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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is outrageous?

44 replies

macdoodle · 21/12/2013 21:59

My DD1 is 12 in Yr 7. She is gorgeous and looks and acts much older than she is.
She is a boy magnet, but pretty sensible. She has just come in to show me some messages.
Tonight, the latest boy who has a crush on her, has messaged her (about 8pm), to ask her to come over. Her reply ???, he says "to sleep over", she replies "omds (oh my days) noooo". He replies "lol, I have an empty house". She says "my mum would kill me".
He is also 12, in Yr 8.
Am shocked by this. Do people really leave 12yr olds alone overnight?? His parents are apparantly away for the weekend.
And asking a 12yr old girl to sleep over . WTF, there surely cannot be any parent who would allow this.

OP posts:

phantomnamechanger · 21/12/2013 22:02

there's nowt so strange as folks......his parents must be very naïve

at least your DD sounds sensible, in thinking its a bad idea AND in telling/showing you. Long may it continue!

RevoltInParadise · 21/12/2013 22:02

Yanbu. I would be shocked by that too!

Jinsei · 21/12/2013 22:04

He might just be trying to impress your dd - let's face it, he knows she isn't going to come round really, doesn't he?

Not quite sure why it's relevant that your dd is a "boy magnet", though. She's 12.

RedLondonBus · 21/12/2013 22:05

Lol at boy magnet, she's just a 12 year old girl! Honestly, some people

Original poster

macdoodle · 21/12/2013 22:06

I thought it relevant in as much as she gets a lot of "attention" from boys much to my dismay, and may be why he thought is acceptable to ask. But feel free to ignore that part if you wish

OP posts:

fifi669 · 21/12/2013 22:10

Any 12 year old boy is going to try it on.... (Then in all likelihood do nothing!)

It is shocking however that he's been left on his own. I wouldn't be surprised if he's actually scared....

AgentZigzag · 21/12/2013 22:15

Are all 12 year old boys likely to try it on?

Not sure about the boy magnet bit either.

I would keep a close eye on their messages, don't be waiting for her to show you.

Do you normally read what/who she's messaging?

Does she know you do it?

What websites does she have accounts on? Facebook, twitter etc.

Original poster

macdoodle · 21/12/2013 22:18

I don't read all her messages, but she shows me a fair few. I have her FB and instagram passwords, and check it regularly. She is pretty sensible so far luckily.
Again, the boy magnet comment was to give some context, but hey.

OP posts:

LadyBeagleEyes · 21/12/2013 22:21

My ds wouldn't have tried that on at 12, even to a 'boy magnet '( I can't believe you called her that, she's 12)
The likely scenario is he's at home with a couple of mates egging him on while his parents are sitting downstairs watching Strictly.

dementedma · 21/12/2013 22:22

Any 12 year old boy will try it on?????

My 12 year old ds would die of embarrassment at the thought of asking a girl over. Assuming I could get him off his Xbox long enough to even consider it

DoJo · 21/12/2013 22:22

His parents may have left him in the charge of an older sibling or just have gone out for the evening - you can't really take the word of a 12 year old boy as to what is happening if they are trying to impress a girl.

Jinsei · 21/12/2013 22:23

But the context being what, exactly? I don't really get why it makes a difference. In what way does she act older than she actually is?

AgentZigzag · 21/12/2013 22:23

I wasn't having a go or anything about the boy magnet bit, it's just wouldn't cross my mind to describe 13 YO DD like that.

I know she's bloody gorgeous but I don't want to think too deeply about that kind of shit yet it's difficult to get your head round them growing up so much.

Although she is 'seeing' a nice lad from down the road, but it bloody better be is all innocent from what I can tell.

Original poster

macdoodle · 21/12/2013 22:25

Oh now I remember why I stay away from MN for so long. You honestly cannot discuss anything without some form of attack or put downs. Ho hum.

OP posts:

LadyBeagleEyes · 21/12/2013 22:30

Surely just opinions on your post Macdoodle. What did you want us to say?

Jinsei · 21/12/2013 22:31

I'm not attacking or putting you down, but your description of your dd made me feel a bit uncomfortable, tbh. I just wondered why her appearance was significant inthis situation. Sorry if my questions have offended.

I would be disturbed if my dd received a text like that at the age of 12, so yanbu to be shocked.

fifi669 · 21/12/2013 22:32

As I said they'd try it on..... Then do nowt!

NurseRoscoe · 21/12/2013 22:33

To some other posters, year 7 and 8 is the age most kids start showing an interest in the opposite sex, it's not really that strange to describe a 12 year old as a boy magnet, would be different if she was 8 years old or something obviously.

To the OP, it's outrageous if it is true. Like someone else said he's probably doing it to get a reaction from mates and isn't actually alone. However if it is true, it could be something to worry about on his part..your dd sounds really sensible so as long as she is aware of things like contraception I wouldn't worry too much about her.

AgentZigzag · 21/12/2013 22:34

I know some lasses get up to stuff with lads when they're 12 odd, but it just seems as though you've sexualised her by acknowledging it in the way you describe her.

I can't speak for other posters, but I don't mean what I've said in a shitty way, fucking hell, it's difficult enough when they're 12, just getting through the day intact is a result sometimes

NewtRipley · 21/12/2013 22:36

macdoodle

We don't know you, we can only go by what you say. Some of us think that the way you've worded things is unusual.

Anyway, back to the OP. If he is alone overnight that is, IMO, not right. But he could be telling porkies and trying it on. Bit young for that, IME.

quesadilla · 21/12/2013 22:37

It happens... when I was 14 a friend, who was the same age as I and had a 12 year-old sister, was left home alone for nearly two weeks when her mum (who was completely mad) went off to South America over New Year to go after some man.

The friend held the biggest and most destructive house party I have been to in my entire life. The police got involved, all sorts of shit went down. People were still talking about the party decades later. But even at the time I remember thinking that leaving two kids of 12 and 14 on their own in a house for 2 weeks was seriously irresponsible.

Friend is now a heroin addict.

Just saying...

AgentZigzag · 21/12/2013 22:37

Even though I don't believe all 12 YO lads would try it on, I would be concerned that he didn't ramp it up into pressurising your DD into doing something she's not comfortable with, like photos or something.

It can happen like the frog in hot water, bit cheeky and outrageous to begin with then get round to egging your DD on to do whatever.

dementedma · 21/12/2013 22:44

Frog in hot water???

Mattissy · 21/12/2013 22:46

Not all 12 yo boys would try it on, how bloody ridiculous. A small minority would but most are far too interested I'm sports, music etc etc.

NewtRipley · 21/12/2013 22:51

Macdoodle

It's really good that your DD showed you the message. She obviously trusts you and was feeling uncomfortable about this. I would try not to get too angry about the boy in front of her though but reinforce the fact she did the right thing.

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