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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this is outrageous?

44 replies

macdoodle · 21/12/2013 21:59

My DD1 is 12 in Yr 7. She is gorgeous and looks and acts much older than she is.
She is a boy magnet, but pretty sensible. She has just come in to show me some messages.
Tonight, the latest boy who has a crush on her, has messaged her (about 8pm), to ask her to come over. Her reply ???, he says "to sleep over", she replies "omds (oh my days) noooo". He replies "lol, I have an empty house". She says "my mum would kill me".
He is also 12, in Yr 8.
Am shocked by this. Do people really leave 12yr olds alone overnight?? His parents are apparantly away for the weekend.
And asking a 12yr old girl to sleep over Shock. WTF, there surely cannot be any parent who would allow this.

OP posts:
RunRunRuby · 21/12/2013 22:59

My dad found an email from a boy along the same lines, 'I'm horny, I wish you were here' or something, when I was around the same age Blush it was all just a bit of fun. I expect that's the same for your DD and this boy. They're just exploring things they don't fully understand. I doubt he's home alone either, just part of the charade. Just make sure your DD is fully aware of Internet safety, being able to say no to anything she feels uncomfortable about, knows how to block a number if someone is hassling her, and absolutely counsel her on never sending any compromising pictures of herself. It's good she trusts you enough to show you :)

AgentZigzag · 21/12/2013 22:59

When the frog notices if they're chucked in boiling water, but if you gradually bring it to the boil, they don't.

He could start off asking for things he/she knows she's not going to do, but then goes on to more 'reasonable' things that seem relatively OK in comparison to the outrageous suggestions and she's more likely to go along with.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 21/12/2013 22:59

Isn't she legally too young for Facebook? I thought you had to be 14. Or do all kids do it nowadays?

Greenfircone · 21/12/2013 23:01

What's wrong with calling your dd a boy magnet to explain that she gets attention from the opposite sex? You can't write anything on mumsnet these days without a snippy reply from someone.

AgentZigzag · 21/12/2013 23:03

Unfortunately Ruby though, making sure they know about internet safety, even if they can discuss it sensibly, doesn't mean jack shit when they're actually online.

With my DD it's like she didn't make the connection between the two or couldn't apply the theory to the practice.

Which took us by surprise a bit.

It's important to 'see' what they're up to with people online the same as you would in real life, and that means reading it.

They're only children after all.

MadAsFish · 21/12/2013 23:06

What's wrong with calling your dd a boy magnet to explain that she gets attention from the opposite sex? You can't write anything on mumsnet these days without a snippy reply from someone.

Totally agree. A strange thing to get caught up with.

Terrortree · 21/12/2013 23:23

I would attempt to contact the boy's parents to forward them his message. If they don't take it seriously, I would contact social services.

At 12, most boys would not be targeting a girl for a sleepover.

WaitMonkey · 21/12/2013 23:31

I think it's outrageous to describe a 12 year old as a "boy magnet", especially if the person doing the describing is a parent. Shock

Preciousbane · 21/12/2013 23:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrswellyboot · 21/12/2013 23:40

I wouldn't worry about the way you worded it, I am shocked at the 12 year old looking for a sleepover that didn't sound very innocent!! I was 18 before I was thinking that way..

Times have changed. I think you just have to keed doing what your doing and maintain your openness.

Bowlersarm · 21/12/2013 23:52

A) it is very unlikely a 12 year old has been left by himself for a weekend

But

B) my 13 year old DS3 is a 'babe' magnet. He gets an enormous amount f attention from females of all ages. I suppose if a child is particularly good looking, the subject of sex comes up sooner rather than later.

Anyoneforacheckup · 22/12/2013 00:04

Have ds , 12 in yr 7
Whole thing sounds completely unrealistic and unlikely

I think if this is true, you need to have a chat with her about toning it all down...boy magnet just sounds ridiculous too...you make her seem very precocious

Cluffyflump · 22/12/2013 00:17

Yes.
Talk to her about toning it down... Maybe a burka?

Head. Desk.

NollaigShona2013 · 22/12/2013 00:25

All classes have a boy magnet. Dont understand why op being told off. Boys are attracted to girls and vv. Its not saying 'she's asking for it'.

Macdoodle. I would try to tell my daughter not to be afraid to say "no chance buddy!" Or something like that.Maybe point out that she had steered around just saying "eh? No". Ask her if she thinks sh's not entitled to just give a flat no.
Not sure she'd listen mind u.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/12/2013 00:26

Re leaving a 12 year old alone overnight, that depends on the child surely?

Doubt he's been left at home for the entire weekend alone. There's at least an older sibling present if the parents aren't.

He's a cocky thing though! I wouldn't like the implications of that message from him, even if it is clear it will come to absolutely nothing.

In your shoes, I'd forearm your daughter with the ability to say no and not feel the need to explain why she's saying it. If she's a very pretty girl, as she gets older she might unfortunately be on the receiving end of pushy men.

No, because - no, is something all people, but particularly women should feel comfortable saying in flirting/dating situations.

AgentZigzag · 22/12/2013 01:07

It's nothing to do with covering them up with a burka so they're invisible Cluffy, it's about telling them outright that heels/short skirt/fake tan/false nails/done completely up to the nines is an inappropriate way to dress to go down the park meeting their mates because of their age.

And like Alis says, it's about helping them protect themselves by talking about what some adults get up to in real life to give them a bit of confidence, perspective and knowledge of possible warning signs.

Some things you can only learn by experience, but I'd be doing DD a disservice if I didn't let on that the world's not all rainbows and soft puppies.

Hogwash · 22/12/2013 01:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eminybob · 22/12/2013 05:53

I am Confused at why the term boy magnet is being criticised. When I read the op to me it meant that she's a pretty girl who the boys swarm around. Nothing sexual about it. Some people Hmm

SummerRain · 22/12/2013 07:19

I was a boy magnet at that age, looked a lot older than I was and got a lot of unwanted attention from me, often adult males. It's a good thing the op isn't naive as it can be scary at that age getting that sort of attention when your not emotionally capable of dealing with it.

I didn't do anything with a boy til I was 15, despite, or maybe because of, my early maturing. So I wouldn't panic too much op.

It's great shes shown you the messages as she obviously feels uncomfortable with the content and trusts you not to blame her.

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