to think people that say, let me know if you need anything. are not actually offering any real help at all

[Anyfuckerisnotguilty]

That saying really gets on my nerves

people say it to make themselves feel good and helpful

wben really its just an empty offer

if your going to offer help. Make it a real offer

YABU. I say it when I want to help but don't know how.

Yes, Yabu.

If I know what specific help to offer, I will ask that first eg I'll walk your dog/take you to hospital etc.

If I am not sure what help they might need, I will say it and follow up with ' I really mean it so have a think what I can do....'

As other posters have said, people find it difficult to ask for help and those that offer help don't want to intrude by just wading in.

I have had people I wouldn't have expected say it to me this week and one person put themselves out for me yesterday to do something really genuinely helpful. It has utterly changed my opinion of them

YABU. I've said it at meant it. I said it recently to a friend expecting her third DC. She has a supportive husband, lovely family and friendly neighbours, so I'm not quite sure what would be the most useful thing for me to offer, but if there is something (looking after other DC, making a meal, picking up some shopping for her), then I'd do it in a flash. I hope she knows that, and in fact, she did ask me for help previously when she had DC2.

YABU...I say it and always mean it.

I agree YABU, I also say it and mean it.

A neighbour's DH was admitted to hospital, they have a severely disabled Teenager, who they joint care for (SE) and buy in partial care.

I put a card through the door with my mobile number on.

I don't know them well enough to know what they might need, I know they have no family. I was asked twice to help.

It sometimes surprises me how little people are willing to do for others (odd bit if child are for family, taking a neighbours child to school/home, take in parcels) for others on MN, tbh.

If I have time to help I will, but don't always know what is needed, so I make an open offer.

I say it and mean it! Sorry if that hasn't been your experience OP, I think some people can be flakey, but don't assume everyone is the same.

Even if most people mean it it does put the onus on the person in need to ask, with the risk that they might be turned down, and that can be awkward. I think it's nicer as some have mentioned above to give specific examples of the kind of help you are offering - even if it's not exactly what the person needs it can make them feel more comfortable about asking.

The best way I ever got help was from a neighbour who just did it without asking. I was on my own with a new baby and he came round with fresh cooked food on his way to work - no expectation of being invited in. After that I asked him for other kinds of help too as I could see that he was someone who liked to help in practical ways.

I've pondered this a bit more and come to the conclusion that more concrete offers of help are more likely to be taken up, but are harder to make if you don't know the person that well.

I still think that most vague offers of help are offered with the desire to actually help but are less often taken up because of the upthread mentioned worry of 'overstepping the mark'.
I don't know what the answer is; I am very happy to help, but would wither and die if I turned in to my overbearing mother who always knows best what somebody else 'needs doing'

YABU, I would say it in sensitive situations as you don't want to intrude but would like to help if required.

I would often be a bit more specific when I say it though, maybe 'Let me know if you need me to pick up the kids/watch the kids' or something like that.

If I say it I do mean it.

In my recent experience as a recipient of this phrase from many friends and family, I find I turned for help to those who offered specific help. Such as can I drop/collect DC to school, take them for afternoon, cook you a meal, etc. Very easy to say, if you could do that on Friday it would be a great help, rather than pick up phone and make a request for that same help. I haven't followed up with anybody who offered generic help.

My advice to anybody who really means it, is to tag on an example of what you could do to help.

A huge bug bear of Mine.

I try not to offer things I cant deliver on, and I try to think before I speak when promising things.

We had a neighbour like this, almost every single time we saw her she offered to help with lifts to school etc...When we were in a panic and a jam, we asked her, and her face fell, and she made some rubbish excuse as to why she wouldnt.

Empty promises. My DB does this too, getting the DC all excited about theme parks and so on, then sweet F.A.

just because you have crappy friends don't tar us all with the same brush.

I suppose it would be more accurate to say 'if there is anything you need let me know and if I can help I will'

you might say 'let me know if you need anything' whilst thinking of something that would be of little inconvenience to you or that there probably isn't but you never know and it's only polite to offer but then being confronted with something that actually would fuck about with your own logistics. eg picking up kids from school along with your own and dropping them off versus looking after them for a few hours after school when you need to make a supermarket run and don't have enough space in the car for extra children. It would be foolish to think 'anything' means 'anything'.

Also some people will be good for helping out financially and others will be good for helping out with time, or kids, or food or providing a sympathetic ear, or motivation, or sticking up for you, or wording a letter of complaint. It's unlikely one person will be of use in all circumstances.