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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be mad at the In Laws?

45 replies

rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 16:41

Dear All,

I really need advice as I do not know if I am being unreasonable or if my in laws are being unfair to me! ...

On Friday evening my in laws came over for a coffee and a chat, my husband wasn't there as he was at work. My mother in law seemed really quiet and not like her normal self. I asked what they had planned for the evening and who was cooking ... they said they would probably get a take away and didn't mention any other plans.

Anyway, It turned out that they actually had a planned family get together that evening at their house ( I found out through a relatives facebook status). My Mother in Laws sister was there who they hardly see as she lives abroad ... I have never met her. I don't think that I am that upset about not being invited, I think I am more upset that they didn't say they had planned a family meeting when I asked what their plans were for that evening.

Do you think that I am being unreasonable to be upset that I was invited or told about this gathering? I actually feel as though they have been extremely sly. We are usually very close and it's not something that they would usually keep a secret / not invite me and my son to.

I am also a bit miffed as their family members went who live on the other side of the city to which we live. If I had at least known that they had planned a get together I could have sent their Christmas presents to save us a journey from having to drop the presents off at their houses.

When my in laws found out that I know that they all met up they just said that they had a great time and that they hardly get together as a family. This makes me think that they do not see me as family. What do you think?!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/12/2013 16:44

You haven't mentioned your DH in all of this...or did he actually go and not tell you? Confused

HaroldTheGoat · 22/12/2013 16:45

Yeah I'd be miffed.

Weird not saying, as if they knew that it was weird not to.

Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 16:46

No, my DH was working so didn't know about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 16:47

I also think it's weird that they didn't say. I think the could have least told me, even if they didn't invite me. It's not something that they would have usually kept a secret, especially as my MIL doesn't usually see her sister.

OP posts:
Hawkmoth · 22/12/2013 16:48

What's most insulting is that they felt they had to lie to you. What did they think you would do if you knew about it?

Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 16:49

If they had told me and didn't invite me then I wouldn't be so pissed off. It's the secrecy that has annoyed me. I am 8months pregnant so it would have done me a huge favour had they had said they had all planned to meet up - I could have given the families x mas presents to the in laws to give out.

OP posts:
invicta · 22/12/2013 16:50

Maybe they felt a bit awkward at not inviting you, or thought you may have known. If you anything like my dh, he forgets to tell me what his parents are up to.

Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 16:50

If I had known about it and not been invited I honestly wouldn't care. I would have been happy to hand the presents over and I would have thought thank god I don't have to go!! ... As I said, it's the secrets that have annoyed me.

OP posts:
Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 16:52

If they thought that I had known then I am sure that my MIL would have been saying how happy she was to be seeing her sister.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 22/12/2013 16:53

Is your DH annoyed/upset at not seeing his aunt?

YANBU though, it's a bit strange if there's genuinely not a reason you can think of for them not to invite you.

Vivacia · 22/12/2013 16:57

I couldn't get worked up about this.

Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 16:59

I haven't had chance to speak to my DH yet as he works away and won't be back until Christmas eve. I know that he would have wanted to see his aunt but even if he had known there is no possible way he could have got time off work.

I honestly can not think of one reason why they wouldn't invite me - it's making me paranoid lol.

OP posts:
springlamb · 22/12/2013 17:05

I think I would be extremely hurt and upset. And I would tell my mil that I felt those two things.
Your mil says it's not often they all get together as a family. They didn't - your dh and his son were not invited.
Why wasn't it mentioned to your dh even if he then couldn't go, and why weren't you then given the option of taking your Ds to meet his great aunt? What was so hard about saying 'unfortunately Mrrubyslippers can't get out of work but luckily ruby slippers is going to bring the little one to meet you'.
Odd.

Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 17:10

Springlamb - you have summed it up completely. The great aunt has never met our son so it would have been nice for her to do so. As for saying it was a family get together, that in my mind is like saying that my son and I are not their family. In the 14 years that I have known them they have never made me feel like this so I don't know why they have done this now. We are usually so close, we see each other every weekend, go on holiday together etc.

OP posts:
Onesleeptillwembley · 22/12/2013 17:19

Who were the other rellies that went? If it was cousins, ie the children of the MIL's sister then I can understand the get together, and the not inviting you. I can also understand her saying family, meaning that branch of the family. The odd thing would be the lie.

gertrudetrain · 22/12/2013 17:19

Are you the same OP who was on here a while back asking if your pil were unreasonable for bringing and cooking their own lunch to your house almost daily?

Sorry if you are not!

Nanny0gg · 22/12/2013 17:19

It's very odd and I would have to talk to them about it.

Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 17:28

gertrudetrain - No I have never been on here to complain about my in laws before - there are usually no complaints with them.

The other relatives = My in Laws, Mother in laws sister and her husband. Father in laws brother, father in laws sister, her son and her sons girlfriend.

OP posts:
Jengnr · 22/12/2013 17:41

Two things would upset me there. 1. It seems like they came round to make sure you wouldn't go there. That's not good. 2. Saying you're not family.

I'd be very upset if my in laws didn't see me as family. Very upset indeed.

I think you or your husband need to say something.

haveyourselfashandy · 22/12/2013 17:56

I would be upset and things like this really annoy me.I think you should step back for a while and let them know how upset you are.They did a shitty thing,did they realise how upset you were not to be invited?

fluffyraggies · 22/12/2013 18:15

Would you have been able to travel easily OP? They knew it would just be you (8 mp) and DS, were they thinking of your health?

StanleyLambchop · 22/12/2013 18:17

It does seem like a strange bunch of oddly connected rellies from both sides were invited- so why not you & DS? I would be a little hurt that they had not included their Grandson in this. Can you approach them about it, if you say you are usually close?

Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 18:21

fluffyraggies - they only live around the corner from us.

I think I will approach them about it but will wait until after Christmas.

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 22/12/2013 18:25

Call them up and ask how the takeaway was.

Original poster
rubyslippers7788 · 22/12/2013 18:28

lol funky - now there's a plan!

OP posts:
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