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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Christmas is NOT just about the kids!

49 replies

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 22/12/2013 09:29

Run up to Christmas, I see so many people.saying about how children should get their own way on Christmas day, adults shouldn't exchange gifts etc etc. because 'it's just about the kids'

This makes me more than a little angry.

Why is Christmas just for the kids? I appreciate in some families the decision is taken to hold back a bit on gifts for financial reasons which seems hugely sensible. However, it often seems to be that, rather than getting everyone fewer present, the adults go without. Also, the wishes of some family members seem to be.completely ignored if it doesn't match with exactly what the children want.

I love Christmas. I love being with my family and that's great but lets be honest, some adults have a huge amount of stress to deal with and it's quite nice to have one day when people sit down together and just exchange a gift, however small. Children waking up to find some bloke's broken into the house and left them presents Wink vs an adult receiving a small but thoughtful gift from a friend or family member - why can't they all enjoy that pleasure?

Christmas is for EVERYONE! AIBU?

OP posts:
CoffeeBucks · 22/12/2013 09:31

YANBU, I love Christmas. Always have.

justtoomessy · 22/12/2013 09:32

Well I am going to have christmas dinner round my friends today and all the kids. This day is rather more for the grown ups to let their hair down while the kids run riot so I don't think YABU. However, on christmas day it will be about the kids and grandparents.

WaitingForMe · 22/12/2013 09:39

YANBU. Mine are all fairly young but I took my DSSs shopping to buy gifts for their mum and DH which they paid me back for out of their pocket money. They then wrapped and wrote tags themselves.

They have contributed to the Christmas food by being responsible for choosing a recipe and cutting out biscuits which they'll ice. It's minor stuff but they appreciate that everyone has to chip in. Today they're tidying the playroom and turning it into the spare bedroom.

I have lots of treats for adults. DH has bought a board game for the adults which is being opened once the kids are in bed and everyone who wakes up at my house gets a stocking (DB and SIL have only two gifts each in theirs but everyone needs a satsuma!).

It'll be a normal day in terms of the kids stacking the dishwasher, not leaving the table until everyone has finished eating etc.

PicaK · 22/12/2013 09:41

Totally with you. Xmas is a time to celebrate loved ones old and young. Never forgot the year when our infertility treatment wasn't working and in laws family just went on and on about how xmas is for children and it doesn't mean anything without children etc. Made us wish we hadn't bothered with the 250 mile journey.

SiL insists only kids get presents - so if you don't have any that means you buy for her kids but she doesn't buy for you. She's lovely in many ways but this rule makes me a bit stabby!

fuzzpig · 22/12/2013 09:42

YANBU, there's no way DH and I would stop exchanging presents since having DCs! It's a rare opportunity to spoil each other - not in an expensive way but by giving well chosen gifts that show how well we know each other.

Also DCs really enjoy choosing presents for mummy and daddy, they get just as excited about seeing us open the gifts they've chosen as about seeing what Santa/we have given them.

fuzzpig · 22/12/2013 09:43

Pica, how horribly insensitive of your ILs. Angry

KirstyJC · 22/12/2013 09:44

We are only doing kids presents this year again as we are skint, but will be seeing family, eating too much and watching crap TV. That's what Xmas is about for me as an adult. I do love Xmas but it's about the break from normality that I enjoy.

ScarletLady02 · 22/12/2013 09:47

YANBU...we could only afford a little something for each other this year but we do like to treat each other and do something for ourselves. My Christmas tradition is to have a massive cheese and cracker session late at night while the crappy Christmas telly is on. For me it's less about presents and more about good food and quality time.

As kids we always had magical Christmases. We didn't have lots of money but my Mum always went that extra mile to make things special for us as a family. I want to continue that and I get just as much joy out of it as my DD does...if not more.

IceNoSlice · 22/12/2013 09:47

YANBU Christmas is for everyone. Presents aside, the days should be about making sure everyone gets their feelings taken into account too. For us this means some of the grown ups head of for a cheeky one at the pub before Christmas dinner, washing up is done by my dad (doesn't cook) etc.

Joysmum · 22/12/2013 09:50

Christmas is about celebrating the family but our family priority is in giving the children the magical Christmas we had as kids.

YABU to assume giving kids a magical Christmas and tailoring predominantly to that is all money led. That's not a magical Christmas, that's a commercial Christmas. The more money I have, the more I'll spend on the details, like dressing the table etc but we won't go stupid with gift giving.

My daughter told Santa she wanted all the family to be together as her Christmas wish, she had to be prompted about what physical gift she might want she wants a rabbit which is never going to happen but at least she'll have a fab family Christmas!

worley · 22/12/2013 09:52

As children my parents only brought for the children and nieces and nephews due to finances. They never brought for each other. Now I'm older and with my own dc I'm fortunate to be in a good job where I can afford to treat them to something special on Xmas day to let them know how much I appreciate them.

Philoslothy · 22/12/2013 09:52

Christmas is for everyone , however DH and I don 't swap presents. . Not really for financial reasons but because it just doesn't interest us. Christmas is not all or even mainly about presents and therefore a lack of presents for adults does not mean that adults are not involved.

Sleepthief · 22/12/2013 09:53

I LOVE Christmas - the lights, the trees, a day when even my DH switches his phone and his work brain off, spending time with people I love, the build-up, the excitement of the kids, the only day of the year when it's acceptable to get stuck into the bubbly stuff before breakfast Grin. But I honestly and truly couldn't give a sparkly, tinsel-wrapped shit about presents for me! I'm nearly 40 and if there is something I want or need, I buy it - and I find adults getting annoyed/upset about presents completely and utterly Hmm. For me, the present-giving bit if Christmas really is just about the kids...

TheArmadillo · 22/12/2013 09:53

All of friends and a lot of our family have no children. In fact we have the only children under 18.

I think this attitude of it all being about the children is horrible. It should be a celebration for all who want it to be. Though I think the sentiment is more noticeable on here than in RL. But then there is also this attitude towards birthdays being just for children for some people on here as well.

I think the attitude from some is based on them having children and being all encompassed in them and their needs and is at best insensitive and at worst completely self absorbed. I also think those who don't do presents tend to have enough income to get what they want when they want and don't take into account that not everyone is in this position.

I don't go overboard at Christmas, but like to have a day to give a thoughtful something to those I love and spend time with them regardless of their age.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 22/12/2013 09:57

YANBU, Christmas is for everybody. Plenty of people don't have kids, should we not be celebrating Christmas then?

Christmas is exciting now we have DS but DH and I still buy each other presents too! It's about the three of us.

Snowdown · 22/12/2013 10:02

Of course Christmas is for everyone but we all get different things out of it. The dcs enjoy presents, family time, pantomimes and advent chocolate, dh and I enjoy more frequent glasses of alcohol, nights at the pub with our friends, family time and excellent food.
The presents are not a big part of our adult Christmas, we aren't skint, but there is little we want or need because we just buy it.
For us the joy of opening a gift on Christmas morning does not compensate for the misery of traipsing around the shops buying masses of presents, if I had my way I'd ban gift giving in our family, but the dcs are still keen, so we'll go along with it until they get past that stage and start just wanting cash. But the Christmas that we adults love - food, drink and family will continue.

maddening · 22/12/2013 10:03

But the dc are part of the grown ups' fun - it is the excitement of planning the big surprise and special day - since having a dc Christmas has changed totally for me - it is so fun with a small dc! So my Christmas is all about my dc (have still done adult presents so no one forgotten) from mpov.

Birdo83 · 22/12/2013 10:03

YANBU. Christmas is for everyone in our household. The kids Christmas will be more magical anyway if the adults are having a wonderful time and being delighted by thoughtful presents too. Everyone should be happy and catered for.

I feel very sad for adults who've lost all their childlike spirit and can't appreciate the magic of Christmas. Angry:

maddening · 22/12/2013 10:09

Ps each person's Christmas is just that - theirs - but since lots of families have dc in - with extended families such as parents, GPs, gc, cousins etc the family generally gets enjoyment from making it special for the dc so it's not surprising that this is a general view of Christmas.

But have plenty of adult friends with no dc and noy much family and they often do a big friends Christmas - all meeting at a friends house having dinner, going to the pub and back to someone else's for drinks - and have done this myself - it's fun just different to my life as it is now :)

marmaladeandguitars · 22/12/2013 10:11

YANBU. Christmas is for the whole family. Children have birthdays where it is all about them.

Philoslothy · 22/12/2013 10:16

I don't know anyone who thinks it is just about children. Just like this thread

pixiepotter · 22/12/2013 10:17

No Christmas is about Christians celebrating the birth od christ

Rufustherednosedreindeer · 22/12/2013 10:17

YANBU

My tree is up in November, almost every room in the house is decorated, we have masses of food we like in the house, we are watching every Christmas movie we can get our hands on, I have seen 4 different versions of a Christmas carol,

I love and adore Christmas, it's all about the prep for me but we have a lovely family day on Christmas Day and it's PJ day on Boxing Day

We just don't do presents for my husband and I, not for lack of money just because we don't want to at the moment

NoComet · 22/12/2013 10:20

YANBU
I can understand in families where all the siblings have DCs and there are loads of cousins why adults might say children's presents only.

But most families have someone without children or grandparents who are very generous, they deserve something too.

I think the whole issue needs to be handled sensitively.

In our house we wouldn't contemplate no adult gifts as DSIS has never married and my parents would never think of not getting a gift for DSIS and me.

DH only has his DSIS, her DH and two DCs, so his list is easy.

Mrswellyboot · 22/12/2013 10:23

Of course it's for everyone.
Pika I can't believe they did can't. How awful!
Most adults I know celebrate some part of it without children, ie. Christmas parties etc, while grocery shopping they get adult treats etc

Of course the children make it special but no way is it just that. I think it is a nice time if year to make contact with friends, thank people who have been good to you etc.

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