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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thanks for the lie in

33 replies

Shamoy · 21/12/2013 08:45

This gives me the rage.
Dh never gets up with the kids unless I make it very very clear the night before, remind him several times and also spell it out that getting up with the kids involves changing a nappy and getting them breakfast, not just putting the tv on and going back to sleep on th sofa.
Due to this, most weekends I just get up with them and make sure he gets up too.
I've had a sleepless week with poorly kids and just generally being busy. Last night was up twice with one child, woken at 6 by another child up for the day. At 7ish I ask dh to take awake child downstairs. He does, slowly, but puts tv on and comes back upstairs and gets back into bed and back to sleep instantly.
I then have to either wake him up, have a row about him not doing it 'properly' and tell him to change nappy etx, get breakfast, actually supervise them or just get up and do it myself.
Today I just got up and did it myself.
When he wakes up he will walk in with a big smile and a cheerful 'good morning, thanks for the lie in!' And it gives me the rage.
I did not give him a lie in, he forced it upon me. Grrrrrrr
I'll tell him that and he will say sorry I didn't realise blah blah blah then I will explain very clearly what needs to be done (again) and remind him several times then I might get to have a lie in tomorrow. My once every few weeks lie in ... Yippee (sarcastic)

OP posts:
tshirtsuntan · 21/12/2013 08:49

A well placed (Accidental) kick In the willy?… not really, feel your pain though, the same happens here.

mistlethrush · 21/12/2013 08:49

I feel your pain. I was up with the dog at 3.20 for 10mins in the garden (she needs a bag over a bandage on her foot and supervision so she doesn't run around) And it was me that got up and repeated it all at 7.20 and got breakfast for DS. DH is still in bed.

RandomMess · 21/12/2013 08:52

Perhaps you should just allocate one day per week when you get a lie in every week so it is part of his routine?

MiaowTheCat · 21/12/2013 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PumpkinPie2013 · 21/12/2013 08:55

YANBU - you both deserve a lie in/break at some point so should take it in turns.

You should speak to him again when you're both fully awake and explain (again) that he needs to do his share and allow you to have a lie in one day while he can have a lie in another day. Agree with him what this actually involves.

He is being unfair expecting you to do it all the time.

TheOneWithTheHair · 21/12/2013 08:58

Well dh is still in bed. He won't get up unless I make him. I want to take dd to her piano lesson without dragging ds2 with me which means I will have to wake him. It drives me bonkers!

I can't remember the last time I had a lie in. He now says I don't need one as dd is off school for Christmas and I can get woken by them at 7 instead of getting up at 6. He considers this my lie in.

mistlethrush · 21/12/2013 08:58

I once kicked DH out of bed on a day that was 'pre-agreed' lie in for me and his turn with DS... DS started crying (at my parents house). I nudged DH and told him. DH didn't do anything. I pushed and he fell out of bed... It did get DS seen to fairly promptly without me having to do it Wink

mistlethrush · 21/12/2013 08:59

When does he normally get up?

WigWearer · 21/12/2013 09:01

I suspect you will all turn on me for saying this and come out with a million excuses for your lazy, selfish partners....but I can't stop myself.

Why the fuck do you put up with this shit?

Fairylea · 21/12/2013 09:03

How old is the child he's leaving downstairs with the TV on?? I'm assuming quite young as you say he hasn't changed their nappy??

I'd be absolutely livid!

thankfeckitschrismas · 21/12/2013 09:06

Tape a list to the tv. Hide the remote. Refuse to wake up. Even if you are not sleeping you can rest.

RandomMess · 21/12/2013 09:12

What WigWearers says tbh.

I very rarely could sleep in, I'd be wide awake and very very rarely I'd ask dh to get up. It took him a while to understand/realise that I asked him rarely but he did get there in the end!

I am now training the dc to not the cat upstairs and ignore her crying whilst I'm still in bed otherwise she comes and harrasses me. Every now and then she either makes a mad dash and sneaks upstairs or they are worn down by the pathetic "woe is me" look that she has and the crying Grin

Original poster
Shamoy · 21/12/2013 09:14

Child with nappy on is 2. Other two are older and can get their own breakfast.
Dh will sleep till lunch time probably if not woken. He stays up late every night through choice and is always knackered in the mornings so could sleep for hours if left.

OP posts:
livinginawinterwonderland · 21/12/2013 09:15

I'll never understand why people put up with this. These men are perfectly capable of waking up to go to work or to see their mates, but conveniently sleep through babies crying/toddlers screaming at the weekends. They stay in bed because they know you'll get sick of trying to wake them and get up yourself.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 21/12/2013 09:15

We usually share weekend lie ins (though i do usually have to nag a little bit for him to actually get up and bring kids downstairs, whilst I do it automatically on his days) but today has seen me storm downstairs in a massive rage whilst he is still up there in bed, having practically begged him to let me have a lie in. I should add that I'm 40 weeks pregnant, up for a wee every 1.5-2 hours in the night, and have a stinking cold. Sometimes I wonder why the fuck I put up with this shit.

Original poster
Shamoy · 21/12/2013 09:16

Children are used to me doing most things for them (am sahm) so even if dh gets up and is asleep on the sofa near them they will come up and ask me things especially the youngest.
I cannot sleep or even rest properly when I know they are not being looked after properly downstairs

OP posts:
Fairylea · 21/12/2013 09:19

I wouldn't be able to sleep either knowing my 2 year old was downstairs unsupervised (save for two older siblings).

Your dh is being an absolute arse.

Original poster
Shamoy · 21/12/2013 09:19

I don't know why I put up with it. This and the bloody mess he makes and expects me to clean up.
Seems the only other option though is to leave and it's just too extreme for such a small thing in the grand scheme of things.
Can just imagine telling people I am leaving a 10 year marriage with 3 kids because dh gets more lie ins than me!

OP posts:
WigWearer · 21/12/2013 09:20

So what are you going to do about it, OP?

He's got three children. Staying up so late every night that he can't get up in the morning is frankly contemptible.

WigWearer · 21/12/2013 09:23

It's not just the lie-ins though, is it?

It's the all round general crapness, and the way he clearly demonstrates his lack of interest in you/his DC. The way he prioritises his own needs and comfort.

You cannot have any respect or affection for him, surely?

MinesAPintOfTea · 21/12/2013 09:38

Next yule i'm ranting that dh has left his pannier in the (tiny) hall when its me that will fall over it I'll remember this thread. Because I can't imagine having one child with a manchild who doesn't do his fair share of the wakings and mornings I shouldn't marry myself. Its a matter of working together for everyone's good.

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 21/12/2013 09:39

It is more about a complete lack of respect.

You need to have a chat. Just tell him if he wants the family unit to stay together then he needs to take an active roll in it.

toomuchicecream · 21/12/2013 09:41

At the very least you could take the quilt away from him. And perhaps open the bedroom windows wide? When the cold wakes him you could innocently explain you were washing the bedding and airing the room. If it doesn't work you could follow up by hoovering the bedroom - there's so much to do you can't possibly wait until he wakes up...

Fairylea · 21/12/2013 09:45

As others have said it isn't the lie ins, it's the lack of respect.

I never ever have a lie in. This is because dh doesn't finish work till 10pm so to ask him to get up with the dc, youngest of whom still wakes at 6 am, is unfair when I am a sahm and can go to bed whenever I like as both dc sleep through from about 6.30. (I don't go to bed at 6.30!)

However, dh is very grateful to me for all that I do, as I am to him and we share all household and childcare tasks between us equally once we are both up and about for the day. I never have to tell him what needs doing or whatever, he is an equal parent.

I'd love a lie in but maybe I'll have to wait till the dc are grown up!

Having said that when I say dh gets a lie in I mean till about 8 ish as that's when I bring him a tea and give him and nudge after being on my own with the dc since 6 am. He gets up, we swap over and I get to go and have a nice shower and do my make up etc.

Your dh doesn't seem to respect or appreciate you.

RandomMess · 21/12/2013 09:47

I wouldn't put up with this at all - staying up late every night and then getting up til midday at weekends Confused.