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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why bother asking what to buy for Christmas...

40 replies

BerniceBroadside · 22/12/2013 21:27

If you're going to completely ignore it?

Mil has dropped off some presents today. Had a sneaky peek. At the risk of sounding completely ungrateful, she's wasted her cash. Again.

She'd asked for and I'd given several ideas for dc, including things that ranged from a couple of quid to £25, if she just wanted to buy a bigger item. Things like giant tube of smarties, slipper socks, Guess Who etc. Much wanted items.

Instead we have a DVD dc already has ( had suggested several), summer clothing that probably won't fit by the summer and more bubble bath, even though she knows dc can't use most types.

I know I can be a bugger to buy for, as I don't really want much. Suggested I'd be happy with a book token, or some chocolates, as well as a couple of other ideas such as nail polish and fluffy socks. Nothing expensive or hard to source.

I've got a t shirt. A glitzy one. With applicae (sp?) bits. Think bonne marche except that I don't know where it's from so I can't return it. It would look cracking on a pensioners trip to Whitby.

It's not lack of time or money (retired on a decent pension). It's just so wasteful. In fact it's the waste that really, really annoys me as gift receipts are never provided and asking to have one even to swap an item for a bigger size doesn't go down at all well.

Still, at least it's not a teddy bear ornament this year. Or a necklace with someone else's birthstone.

OP posts:

Rissolesfortea · 22/12/2013 21:34

I've got slippers from my MIL. Last years and the years before are still in the wardrobe, unworn.

fryingpantoface · 22/12/2013 21:39

I feel your pain. I hate it when people do this

Freddiefrog · 22/12/2013 21:41

I have this problem with my MiL too.

Every year, around the beginning of August, she starts asking what my children want for Christmas.

I give her loads of suggestions, which she then rejects before asking for another list, ad infinitum.

Every year she then ends up buying something we already have (last year it was a swing set for the garden, the year before a DVD player for their bedroom) and then throws an almighty huff because we dare to already own something

I just wish she'd check first

DameDeepRedBetty · 22/12/2013 21:42

It's applique with an accent on the last 'e' that I don't know how to do on this keyboard...

I fear your MIL may be closely related to my step granny in law. Except SGiL at least has the excuse of being nearly 100 and almost completely blind.

SeaDevilscanPlay · 22/12/2013 21:43

My Mum does this every year.

She asks me what the children would like (we dont buy adult pressies) and I tell her something from the list. Every year she buys something else. Its not that I really care, because I have got used to not letting her get something the DC's really want because it never happens, its that she is wasting her money.

Original poster

BerniceBroadside · 22/12/2013 21:45

Ah, appliqué, thank you, I couldn't for the life of me work it out.

OP posts:

SeaDevilscanPlay · 22/12/2013 21:45

and then throws an almighty huff because we dare to already own something

Mum does this too. She also gets in a big old huff if the children dont want to play with it.

She got DS1 the do-nutters game once. He has terrible co-ordination (Dyspraxia) and got upset with the game. She dared to mutter 'That was a waste of money then'. I gave her a death stare.

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 22/12/2013 21:46

I have this problem with my own mother! The women just wastes her money as she's too stubburn to listen after asking the question... "Would DS like a duvet set for his 5th birthday?" Nope you have already bought him 3 which he still has upstairs in his bedroom...
X

Purplehonesty · 22/12/2013 21:47

You could swap the clothes and the DVD before Christmas? Most shops will swap without a receipt and get something more suitable.
I too would hate this, my mum and mil ask and then buy the exact thing I suggest. I tend to email them links so its easy for them and they love it. They always buy other stuff too which means they get to enjoy choosing presents for the kids but the main one is always spot on.
As you say, what a waste of her money.

timidviper · 22/12/2013 21:47

My ILs make a huge palaver each year of asking what we want then give us an envelope with a cheque in. Obviously that is better than something we don't want but SIL and I try asking for the easiest possible things, like M&S or other gift vouchers for stores we know they go to, but they still do the cheque even after asking

SeaDevilscanPlay · 22/12/2013 21:48

If she has asked me once, she has asked me 15 times if DS1 would like the Hunger Games books. 15 times we have answered no thanks.

I think she thinks if she keeps asking we might say yes just for the hell of it.

raisah · 22/12/2013 21:51

Time to have an honest conversation with her, how would she respond if you took the 'waste of cash angle'? That's what concerns you the most, thr fact that she is wasting her cash. For next year, could you offer to buy it on her behalf or take her shopping to help her choose?

Original poster

BerniceBroadside · 22/12/2013 21:52

I don't know where the clothes are from, or I would.

The DVD isn't in a sealed pack, is anywhere likely to exchange it?

OP posts:

Original poster

BerniceBroadside · 22/12/2013 21:54

Raisah, I've sent her amazon wish lists before now, to make it as easy as possible. I think she just likes to do it her way. Gah, I might make oh do it.

OP posts:

BaaHumbug · 22/12/2013 21:59

Perhaps you need to use a little reverse psychology - so when she asks say any DVD except ... because the DC already have those (obviously give a list of DVDs that they don't have).

JoInScotland · 22/12/2013 22:00

I wish SIL would ask me what I would like, or what DS might like. She has not, ever. So she buys things for me that she likes, but I hate. I have cold hands in the winter, and hate 3/4 length sleeves or fingerless gloves. Last Christmas I got a set of fingerless gloves. DS has a stick-pony and got a stick-dinosaur... who needs two stick-animals? I could go on.

Every year, I ask what her sons are into, what colours they like, ask what her to measure them.. I have made homemade costumes, etc, etc. I know think that the do not like homemade gifts. We'll stick with store-bought stuff from now on. BUT we will ask what they like and would want!

FreeWee · 22/12/2013 22:02

My MIL does this. It is so wasteful. We've just picked up a pile of presents for me, DH and DD (9 months). I know there are presents in those piles I didn't specify which means she'll have bought something totally unnecessary which DD will already have or which she will never wear except when Nana comes round She'll have bought me things which are more suitable for a pensioner and she'll have bought tat for DH which he may have shown a passing interest in 15 years ago. I regift or charity shop donate except where she'll know we've got rid of it. Then it makes necessary appearances. YANBU. Why can't they just listen?? I know it's nice to surprise people but not with something they already have or really doesn't suit them.

HamletsSister · 22/12/2013 22:02

Is she re gifting? Or buying from charity shops? That happens a lot round these parts.

FandangoLaLaLaLaLaLaLaaaa · 22/12/2013 22:02

MiL has form for this too. She asked what to get DS and agreed to get a play tent. Opened it and it's a big Toot Toot garage. For Christmas SiL has reported that MiL has bought him a massive ride on despite knowing he already has 2.

DP requested aftershave and that she please not get him an "experience voucher" as he's not keen. So DP is now the proud owner of a voucher for a bungee jump and one for a microlight flight.

I got the DVD boxset of The Tudors, which pissed DP off no end as he specifically asked her not to get it me as we'd watched them all that month.

This year we're not telling what not to buy as she then goes out and does the opposite.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 22/12/2013 22:06

Maybe she enjoys buying them, just say thank you. You can always wear the t shirt as a pyjama top.

WidowWadman · 22/12/2013 22:15

Jo "who needs two stick-animals?"

If you ask my youngest you can never have enough stick animals.

starofbethlehemfishmummy · 22/12/2013 22:31

My mil asks for suggestions for ds. She asks dh what he would like. She gets some of these things and a load of assorted crap. She has chatted to me aboit shopping for things that her nieces husband has asked for, or her other dil's friends kids.

In all of this there is someone who is never asked...

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 22/12/2013 22:33

That's a bit odd Fandango, are you sure she didn't mishear you? Or get muddled up? It's bizarre that the thing she bought you is the exact thing you said to her.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 22/12/2013 22:38

It's lovely that ppl buy presents for outer dcs
But why ask what to get and the ignore it?
It's thoughtless and wasteful.
All that shit to store at home.

CMOTDibbler · 22/12/2013 22:44

MIL has form for buying 'nearly but not quite' what you wanted. So DH (50'" chest, 6'3) asked for a Lands End big and tall mens shirt, she buys an M&S normal length shirt in L. I wanted some nice black gloves to go with my work coat, I got beige fleece.

Fortunately, she can cope with an Amazon wish list, so that has helped immensely as we both felt really bad about the waste of money involved.

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