DH accidentally invited my family to ours for Christmas and upon hearing this mil invited theirs. After this, we spoke to everyone and said we would love to have everyone for dinner and they are welcome to stay for tea in the evening. Bil and fiancée said they weren't definitely sure what they were doing but would be at ours for either dinner or tea and would let us know nearer the time (this was in October).
Dh chased them so we knew what size turkey to order, eventually we find out from mil a couple of weeks ago that they are hosting their own Christmas with her family. Fair enough but I think they should have told us themselves.
It's our DS's first Christmas so we were planning a leisurely morning, with family coming over late morning (we have told everything this). Saw bil and his fiancée and she told we they are coming to ours first thing, I said it didn't work for us could they come over later. She said no, she and bil have decided its better for them if they come over first thing. I repeated it didn't work for us.
DH texted his brother earlier about something else and the subject of Christmas came up, dh reiterated that first thing didn't work for us and could they come later and got back a pa message saying they they will try and find time to drop off the presents before then but wouldn't see us over Christmas. Dh thinks we should back down and let them come over but I think they are being rude and we shouldn't have to fit around them.
Disclaimer, I may be being a little unreasonable as they have told the rest of the family that they didn't think I would cope with them too so that why they are not coming. We host a number of large parties/ dinner parties a year and I have been fine, including a surprise party when DS was 10 wks old.
Also, so not to drip feed, they both look down on me because I am not a manager and they both are, had a number of comments over the years and also she has made disparaging remarks about my appearance. Bil (when v drunk) once told me she makes the comments because she is jealous I am thinner then her as her goal is to be the same size as me. I struggle with my confidence and their comments have really affected me so I don't feel like I owe them any favours iyswim.
Well done if you managed to read all that!