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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to get engaged to my partner of 12 years?

49 replies

strongagain1985 · 19/12/2013 22:28

Been together 12 years and have two kids. I want to take the next step but he's not so keen. AIBU? How long do I wait? What would you do?

OP posts:
rabbitlady · 19/12/2013 22:29
Grin this is a pretend, surely?
Kannet · 19/12/2013 22:30

Just lay the facts on the table to him. Make it clear it's a marriage not a wedding you want.

Original poster
strongagain1985 · 19/12/2013 22:30

No unfortunately not. I'm a little upset tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
strongagain1985 · 19/12/2013 22:31

I would want to get engaged and then marry within a couple of years frm then

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 19/12/2013 22:32

If you've been together twelve years then why get engaged for two. Just get married somewhen next year.

Upcycled · 19/12/2013 22:32

Before christmas 2014 would be my deadline

firesidechat · 19/12/2013 22:33

Do you mean that you want to get married because that is surely what "getting engaged" is all about?

"Getting engaged" is meaningless.

MichaelFinnigan · 19/12/2013 22:33

My dp of 17 years and I are eloping

The lack of marriage started bothering me all of a sudden. I laid my cards on the table and said I was actually quite hurt that he'd not proposed.

A week later we were giving our notice thing and in two weeks time we will be hitched

Perhaps you need to be clear with him and explain your reasons

Kannet · 19/12/2013 22:33

My point is. Would you be happy if he said let's go to the town hall next week and just do it, or do you want a big do. I know a lot of men are really put off the idea cause they can't face the idea or the cost of a wedding.

Flatassantassacks · 19/12/2013 22:33

What's his reasons?

MalcolmTuckersMistress · 19/12/2013 22:34

This was my husband exactly! Two kids and thirteen years together. One valentines day after yet an other non proposal show I told him that was it and started packing. Luckily that was enough to get him to pull his finger out.

foreverondiet · 19/12/2013 22:34

What are his reasons? Could it be done quietly?

JeanSeberg · 19/12/2013 22:35

How has this never come up before?

firesidechat · 19/12/2013 22:36

Just seen your update. Why such a long engagement after all these years? Is it so that he can get accustomed to the idea?

Original poster
strongagain1985 · 19/12/2013 22:40

I thought that's what people do, get engaged first and then marry? If he turned round and said let's go to the town hall tomorrow then I would be more than happy. I don't want a big do. I'm not sure of his reasons. We have been together from a young age. This is really getting to me now.

OP posts:
rabbitlady · 19/12/2013 22:40

nip out and get married as quietly as possible.

applepieinthesky · 19/12/2013 22:44

I've been with DP for nearly eleven years and we've been engaged for ages but never set a date. After I had DS a year ago it felt much more important all of a sudden. We are now getting married in June 2014. We are doing it quietly, just the two of us, DS and two witnesses.

firesidechat · 19/12/2013 22:45

Honestly after 12 years together and 2 children I can't see the point of an engagement. Just agree to get married, decide how you both want to do it and get it done.

Original poster
strongagain1985 · 19/12/2013 22:46

He doesn't want to get married

OP posts:
firesidechat · 19/12/2013 22:47

Have you never discussed marriage before this?

I'm always a bit confused by threads like this, but I think that may be my age or something.

Original poster
strongagain1985 · 19/12/2013 22:47

He knows it upsets me but he doesn't give a shit

OP posts:
applepieinthesky · 19/12/2013 22:48

I was the same strong. Having not been too fussed about it for years, mainly because we got together so young, it started to really get to me.

applepieinthesky · 19/12/2013 22:49

Why doesn't he want to? DP made out he didn't want to but actually what he didn't want was a big wedding and being the centre of attention.

BackforGood · 19/12/2013 22:49

I'm with most people - don't see the point of "getting engaged" in your situation - surely if you want to get married, then that's what you do, get married.

Preciousbane · 19/12/2013 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.