To be a bit pissed off with DH

[frasierfanatic]

We're going away tomorrow for a few days. I've spent the past two days doing washing, packing, wrapping presents etc, ready for us to go, as per usual whenever we go somewhere.

DH spent most of the morning faffing around, going on the laptop and not really doing anything to help get things ready for us to go. When he finally decided to get his arse into gear at around 2pm he started trying to delegate things to me as if I'd done nothing all day. Kind of 'I'll do you a deal, Frasierfanatic, you do the dishwasher and tidy the kitchen and I'll clean the car out ready for tomorrow'

I told him that no, I'm doing other things and certainly haven't been sitting around on my bum all day, and if he wants the kitchen cleaned now he can jolly well do it himself. He's now in a bad mood with me.

He always does this; it's as if he can just sit around and have as much leisure time as he wants, but when he decides to do something I've got to chip in too. Grrrrr

Is this a man thing? Because DP does this as well and it really fucks me off! YANBU just get on with things in your own time/way!

My dh does this too, it winds me up so much

It's not a man thing. No such thing as a man thing.

It's a person who is a dick thing. Is a dick, not has a dick.

However, do you ask for help? Or just quietly fume?

Because that's also a dick thing. No one can read your mind, after all.

What GodRestTEEMerryGenTEEmen said so perfectly.

No it's not a man thing...it's a martyr thing imo.

Read your first paragraph back to yourself OP

That is where the problem lies.

Are we married to the same person? DH does this too. Also another thing is that when he does a job, he can't possibly do it on his own, either DS or I have to be roped in to help, even if it's a one person job, then afterwards we have to be told about the job having been done.

Having said that he is generally helpful and lovely. Most of the time.

Grrr.

Say, 'ah, it's handover time now, I'm ready for a sit down, so you carry on'.

or, what TEE said.

Say, 'ah, it's handover time now, I'm ready for a sit down, so you carry on'.

or, what TEE said.

Why don't you ask for help? Seriously. I don't get this. I know so many people (mostly women) who do everything before their partners even have a chance to help, and then whine that they don't get any support/help with anything.

If I want DP to clean the litter tray/do the dishes/vacuum/put away laundry, I just ask. He's not a mind-reader. Just as he asks me to start dinner/clean up/whatever if he needs or wants help. Not everyone sees mess the same way, and what drives one person crazy doesn't necessarily bother someone else.

Eg. I HATE it when the carpet looks messy. So when I notice it, I vacuum. DP doesn't care, but hates it when the bathroom is a state, so he cleans it. Neither of us sits and fumes because the other person hasn't done something they weren't asked to do in the first place.

My hubby does it too, or at least he'll spend ages in bed or on the loo and then shoot me looks when I'm relaxing and he's racing round trying to get stuff finished.

I'm much happier doing the things I need to get fulsome finished before I relax, hubby prefers to get an easy start in and then gets stressy while I smile sweetly at him. It used to wind me up, now I find it funny and leave him to his own mess

I cleaned the bathroom,kitchen and hoovered along side the normal feed wash and clothe my dd 3/4 times and cleaned cat litter and fed the cat too while my dp sat in bed all day because he has a little cold .
I asked him to take the recycle rubbish out and the normal rubbish bin to the street, it took him all day to do it and even then couldn't use common sense and needed instructions ,he then grudgingly done the dishes (not all of them some had to steep) after dinner then back to the bed.
I woke up at 2am with bad pms cramps and have had them all day with no help from paracetamol and i didn't just lie around.

Asking doesn't always work. screams into pillow cushion

DP is similar. I do what I have to do..then when it comes to him doing things he always tries to get me to help him. eg: I'd have just cooked a nice dinner and done half the dishes...he asks me to help him do the rest of the dishes.

Mine does this & it drives me stabby. The faffing extends to the day we're actually going anywhere which makes us late

Agree with the roping in of other people to help too - usually after I've gone to bed & he's allowed the cats to escape from the utility room & swarm round the house. There are two cats - it isn't that hard to round them up.

It's not a "man thing"

It's a lazy twat thing

Stop being a martyr, for god's sake

Why would you live with/marry someone who didn't help out when asked? I assume all these men hold down responsible jobs and help out at work, and are capable of organising nights out with their friends. I also assume that if you're away, they're capable of making sure they're fed and have clean shirts etc. for work.

So why do it all for them? They can do it themselves, they just know that if they don't, you'll do it anyway!

I agree with Tee.

If there are a bunch of jobs that need to be done, so many that they need starting two days before, why don't the two of you discuss that beforehand and divide them up? The you can choose when and how to do your half of the jobs.

As it is, you see it that he has been doing as he pleases while you work hard to get things ready.

He sees that he has been left with all the remaining jobs with no choice over which jobs he does (and has little visibility over how much the total was).

If you discuss, you can ensure that you both do a fair amount of jobs, both get a fair amount of time to do as you please, and both get some say over which half of the jobs you do.

DP used to do sometimes still does this. He was told in no uncertain terms 'I have enough jobs of my own to do, don't give me jobs'.

My XH was like this, probably still is! Oh well, not my problem now

Speak up people. Use your voices. Talk to your other half/husband/partner/girlfriend/lover/suck face partner.

Keep speaking up if asking once doesn't work.

Better yet, let whatever it is sit. And when X happens, tell them it's because they didn't do Y.

Sometimes I think I have the only grown up partner on the fucking internet.

tee, you don't. There are lots of grown up men out there. It's just that we are not all singling on the internet about them.

singing

Yes, I know that logically. It still seems that way. A lot.

I know.

There is another thread going right now where shit behaviour is being minimised into something rather "funny"

I have to admit to losing my SOH straight off, right there

My DH really does my head in by demanding praise when he does eventually get round to doing something. Today he went shopping and got me, his Dad and one of his brothers some presents. I then went straight out to the supermarket to do the remaining food shop for Christmas Day. When I got back DH was all puffed up and proud and immediately wanted to show me the presents that he had wrapped, all four of them. I pointed out that I have been wrapping presents for the last 3 nights and did he want to see my handiwork to. Of course he didn't.