Another Christmas and pregnant one.....

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

OK....I'm preparing to be told AIBU here.....

I'm currently 37 weeks pregnant and have a nearly 13 month old DS. As a bit if background, I have suffered from very severe pregnancy related insomnia for the last 4 months or so and am averaging about 4 hours broken sleep per night

DS has previously been a dream sleeper but both he and I have just caught very bad colds. I feel like shit so presume he does too. In addition, he has just cut three teeth in the last week. He has therefore been a screamy nightmare - very difficult to settle and up in the night etc. wants to be picked up and held all day - he's over 30lbs. I've hardly had time to eat or even have a drink. I'm knackered all day but can't sleep at night and spend most if it in the bath.

In addition, I currently have the painter in decorating and have been moving things in and out if bedrooms, moving DS' bedroom etc. so I've not really been resting during the day.

In short, I feel totaly physically done. I tend to just get on with things but in the last few days particularly, I've also been very teary and I'm feeling very tired and vulnerable. I just want to be left alone basically

We do turn about at parents (although this will probably be the last year) and it is my parents' shot this year. We intend to go to them on 24 December and leave on 27. As far as they can, the visit has been geared round what will suit me and what help they can give. I'm going to my old childhood home so I feel safe there and I'm looking forward to going a

I have had various problems with MIL which I've asked fir help with here and got good advice. The long and short of it is that superficially we get on but, at the moment, MIL is not someone I feel comfortable round and the thought of going into labour there is absolutely horrific.

We are due to go and see the PILs on the way home and I thought that DH and I agreed that we would stay one night, go and visits both sets of his grandparents and head home in 28 December. As I've explained on previous threads, MIL has a diuficyit relationship with her own mother and has a step brother who is treated as the prodigal,son. The one trump card that MIL does have is our DS and the production of him to her mother etc. Her step brother's children love DS too so that's another tick with them there

Due to the rather strained relationship, MIL and her family (including DH) are treated very much as second class citizens which means they have to fit in absolutely around her mother and step brother. A example being that when I was 32 weeks pregnant with DS, we went to visit her mother and weren't offered any food. So we had nothing to eat for over 11 hours and I actually nearly fainted due to low blood suger. DH is now on the ball with this and will say that we need food etc now but the whole thing is really awkward

Anyway.......DH's sister came to visit yesterday and said that MIL's stepbrother and family are coming to visit from London on 27 Decemember for 4 days. Step-brother now wants to go to a country house in the middle of no where for lunch. We will be under big pressure to go it this - even though no cognisance will be given to DS' nap times or when he might need lunch etc. I know that not everything should be run round our DS but we won't even be told when the lunch is planned for etc so we can decide when it feed DS etc. instead, we'll need to turn up and just wait for step-brother to deign to turn up etc. if DS carries on in this firm, he is likely to be very grumpy and screamy too nd DH and I will be sitting there praying for the time to pass until we can give the next calpol dose. Again, the thought of going into labour in those circumstances I just horrific too.

From hearing DH speak to his sister, it now seems that he is planning two nights at the PILs etc.

I actually just can't face this at all and I really just want to go to my parents' if I'm fit and then come back home. I just can't actually handle all of this at the moment

I know I'm being unfair and hormonal but it's just the way I'm feeling.

Even though I'm being unfair, AIBU given the circumstances? I probably am but I just feel totally overwhelmed and want to cry thinking about all of this

Good morning Gobb, yadnbu!

Go to your parents and enjoy the holidays but don't feel obliged to visit your dh's family. Their set up sounds complicated disfunctional and I completely understand why you think you can't take it right now, I couldn't and wouldnt want to at 37 weeks pregannt either.

Seriously, you are all adults and no one can force you to go. You and your dc are not some token to be passed around to make mil feel better about her weird family dynamics, i wouldnt stand for it! Speak to your dh and come up with a smooth excuse. Say the docs have said bed rest due to early contractions, third trimester sickness or whatever. You will feel so relieved once you have cancelled!

I cancelled my pil visit to us from abroad twice during my last pregnancy because of problems during the pregnancy. Dh was very nervous about it the first time (I had to really put my foot down, which was annoying as I wished he would clearly see why and do it without me enforcing it) but the second time was no problem. Btw, my pil can be a bit tricky and self centred but they surprised us and completely understood and were brilliant about it. No guilt tripping and lots of support.

Good luck and emery xmas

Oh and just saw that your dh is not helping with your dc during the nights. IMO that's quite unacceptable and quite selfish. My dh did most of the night tending during most of my pregnancy. I was way too knack red and ill to do it myself. It sounds like your body is really run down and you need to get some sleep and tic. Hopefully your parents will be a great help during the holidays but def. get dh to help out more!!

Not tic but tlc

I'm only 23 weeks pregnant with dc3. I've learnt with experience that you do yourself no favours trying to please people in pregnancy.

I am being assertive about my needs. To rest, to not socialise if I don't feel like it etc. Anyone who gets offended at that is being selfish themselves.

OP you are damn well not being unreasonable

Stat at home, your allowed to be selfish now, I'm 28 weeks and have refused to leave my own house this year as knackered, husband also moans about tiredness, achey back etc every time I do, only difference is I sarcastically comment back and as for night wakings, he's going to have to deal with some... Best start that now

You are 37 weeks pregnant and it's time to let mummy take over. Come on go home for mummy cuddles and some rest. You deserve it

Your DH is being an arse. Tell him he needs to deal with DS for the next few nights while you rest - say the midwife said this.

Don't go to the inlaws, he can take DS if he wants. You need to think of yourself and the baby.

Exactly how many chances do you want to give these people to treat you and your son like shit? Sitting there for eleven hours without any food should be enough for one lifetime IMO.

Just don't go.

You could give birth at any time now and the extra stress of all this is not good for you. Your DH needs to grow a backbone or get a phantom D&V bug at your parents which means none of you can travel. No one wants a D&V bug. Anyone who doesn't want the best for your health right now is not worth the time or energy that the stress you are under requires. FWIW, if I was in this situation my DH wouldn't be letting me do anything, go anywhere or do anything that could cause me stress. He would be protecting me and making sure everything was set up to cause me the least stress possible. But then his family wouldn't be acting life your DH's either.

I'm back...!

Right - it's been decided that I won't go to PILs. Instead, we'll go to my parents for Christmas and DH and DS will go up for the day to visit PILs.

Feel v sorry for DH as he has two sets of grandparents living but MIK never has one set (FIL's) to the house as she doesn't really have visitors and prefers to go out to eat. She and FIL visit the parents instead. So, DH coukd have seen both sets of grandparents relatively easily is she would have both sets to the house. But she won't so he'll need to travel with DS to see both sets - another 20 miles onto the journey

There's a lot of pressure to go and he is caught between a rock and a hard place. I would prefer if he didn't go as it is 90 miles each way so if I go into labour it's a bit if a drive to get back.

I could ask PILs to come here for a visit. Would that be better? Not sure. I'd have to sort food etc and I really just don't want to feel "invaded". This makes me sound so inhospitable and difficult I'm not really I just can't decide what's best

I would be telling them to come to you or it's off I'm afraid, your not inhospitable, you are due!

If she likes eating out why don't they come to you and you go out, I wouldn't stand for the DH trotting off on a 240 round trip when I was so far gone, and if she's pressurising that visiting is more important than you not being alone in labour, then the measure of the woman is right there for all to see

I would put my foot down or forever be second fiddle