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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think Christmas is NOT just about the kids!

49 replies

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 22/12/2013 09:29

Run up to Christmas, I see so many people.saying about how children should get their own way on Christmas day, adults shouldn't exchange gifts etc etc. because 'it's just about the kids'

This makes me more than a little angry.

Why is Christmas just for the kids? I appreciate in some families the decision is taken to hold back a bit on gifts for financial reasons which seems hugely sensible. However, it often seems to be that, rather than getting everyone fewer present, the adults go without. Also, the wishes of some family members seem to be.completely ignored if it doesn't match with exactly what the children want.

I love Christmas. I love being with my family and that's great but lets be honest, some adults have a huge amount of stress to deal with and it's quite nice to have one day when people sit down together and just exchange a gift, however small. Children waking up to find some bloke's broken into the house and left them presents vs an adult receiving a small but thoughtful gift from a friend or family member - why can't they all enjoy that pleasure?

Christmas is for EVERYONE! AIBU?

OP posts:

AnnabelleLee · 22/12/2013 10:36

"No Christmas is about Christians celebrating the birth od christ"

Stop trying to hog Christmas! It really really isn' about that for the majority of people. christmas is about whatever the fuck you want it to be about. If one family wants it to be all about the kids,thats fine. If another wants it to be about boozing/eating/partying, thats fine too.

Jinsei · 22/12/2013 10:48

I couldn't give two hoots about presents for me, though I do always get nice gifts for my parents and DSis/BIL. Token gifts only for DH as he isn't really bothered.

I reslly like getting together with family at Christmas, and I thoroughly enjoy all the food and wine etc. I also enjoy traditions such as sibling carols, putting up the Christmas tree etc. But for me, the greatest pleasure really does come from making sure that dd and DNephew have a magical Christmas, and that's absolutely my top priority.

In a way, I think this is because it's only through the children that I can re-live my own happy memories of magical Christmases as a kid. It just isn't the same as an adult. For me, it really is about the children. Fortunately my whole family feel the same.

NurseRoscoe · 22/12/2013 10:57

I agree with you to some extent. Our Christmas Day will be all about playing with our children until they go to bed then it will be me and DF having a few drinks together and watching the soaps we have recorded lol. As for presents we buy for each other and for my parents, my brother and his sister. That's it for adults. We both work full time and have two children under 3 years old so don't have time finding 'small and thoughtful gifts' for our massive massive family. We make sure we phone and wish them merry Christmas if we can't visit though (lots live over 200 miles away, we don't drive and my DF works Xmas Eve and goes back day after Boxing Day) Christmas isn't about gifts!! I think that's where 'it's for the kids' stands with us, we get the kids lots of presents to keep up the Santa thing but adults don't need masses of gifts in order to enjoy the day I don't think, they all get gifts on their birthdays and can go and buy themselves things if there is anything they really need

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 11:02

YANU what are these people going to do when their kids are not little anymore not celebrate Christmas how bah humbug. MY children are not small anymore Santa still comes to our house

hootloop · 22/12/2013 11:04

There are presents for everyone in the house of hoot. Even the cat has some wrapped up.
Christmas is for everyone and it wouldn't feel like Christmas without passing on the gift that has been going between me and my siblings for years.

thegreylady · 22/12/2013 11:57

Christmas is for everyone and for me the biggest pleasure will be being with dgc. Just watching them all (aged 4 to 16) will be my greatest gift :)

thegreylady · 22/12/2013 12:00

For wider extended family we buy for adults until they have dc then we buy for dc :)
We are old now so everyone tends to give us something small and lovely :)

JuneauWhoIAm · 22/12/2013 12:08

OP I think you're confusing Christmas with presents.

Christmas is about enjoying each others company, not who gets what.
IMO, the gifts are for the children because adults usually have enough. The pleasure comes form being around people and switching off from work/school etc.

But if you want to make it all about who gets the best stuff well, that's up to you.

manchestermummy · 22/12/2013 12:41

YANBU. Christmas is about my MIL and SIL

juneybean · 22/12/2013 12:44

There are no children in our family yet so I guess we shouldn't celebrate...

Freddiefrog · 22/12/2013 12:48

Christmas for us is mainly geared around the children

Left to our own devices DH and I would probably sleep until lunchtime and then spend the day stuffing ourselves with nice food, drinking silly quantities of alcohol while lounging around watching films.

We do the stuff we do because of the children - we visit Father Christmas, we go shopping for the children to choose a new Christmas tree decoration each, make cookies and decorations, get up at the crack of dawn and eat chocolate for breakfast on Christmas Day.

It's fun and we enjoy it but it's definately not my choice, it is all about the children

Birdsgottafly · 22/12/2013 12:59

"No Christmas is about Christians celebrating the birth od christ"

Which us why I celebrate the Winter festival, which was what it was, before Christians forced everyone to give up their beliefs or be tortured to death.

When my older teen DD's ask me what I want, my answer is " for the both of you to keep your mouths shut and not rise to any digs that you normally throw at each other".
I am getting an Elemis set, I probably won't get the former.

I agree OP that you are confusing celebrating with gift giving. When it starts to go down the route of handing wider family members equivalent value gift vouchers, it's time to stop.

I hated having to exchange gifts with my exP family, it took all my disposable income and I got nothing back that I really wanted, I don't do luxury bath products/candles.

I enjoy meeting up with people, I have agreed to forget gift giving with my friends and we all make time to go out for a meal, which some couldn't afford if they were buying presents. We all have a good night out without any pressure.

I used to exchange gifts with my DH and celebrate Valentines, Easter Day etc.

Snowdown · 22/12/2013 17:44

I agree, gifts seem very important to the OP's idea of Christmas. As an adult I find it's harder to feel that anticipation, kids hoping for that toy they've always wanted, as an adult you just go out and buy it, you don't have to wait on someone else to buy it for you and when they do buy you something it's often not the one you want.
Who cares what other people do, make gifts the focus of Christmas for everyone if you like but don't expect other people to feel the same way. We got rid of adult gifts years ago, but my dsis had a hairy fit when I suggested that we stopped buying gifts for the 20 nieces and nephews - I have no idea what they have, what they like...they all live overseas and I see them once every 3 years, the whole thing just felt so ridiculous. We agreed to a secret Santa thing.

The less gift orientated my Christmas is the more I enjoy it.

Original poster

lastnightIwenttoManderley · 22/12/2013 19:23

Evening all, apologies, should have clarified that this is more an observation of what I've seen on MN and that the presents seems to be the easiest example of the 'Christmas is just for the kids' mantra.

Completely agree that if you barely know someone then it's utterly daft to feel obliged to buy them a present. I hate the idea of presents for the sake of presents. If you want to get someone a thoughtful gift then great but if not then you shouldn't feel you have to.

Personally, all I would like for Christmas is to have my family around me but sadly this isn't possible.

OP posts:

DalmationDots · 22/12/2013 20:35

Christmas is about family. But it is immensely exciting for children and IMO important to let them have lots of fun.
We managed this but still had turn taking to open presents, adults opening presents, no presents until lunch prepared (except stockings) etc.
We needed some rules as knowing DC they would otherwise open everything by 5am and then all fun would be gone for them.

DC are now 21 and 23. Christmas is still lovely, a lot more peaceful and less magical, but nice. We always say how we wish there were young children in our extended family as I think it is them who make Christmas magical and so special. But we will enjoy our child free Christmases for another 10 years or so!

HermioneWeasley · 22/12/2013 20:37

I have always loved Christmas, but it is even more special for children. IMO their needs should come first (eg: not be expected to wait until after lunch to open presents because that's when X grown up family member is coming round)

Philoslothy · 22/12/2013 20:55

My children have always waited until after dinner for their presents, usually about 4pm. They are not hard done by, always lots to do in the day to keep them busy.

Freddiefrog · 22/12/2013 21:11

We've always done main presents in the afternoon too

In the morning with have Father Christmas stockings who usually brings bits and pieces and some sort of game or puzzle to keep them occupied while we cook lunch.

We then to the main stuff after lunch.

We've always done it that way and they've never known any different and I like that it spreads it all out over the day and it's done all done and dusted in a 20 minute present-fest at 6am

Sharaluck · 22/12/2013 21:17

Yes Xmas is for everyone. Santa is for kids.

Mimishimi · 22/12/2013 21:26

Christmas is very much a continuation and syncretisation of former pagan traditions - winter solstice ?

MrsDavidBowie · 22/12/2013 21:35

Birthdays are more special to me in terms of adult gifts...Dh and I buy each other something for Christmas (no surprises though) and do a cracker too which is something up to the value of £20.

The dcs buy us each a small gift, but other than that I get no more presents.

We have a very quirky Christmas compared to a lot of families.....but it's our Christmas and we love it!

blackandwhiteandredallover · 22/12/2013 21:36

I honeatly don't expect to get a single present under the tree! But I will stuff myself silly with stilton and chocolate and gin

For me the best present is seeing the kids happy and I am genuinely excited about watching them open their presents. It's also about being altogether as a family and quality time together.

chillykitty · 22/12/2013 21:56

I hv two dds aged 5 and 8
To me they r the most important at Christmas
They r getting so excited already counting down the days to Christmas Day
We hv bought them lots of pressies each can't wAit till they open them seeing there happy face
I am not bothered about whether I get anything

IamChristmas · 22/12/2013 22:45

I am an adult and I love getting presents! I think YANBU, there is no age restriction on Christmas enjoyment.

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