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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to withold Cheque ds was having for xmas

51 replies

roastchesnutlatte · 19/12/2013 17:59

Ds (16) asked for new playstation thing for xmas, has been told no as too expensive and his school effort has been so poor this year that I cant justify buying a distraction. we had agreed that he would have a cheque for £200 which he wouldnt cash (so as to save it up) and he could then have money for his birthday etc and if he wants to save and buy one then thats his choice.
Today school bill arrives, there is a £164 charge for missed piano lessons (normally we dont pay as he is a music scholar, only pay if he doesnt turn up) and a £70 charge for remarking a classics GCSE which I speciofically asked him not to have rmarked as he got a D and frankly its best forgotten about and remarking to get to a C seems pointless.I dont like taking conflict into xmas but cant see any other way of recouping the money and feel he needs to be responsible for it.
He does have general stocking type presents, cd/dvd/clothes etc.

OP posts:
PeriodFeatures · 19/12/2013 18:01

Oh dear. pack him off to the local comp.

Theas18 · 19/12/2013 18:01

I would certainly make him pay in this way for the missed lessons. No excuse what so ever. That looks suspiciously like 10 lessons at £16.90 so a whole term worth! Did school not let you know he wasn't turning up?

LineRunner · 19/12/2013 18:05

I don't think seventy quid for a Classics GCSE is pointless.

What did he say when you asked him why he missed the piano lessons?

WhoNickedMyName · 19/12/2013 18:10

Unless he can come up with a great explanation for missing his piano lessons then yeah I wouldn't give him the cheque.

LegoStillSavesMyLife · 19/12/2013 18:10

Provided he did miss the piano lessons, that seems perfectly reasonable to me. He's big enough to understand his actions have consequences.

Me I'd want the extra £34 off him as well.

livinginawinterwonderland · 19/12/2013 18:12

Did the school not let you know he wasn't attending lessons?

But, I don't think paying to remark a GCSE is pointless if he wasn't far off the boundary. I got a "C" for Geography - I was off a "B" by one mark. The £70 to get it remarked was definitely worth it for me.

Original poster
roastchesnutlatte · 19/12/2013 18:12

period features-it being the season of goodwill and all, I think that would be a bit unfair to the local comp :)
Thea-think he made it to one
Linerunner-nothing against classics, just that he had ten other gcse grades a*/a so seemed to me better to just brush the D under the carpet than try to get it up to a C which still looks pretty poor.
He isnt here at the moment, lucky for him!

OP posts:
WooWooOwl · 19/12/2013 18:12

I'd make my dc pay the money for the missed piano lessons, but I would willingly pay for the GSCE myself if just a remark will get him up a grade.

Topseyt · 19/12/2013 18:13

I would withhold it. He knew what he was doing, and needs to feel the consequences.

BohemianGirl · 19/12/2013 18:19

I love a stealth boast. just that he had ten other gcse grades a/a so seemed to me better to just brush the D under the carpet than try to get it up to a C which still looks pretty poor.*

£70 would be two papers remarked - which board was it and I will pull out the syllabus and charges.

birdybear · 19/12/2013 18:19

I don't think Christmas or birthday presents should ever be dependant on behavior. They should be purely because we love you presents.

Bad behavior or consequences should be addressed in other ways, not related to Christmas.

RawCoconutMacaroon · 19/12/2013 18:20

£70 for a remark! I'd willing pay that for any subject close to a grade boundary... Except in Scotland you can't!

I'd be making him pay for the missed piano lessons and also I'd be asking the school why they didn't tell you after he missed the first couple... As a music scholar shouldn't that be ringing alarm bells with them?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/12/2013 18:23

Tbh if you are paying for school and they haven't told you about the missed piano lessons then I would be pretty pissed off.

But yes I would withhold the cheque.

Original poster
roastchesnutlatte · 19/12/2013 18:28

Bohemian girl, not a stealth boast at all actually, just thought I had upset line runner ( secret classic teacher? :) ) and hence needed to clarify why it was better off left off the radar, hence why not mentioned in first post.
It was two papers, Greek.i have the numbers listed on the bill.
He had some other papers remarked in other subjects and I didn't mind paying for that but I specifically asked that this one be left alone, hence my crossness.
To be fair, re school letting me know, they usually email after the event and I have had one email this term, think they are just fed up with it and given up. Am emailing to cancel all future lessons so problem won't arise again.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/12/2013 18:32

How can he be a music scholar and not go to his music lessons?

BohemianGirl · 19/12/2013 18:34

they would be peripatetic lessons, not curriculum

Creamycoolerwithcream · 19/12/2013 18:38

If that was my son I'd get him to do jobs around the home as a way of paying back the piano money. I'd still give the Christmas presents I was planning to give. I think the two things are separate.

livinginawinterwonderland · 19/12/2013 18:43

I don't think he can be a music scholar if he doesn't attend lessons. That was the case at my school - you had to play at least 1 instrument and attend every single lesson in order to keep your scholarship.

landrover · 19/12/2013 18:46

Blimey, his school effort has been so poor, yet he's got a, s and a* s (jealous!). Im afraid I would also be asking why i hadn't been informed about the missed piano lessons (obv his fault but I don't see why you should have to pay if you weren't informed, teacher should have told you, and does anybody know where he was at this time? shouldn't they have a responsibility?)

Original poster
roastchesnutlatte · 19/12/2013 18:49

Bohemian girl, you seem to be knowledgeable on this stuff, do you mind me asking if we would have heard back by now on the remarks if grades had changed? Hijacks own thread........
Re doing chores around house, he is a lazy tyke and chance of them getting done is zero, otherwise I completely agree that Xmas should be separate , which is why I wonder if IABU, but can't see a viable solution otherwise.

OP posts:
piratecat · 19/12/2013 18:50

that's pretty poor of the school not to notify you of the number of missed lessons.

yet they did notify you, and flagged it up. that bit was up to you to sort out with him.

letting him get away with it really.

Original poster
roastchesnutlatte · 19/12/2013 18:51

Livinginawinterwonderland, he does lots of other stuff, his main thing is singing and he goes to those lessons and sings in all the choirs, as part of the package you get a second instrument lesson free, which in his case is piano, but deal is that if you don't turn up you pay.

OP posts:
Creamycoolerwithcream · 19/12/2013 18:53

A lazy tyke who may do jobs around the house if the wifi is turned of until he's done some stuff for you...

landrover · 19/12/2013 18:53

Pirate, they didn't notify her i don't think (she had one email but we don't know if it was about missed piano lessons) x

Original poster
roastchesnutlatte · 19/12/2013 18:54

Pirate cat, already made him pay for the lesson we knew he had missed by stopping pocket money.
Am not moaning at the school at all, just that if they had told us about the missed lessons on a regular basis I could have done something sooner.
End of the day though blame is solely at the door of ds here.

OP posts: