will be done.

All the best to you.

Don't worry too much about her poo - weight gain and general demeanour is a far more reliable indicator of milk intake

Output / dirty nappies is one of the main indicators of milk intake in newborns -. 6-8 poo nappies in 24 hours.

The OP is right to question the foamy nappy but my recommendation is to do so with a BF professional (GP and HV have minimal training on breastfeeding and key things to look for).

God, these sorts of threads are so upsetting to read.

Your 'D'P sounds awful. No man I know would dream of behaving like this. It's unacceptable. :(

yy to the question on anti biotics
Is this when the foamy poo started?

^ I thought that too loony
Could be a possibility

It sounds like your DFil has your back so go to his parents. I know it's not ideal, but maybe they want, as well as seeing your baby, to let you relax over christmas?

This too. I agree. It isn't ideal but you could use it to your advantage. You need to be honest and clear with DP:
1/ I want to breastfeed
2/ to do no 1, you cannot and will not keep baby from me when I need to bf
3/ I've had a c section. Recovery is up to 6 weeks. I shouldn't be doing anything else other than feeding and taking care of baby.
4/ as my DP, you should be 100% supportive. Can you be? Support means: not making me cry, not keeping my baby from me, going downstairs to get a bottle if I need it, looking after me, looking out for my well being.
5/ support is NOT: Calling me hysterical or withholding our baby from me.

Hugs OP. hope you sort it out

hey...my dd had the foamy poo for a but around two Weeks old. The doc said nothing to worry about...just a sign of baby gut starting to work etc and to remember that it was all new as milk had only just been there ie after colostrum etc. anyway it settled down and she's fine.
Also how do you know she's in pain with poo? Its hard at that age to recognise why they cry...its very unlikely for a breast fed baby to nee constipated...she may be crying for another reason. The first week home dd was crying really badly and we assumed trapped wind and spent hours jiggling and rubbing.now she's 17 Weeks I recognise now that she only gets that upset when she's over tired and needs sleep...which is exactly what we were doing her doing.

With breast feeding you need support. do you know about cluster feeding? basically it feels like the baby is never satisfied...what she's actually doing is building your supply...it can take days of feeding hours at a time...you need to do this of you want to feed her exclusively or even of you want a decent supply.

With regard pumping...I know I've a good supply but I can get hardly anything pumping..possibly an ounce a time and that's if i'm feeding dd from other side. If I try to pump without her I get about ten ml from unused side...your breasts are never fully empty either.

Regards your partner i'm afraid I'd be thinking very carefully about whether someone who deliberately upsets a vulnerable post partum mother is the kind of person who you'd want to raise a child with. certainly no physical wrestling over baby should ever be needed, and he almost drove you to that. Have you any support? Is he usually such a cock?

Take care op...A section takes time and you're on a emotional roller coaster. Get yourself some feeding advice from an expert or group. On the breast feeding topic under food on here there is a fab poster called tiktok who is really an expert and always seems to offer help.

You poor thing. I have a four and a
half month old and the memory of the first few weeks is still vivid. I won't comment on the breast feeding/poo issue as so mant wise comments have already been made. What I will say though is remember that your baby is just two weeks old. It seemed like an eternity to me but to those of the ltb frame of mind, this is a nano second of time where some of the most stressful physically changes have happened for you and emotional changes for both of you. You are ill, stressed and sleep deprived. No wonder you are 'hysterical' . Your OH is stressed and probably tired too. Yeah ok, he's not been through quite what you have and needs to support you but those first few weeks are bloody hard all round. As for a 200 mile journey, I haven't been more than 20 miles since my baba arrived. So give yourself a great big pat

... pat on the back and maybe cut your partner a bit of slack. New borns are hard hard hard (though obviously gorgeous too)

You need to get the tt sorted asap is my only advice.

Foamy poo is just something that happens I reckon. Her gut is brand new and adjusting. The pain could be wind or possibly reflux.

Expressing was nigh on impossible for me but DS could feed straight from me and 'drain me dry', so I'd agree with those who say babies get milk out far better than a pump.

Your OH was not handling it sensitively and you did well not to scream at him. You are at hormone central and he refused to give you the baby, very, very wrong thing to do.

Don't give up, try and talk when you've both slept a bit and explain how he made you feel. DH and I made an agreement not to reference arguments had in the middle of the night with a newborn as sleep deprivation and a new baby can make you say things you don't mean.

La Leche were wonderful when I struggled.

Good luck and congratulations on the baby!

Your oh is behaving unacceptably. I think the main thing you need to do is seek support in dealing with him, as he refuses to listen to you. He also blames you. for getting upset when HE is upsetting you. I would speak to your gp or hv about his behaviour and ask for support. My ex's controlling behaviour got ten times worse once we had children. And once they got older it also became directed at them. You really need to take steps to stop it now. Your fil did support you, but really he should have absolutely insisted that your oh gave you your baby.

Also meant to say unless the nappy is dirty (nit just wet) I wouldn't bother changing in the night. It helps to make night different from day and certainly my 2 wore/wear a nappy for 12 hours each night from day 1 with no ill effects at all.

Obviously if your lo gets nappy rash then ignore this but it might just get you a bit more sleep and mean your baby settles back to sleep quicker after night feeds.

Hi I breastfed I am currently breastfeeding. I found it very easy with my first child, I had cracked nipples with my second! Ouch!

Firstly do not worry about how much comes out of your breast. When baby feeds they will stimulate more milk production if they require it. I know it's really hard but try and get rid of the nipple shields, the hv told me to use them, but they don't help in the long run.

You are still really early days, sit down on the sofa or lay on the bed and relax as you feed. You will find baby will feed and feed and feed some days, they are stimulating more milk production. Use this time to read a book or mumsnet!

My friend went to a private Saturday morning tongue tie session, £100 for the nurse to sort it. If you can afford it look into it.

Try and find a breastfeeding cafe or a breastfeeding group at your sure start centre.

I know lots of people mix feed - but I would stop. Get your milk established first. My babies weight dropped initially - one hv - said do not weigh the baby too often and unless they drop 2 whole lines do not worry. I know it's hard. But trust your body and your baby. (It is thought that we over feed our babies when using a bottle, we encourage them to drink the last little drop). I express milk each morning and it's amazing I get anything from 1 oz to 7 oz out! Most perculiar - but I just freeze it for my return to work! Also are you using a hand pump, I cannot get much out with one. I bought a spectra pump in the end, it's fab. My left gets more out than the right, but baby is far far far more effective then my mechanical contraption! Feed baby from your breast where possible week 2 is very early.

Controversial - but would you consider co sleeping. I have co slept with both my children. Baby is laid there and you do get some sleep. I have told various hv, some were a bit meh, but I explained I am low risk.

Read as much as you can on the subject. Le leche league, kellymom etc. if you can quote studies people tend to not argue!

Your oh is out of order, my dh would love to feed him a bottle, but has never done such a thing. My baby uses my breast for comfort, snuggling to sleep. I guess it's cos he feels warm and safe, recognising my smell. My dh does most of the nappy changing, he uses this time to bond with baby. Instead of just taking off the old one and quickly putting on the new one, he gives baby nappy off time, chats, cuddles, songs, he can take 20 mins at times but after 4 months says it is really important time together. He sees is as very important as he is making baby comfy and dry, which in my eyes is just as important as feeding him. Yes he has been covered in wee numerous times, but just laughs and gets on with it.

The first 6 weeks are the worst. Take your time, put your feet up if poss, and feed on demand. Try not to give up ( a friend of mine did due to family and husband pressure) she is mortified about it now. Cut out the formula as this is the thing that may stop your milk becoming established. Yes baby will wake in the night, mine does, try co sleeping if you are low risk (no smoking either of you, no drinking etc).

Good luck.

He wants you to be able to use breast milk yet he's stopping you from keeping up your surply?

The others have given great bf advice so I would go there other than to agree with binning the nipple shields and bf as much as you can.

But I would surgest you had a chat with woman's aid, his actions are piss poor inexcusable and wrong.

Sorry epic post, but I was there with painful nipples 3.5 months ago!

Forgot to say, this time is very short, it seems like forever but it's not, enjoy this ultra close time with lovely baby snuggled into you. My daughter is a teen and baby time is precious.

Drink plenty of water!

I found breastfeeding harder this time, all babies are different, but four months in all is good. Baby has grown nicely, yes his weight has dipped at times but hey he's fine. I only get him weighed every 4/6 weeks. But breastfeeding is ultra convenient, I can feed him anywhere, no mess no hassle. If he gets upset it's instant comfort!

Fadbook - I meant more don't worry about the foamy poo, new born nappies are pretty funky the first few weeks. Of course wet/dirty nappies are important - my wee one had me up at 4 so I was perhaps lacking in clarity!

The "pained" look when pooing was explained to me as the baby struggling to coordinate the muscles required to poo. They have to try really hard to push it out so even though it's liquidy it can seem like they're struggling. Agree with all the good advice in here.

My dd was tt and they also said because she was feeding "well" it wasn't worth snipping. By "well" they meant gaining weight and they didn't seem interested in how painful it was. Fortunately the neighbouring hospital snip all tt and I was able to get a referral there.

Firsts things first.

Sort out the tt and latch.. ditch the shields. Feed feed feed with no expressing and expect a few (perfectly normal) unsettled nights while your supply catches up and tell your bloke calmly in the light of day that if he ever refuses to give you your baby again you'll be ditching his arse. I would have went completely NUTS if mine did that to me.

Tell him your baby has to feed to get your supply up.. you shouldn't rely too much on expressing in the first 6 weeks.

As for a pp saying there's no foremilk and hindmilk.. erm no that's formula. There is a short thirst quencher before the rich feed comes through.

Yes - my little one has always looked pained when pooing, but she's fine (if she was actually in pain you'd know anyway as she would be crying) so that is totally normal and nothing to worry about.

We've also had all poo colours under the sun and it generally sorts itself out. I worried the first time I saw green foamy poo, but have finally concluded that so long as my little one looks healthy and is gaining weight she's fine. This was after much worry and crying on my huband, my friends with new babies and the doctor.

Take care, there is some good advice here.