Another Christmas and pregnant one.....

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

OK....I'm preparing to be told AIBU here.....

I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and have a nearly 13 month old DS. As a bit if background, I have suffered from very severe pregnancy related insomnia for the last 4 months or so and am averaging about 4 hours broken sleep per night

DS has previously been a dream sleeper but both he and I have just caught very bad colds. I feel like shit so presume he does too. In addition, he has just cut three teeth in the last week. He has therefore been a screamy nightmare - very difficult to settle and up in the night etc. wants to be picked up and held all day - he's over 30lbs. I've hardly had time to eat or even have a drink. I'm knackered all day but can't sleep at night and spend most if it in the bath.

In addition, I currently have the painter in decorating and have been moving things in and out if bedrooms, moving DS' bedroom etc. so I've not really been resting during the day.

In short, I feel totaly physically done. I tend to just get on with things but in the last few days particularly, I've also been very teary and I'm feeling very tired and vulnerable. I just want to be left alone basically

We do turn about at parents (although this will probably be the last year) and it is my parents' shot this year. We intend to go to them on 24 December and leave on 27. As far as they can, the visit has been geared round what will suit me and what help they can give. I'm going to my old childhood home so I feel safe there and I'm looking forward to going a

I have had various problems with MIL which I've asked fir help with here and got good advice. The long and short of it is that superficially we get on but, at the moment, MIL is not someone I feel comfortable round and the thought of going into labour there is absolutely horrific.

We are due to go and see the PILs on the way home and I thought that DH and I agreed that we would stay one night, go and visits both sets of his grandparents and head home in 28 December. As I've explained on previous threads, MIL has a diuficyit relationship with her own mother and has a step brother who is treated as the prodigal,son. The one trump card that MIL does have is our DS and the production of him to her mother etc. Her step brother's children love DS too so that's another tick with them there

Due to the rather strained relationship, MIL and her family (including DH) are treated very much as second class citizens which means they have to fit in absolutely around her mother and step brother. A example being that when I was 32 weeks pregnant with DS, we went to visit her mother and weren't offered any food. So we had nothing to eat for over 11 hours and I actually nearly fainted due to low blood suger. DH is now on the ball with this and will say that we need food etc now but the whole thing is really awkward

Anyway.......DH's sister came to visit yesterday and said that MIL's stepbrother and family are coming to visit from London on 27 Decemember for 4 days. Step-brother now wants to go to a country house in the middle of no where for lunch. We will be under big pressure to go it this - even though no cognisance will be given to DS' nap times or when he might need lunch etc. I know that not everything should be run round our DS but we won't even be told when the lunch is planned for etc so we can decide when it feed DS etc. instead, we'll need to turn up and just wait for step-brother to deign to turn up etc. if DS carries on in this firm, he is likely to be very grumpy and screamy too nd DH and I will be sitting there praying for the time to pass until we can give the next calpol dose. Again, the thought of going into labour in those circumstances I just horrific too.

From hearing DH speak to his sister, it now seems that he is planning two nights at the PILs etc.

I actually just can't face this at all and I really just want to go to my parents' if I'm fit and then come back home. I just can't actually handle all of this at the moment

I know I'm being unfair and hormonal but it's just the way I'm feeling.

Even though I'm being unfair, AIBU given the circumstances? I probably am but I just feel totally overwhelmed and want to cry thinking about all of this

YANBU It's not what you need at the best of times but with a teething 13 month old and just about to drop, don't go.

You sound really stressed out and in need of a break.

Wow I'd be crying too. Put yourself and your family first. Decide what you want to do, and do it.

I'd give precisely jackshit about anyone else's wishes, you need a break woman!

go home to your mum, let them take over a bit - you need to rest up before baby arrives.

if your in-laws are causing you extra stress you have my permission to avoid them (and I have a great relationship with mine, so this doesn't come from an angry POV!)

you need to be selfish right now - if people don't get why it's not worth trying to explain it ATM.

I suggest you take your hospital bag with you - if you get a chance to relax I wouldn't be surprised if you went into labour.

hth, I'm sorry you're having a tough time.
(hug)

You're 37 weeks pregnant. You're growing a person. I think you're perfectly entitled to be "selfish".

Personally I'd tell DH that if he wants to go you're totally find with that, if he wants to or doesn't want to take DS that's fine too, but you simply can't deal with that over Christmas.

He should know (or he's totally dense or you're hiding it) that you're feeling off lately. That you're emotional and vulnerable and should understand and take the flack (do the telling of his family). As long as he comes I'm sure they won't care too much.

Oh God - you're all being so nice to me I'm going to bloody cry

DH isn't the most sympathetic person going and he's also knackered from work I do all night wake ups though

He does a lot with DS but if I say um feeling tired or my back is sore I'm on co codamol his response is "You're not the only one"

The insomnia is the worst though and is actually making me feel mildly depressed. DH is obviously not suffering from insomnia so at least he's getting sleep

I know from having DS that the unsimnia disappears immediately afte birth and you're then left with a huge sleep deficit, desperate to sleep but with a new born - ghastly

bless you, don't cry!

ok, I didn't want to do this, but to cheer you up here goes:
I'm 10 weeks+ pg with #7, feeling constantly nauseous.
I've lost half a stone because I can't eat.
I also have the runs, a rotten cold and can't sleep.
DD is teething and has a chest infection and she and I are sleeping on the sofa because DS5 has a throat infection and keeps waking up so he is in our bed with DH.

as of today he's home for 2 weeks but so are the kids, the house is a fucking tip, we have a cot literally filled up with clean clothes that need putting away...

shall I carry on or you are laughing already?

honestly, days turn into weeks and months when you feel it's never going to end and it's hopeless, but it's not.
you'll be ok, you'll cope, I promise you!

you just need a little being looked after, nap in the day if you can, eat well, drink your water and if you are still down after baby's born see your GP.

and for teething try Anbesol (liquid) or Dentinox teething gel.

YANBU. Don't go. Say you've had rumblings so things may kick off. Maybe they will and you won't be telling porkies. If they don't, say it was a false alarm.

Just read about dh - you need to tell him to get his finger out. You're massively pregnant and not sleeping. You will be doing the night wakings, I presume, with a tiny newborn soon. He needs to be taking over and a: doing the wakings with ds, and b: letting you lie in/nap. You need your energy for labour.

Selfish arse. My dh pulled that, too. He got told in no uncertain terms to fuck off from about 6 weeks pregnant with dd - hypermesis and no sleep, wasn't fit to function.

Hello fellow insomniac!

He does a lot with DS but if I say um feeling tired or my back is sore I'm on co codamol his response is "You're not the only one"

I'm 39 weeks at the minute I haven't been sleeping either.

It's about 3.30am at the minute and I've just got up again with heartburn and back pain. I really feel for you!

DH is currently on the sofa fast asleep - he volunteered to give me more room. If DD wakes he will go and sort her out...and he has been at work all day. Again, his idea.

I think you can afford to be a bit, or a lot more demanding at the minute you're not getting a proper rest at all!

The only plans we've had the past couple of weeks have been doing as much or as little as I feel comfortable with and playing it by ear.

I know what you mean about who you feel happy being in labour around too. I wouldn't feel at ease with my In-laws around and definitely wouldn't be making arrangements to stay with them at all at the moment.

Tell your husband how poorly this is all making you. You don't have to be demanding as in stomping around sulking but just be truthful and start putting yourself first more.

You shouldn't have to ask for consideration but it sounds like you do really need to spell things out for him. If others don't understand well don't worry your health is more important!

Hope any of this post is coherent as I'm still somewhere between asleep and awake :)

Still awake. I've decided that DH can go to his parents for Christmas if he wants. I'll go to mine with DS. DH can come if he wants.

If he comes with me, he can thn go to his parents with DS after he's taken me home. I don't really wan to be without DS, particularly as he is only settling with me but his distress won't matter to MIL. More important that DS is there - screaming and ill or not - to be shown off.

Frankly, if I could cancel Christmas I would. I'm really not sure if u'll make it to my parents with DS to be honest. I really don't feel that I can inflict DS' screaming (it's not crying, it's hysterical screaming) on other people. I think the cold is actually bothering him more than the teething at the moment as he can't have his bottle or suck on his muslin as his nose is so badly blocked.

I just feel totally helpless and not up to fighting my corner at all so thi h to be the best solution. If io into labour when DH is away I'd actually rather just give birth on my own - less hassle. I'm signed up with one2one midwives so I'll have lots of support etc

I actually just want to be left totally alone so DS and DH going off might work out for the best.

Hope you are OP, I agree with other posters who say that you need to take care if yourself and wz

Oops posted too soon... Look after yourself and calmly explain to DH that you really need more support and a bloody good rest. Don't go to PIL if you feel uncomfortable with it and your DH should understand that it's not fair on your DS either if he is unwell. Be firm! Sending you to make you feel better

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable plan to me!

As for his "me too" comments to your back hurting... tell him to put on a leotard, then plonk some watermelons down there and tell him to wear it for even just a weekend... ALLLLlllll weekend while chasing around DS (and eating something like cabbage so he's gassy, fibre so he's constipated.... you get the idea) and see how he feels...

Some people really just don't get it (I've read stuff that could curl toes :S)

Your idea sounds good. I would want to be left alone as well I think. Stand your ground and try and get some rest and TLC at your parent's house. Let DH sort out what he wants to do with DS and leave them to it. Best of luck.

My DS2 was due in mid january but actually arrived on boxing day 6 years ago and I remember the sheer exhaustion I felt at this time.

To be honest I'd just go to your parents and skip the in-laws totally - explain to your DH just how exhausted you are and that you need to get some rest before you have your baby which could be any day at all.

As an aside, DS2 spent a week in NICU and I'd have hated being hours away from home.

Yanbu at all. I wonder if your instinct to be left alone and feeling so teary is your instinct that the baby is coming?

Just make a plan that suits you, inform your dh and stick to it. How is your ds with your parents? Will they be able to settle him/distract him and allow you some time to relax?

Tbh Id go to.your DPs as planned, then on the morning of the 27th id tell a porky and say youve been having mild contractions so have had to go.home.

Message them.again on the 28th to say false alarm, but ypu need to stay put as MWs say this is the start of it.

I think you sound like your body is telling you labour is imminent so if you go take your bits with you.

I think you should do what you want. Yanbu in any way and dh needs a kick up bum. If you go I second 'contractions' on 27th.

YANBU
Your IL's plans are very inconsiderate to both you and your poor little DS.
Take him to your DP's and when you go home snuggle him.
I would definitely be considering timely contractions.
Good luck.

I see you've already figured something out, but I just wanted to add to the voices saying YANBU at all.

I'm really an advocate for pregnant women doing whatever the hell they want. Feeling like crap and trying to please everybody else will definitely not make someone feel better!

Apologise for not going, acknowledge their efforts to make it easier for you, thank them, then blame it on the pregnancy.

It might actually be a VERY good idea to let DH take DS to the in-laws without you: what better way to give him an idea of what you've been doing.

TheREALGobbolino, how far you have come! Now that DC2 is imminent, look after yourself. I think you are right to let DH go to inlaws without you, he will be able to manage DS for a couple of nights and, hard as it is to hear, DS will manage a couple of nights, even if he is poorly and does scream for 48 hours, because you NEED to rest up before labour, birth and taking care of a newborn.

You will be much better able to care for DS if you are rested, calm and relaxed. Forget everyone else.

Good luck, hope baby is here with you soon

I hear you on the unsymphathetic husband thing. I had a comfortable pregnancy but friends were shocked to hear I was sleeping on the laminate floor if my eldest and sorting out night wakes when I was 7 months pregnant - husband just didn't see pregnancy as a thing at all.

I think a good plan is go to your mums then send him and ds to your in laws. I know you say he is only settling for you but I think that he will actually be no worse for his daddy. It also might wake your husband up to the fact that he is going to need to be much more involved with your eldest when the baby arrives.

I really wouldn't worry about the screaming at your parents. More adult hands to push him around the block will be great. Also they will want to help you - just make sure you ask for help.

I hope you get a bit of a relax over the break. Deffo take notes/hospital bag etc with you! (And if you want to stay home do, but personally I would find that more stressful!)

op - randomly, you must be close to me. I was with one2one for my dd, who will be 1 a week tomorrow! Katie was my named midwife. Aaah. Lovely, squishy newborn thoughts.

I think your plan is a good one. Spend it with your folks and your ds, and tell unsympathetic dh to fuck off.

Also - get your midwife on board. I talked my fears though with mine (my mum was trying to push for me to travel home for Christmas - 260 miles!), and it was good to be able to have an official 'midwife says that's not a good idea'.

People listen to what professionals tell them, even when you've told them the same thing.

So, 'midwife, my husband doesn't believe I need x,y and z, and his family want me to go to this place, and it's stressing me out. Do you agree he should stop being a knob and I shouldn't go to the place with his family?'

Midwife - 'YES'

at "I say um feeling tired or my back is sore I'm on co codamol his response is "You're not the only one""

Do you not say "Yes actually I AM the only one who is nine months pregnant you stupid selfish ARSE!"

I love all the ideas about the contractions and also using "the midwife says x/y/z"

That's good thinking!

These are short term ways to get you through to the birth etc... without collapsing from exhaustion but I can't help thinking your husband is going to need to change his attitude for the longer term too....

Once the baby is here surely he'll have to be doing a lot more especially as your eldest is still so little?!

As I say DH currently gets up for DD. She's 2 and doesn't wake often now but if I'm up with a newborn it makes sense that she gets used to seeing DH at night before the new baby arrives so she doesn't suddenly feel put out if I'm up breastfeeding and daddy appears instead. Better to be used to him first.

If your husband has a few nights with the baby now that might not be a bad idea.

I'm a bit annoyed on your behalf that he's been getting a lovely full nights sleep every night while you deal with insomnia, plus if you do manage to nod off you have to get up for baby as well :(