To be so fairly furious with ds's school/teacher

[DirtyDancingCleanLiving]

Ds1 is 5, in Year 1. Every Monday they take £1 'fruit money' in and then have a piece of fruit with milk in the afternoon. I put the £1 in ds's bookbag every Monday which he then takes out and hands in.
There are two kids in the class that won't eat fruit, so never have it. As far as I know, everyone else (20 + kids) do.

So tonight, I'm putting the dc to bed and ds asks in a really sad voice 'Mummy, can you give Mrs X a pound tomorrow?' I ask why and he says so that he can have fruit tomorrow and Friday. On further questioning, he says that he didn't have £1 on Monday so he hasn't been allowed any fruit. He did ask his teacher but she said he couldn't because he hadn't paid.

He then went on to tell me he's gone into the toilets every day this week at fruit time because 'I didn't want the other children to see me crying'.

So I've looked in his bookbag and found the missing £1 - it had gone right down into the bottom corner (took me a good 20 seconds to find it) so ds1 had thought it wasn't in there.

AIBU to be actually quite upset and angry at his teacher? Could a bit of common sense not have been employed? Ds1 is nearly 6 and started at the school the day after his 3rd Birthday. Without fail, EVERY single Monday, he has always had his fruit money.

Surely common sense would say it's some kind of mistake - why didn't the teacher just have a word with me? Ds always has his money in his bookbag...why didn't the teacher check for him when he couldn't find it?

It may seem really petty to some...but to a 5 year old this is such a big deal. He loves fruit time and the thought that my 5 year old has spent 3 days crying in the toilets at school because he's so disappointed he's been the only one missing out makes me furious.

Any insight from teachers who deal with the whole fruit money with young kids would be helpful too.

AIBU to want to have a serious word with the teacher?

Yes we're in Wales and they get free milk until the end of year 2. We pay for fruit £1 a week until the same time.

After that if they want fruit at break, parents have to provide it and there's no milk.

That's why there's some disparities.

OP - envelopes are your friend!

We get free milk every day for every child. Free fruit a couple of times a week.

If a child who normally pays didn't have it, I'd ask them to check their bag and if they still couldn't find it, I would check it myself. probably whilst muttering it must be there

Either way, of course I'd give the child fruit.
If we have a cake and candy in school, regardless of how many notes you send home or how many times you remind them, there will always be children who forget to bring money.

I ALWAYS give them some money, 20p or so. I do say, please try and give me it back tomorrow and a couple of times, I've had to say that I gave you money the last time as well.

I don't really expect them to give me it back. I also give my own DC plenty of money and I tell them that they can share with anyone who's forgotten. I tell their teachers that I don't want my DC bringing any back, it's to spend.

However, I would NEVER stand and watch a class going to a cake and candy while some wee soul has nothing. Never. There always seems to be money lying about in class which nobody claims, 10p here, 5p there. I stick it all in a piggy bank and give it to kids who've forgotten.

It's always to raise funds for charity anyway. So if I end up giving my own money, which has happened a lot over the years, I don't mind. I tell myself it could very very easily be my child who's forgotten. Or I've forgotten, more like.

I try and treat other people's children the way I'd want them to treat my own, should such a situation arise.

I think the teacher was reasonable enough not to check herself, but totally mean to not let him have the fruit. She must know that you're good for it, OP.

We have free school fruit.
Many people choose to bring in their own fruit.
No £1

Teachers generally have a lot of stuff to do in the first 20 minutes of the school day, before lessons begin; registration, school lunches, notes, homework handed in etc. They certainly don't have time to delve into the school bags of all the children who can't find their fruit money.

Sorry, but it is your son's responsibility to carefully search his bag for the money, not the teacher. At our school some children use a zip purse to carry any money they require. It is easy to access in a schoolbag and would solve the problem of a stray £1 being lost in the bottom of the bag.

SayMyName - I'm the same. We put it all in a pot and the extra donations pay for the ones who forget plus I always put money into charity bake sales at school too. I love the idea of giving more money and saying to the teacher that it can be shared with others if needed.

OP - why not ask if you can provide piece of fruit for your child each day instead of paying?

I'm in England, and yes here we pay for milk after 5yo but fruit is free for all infants.

And actually - and even if it wasn't - most teachers don't have time in a morning to look through all bags. It's a busy time. Ours pay for school dinners and milk. But teachers and TAs don't get involved. Money goes either straight to the office or put in a pot in a morning - that goes straight to the office with the register. Teaching staff don't look at it. We then get a list from the office saying who gets milk. The caretaker then brings us that exact amount of milk each day. Obviously if a child is away we may have spare. We then go down the register list of those who don't have milk and offer it them in turn - and record where we are up to.

Does the same system work for your fruit? That is, the class is only given x amount depending on who has paid?

DD1 (6) got a big tearful over missing milk for the first week of this term...after I'd stupidly sent an unsigned cheque to pay for it If you don't pay for the week in advance, the children can't have it.

I told her to get a grip gently reminded her that some children in the world never get enough to eat, and that 5 missed bottles of milk was a long way from being something to cry over.

I'd just chalk it up to experience, use an envelope or container for coins in future, and try to encourage a more robust attitude to things going wrong. If you join him in over reacting, your doing him no favours for the future when he is likely to have far worse things to deal with than 3 missing bananas.

If he always has fruit and then suddenly stopped, I don't see why she didn't just let him have the fruit or help him check his bag. Seems a bit tight to me. I'd be pissed off too.

i would feel the same as you. to think of my little boy crying in the toilets makes me really sad, i always used to put my sons dinner money in the front pocket of his back pack when he was at nursery....we are talking maybe 2 years old? the girls knew i did this, i still told them every day, yet a day did arise whereby my son went without his lunch whilst all his little friends were eating without him because the girls forgot. I wasn't happy.

Get him a purse or a wallet.
A loose coin is asking for trouble, and why has he been sad for three days and not told you?
Did he think you'd be cross with him for losing the coin?

In our LEA, fruit for KS1 started as a free government thing, then it stopped. Our school decided to continue to fund it, so KS1 get free fruit, milk is paid for by parents if they want it.

"The teacher is a negligent bitch."
"People like this SCAR CHILDREN FOR LIFE!"

Someone needs to get a grip

Well no it won't scar him for life and its not the end of the world but its a bit shit isn't it.

Why give a 5 year old a loose coin he couldn't find?
Why didn't he tell his mum the first day he was upset?

The teacher should just have given him the fruit. I'd just throw in fruit for any child that couldn't pay rather than exclude anyone.

But if I had to chase around school bags for loose coins every week I'd go mental. Buy a little coin purse which attaches to the handle of the bag, or put it in an envelope which is easy to find.

It's not so much the missing fruit and whether or not to put the money in an envelope that's the issue - your DS just needs to learn that these things happen and that it's not a catastrophe - it's that he was crying in the toilets for three days and no one noticed that worries me. Might just be an overstatement on his side, but I'd want to know if she knew about that.

odd diferences between wales and england,

teacher should have used common sense and been kinder.

some kids are sensitive.

I would have a word..

used to send dd1 loose money in bookbag for cake sales and tuck shop buy milk or juice.

free fruit in ks1 abundance of it.

milk annoys me as dd2 starts reception 2014 she 5 in sept so will have to pay or she wont understand why most of class get free milk should be free for all reception at least or all ks1 be nice.

just think they bang on about healthy eating and strict rules on packed lunch contents free fruit for all primary be good thing its seems juniors dont need to eat as much as no free school meals proposed for ks2.

All our money at current school goes through office mostly but there was time dd1 gave rception £1 they phoned up and asked whats £1 for?

Milk and fruit are free in DS's class, but he is still in F2 as he is only four, he will move up to Year 1 in September.

But from his 5th birthday in March we will have to pay for his milk. Fruit will still be free at that point I think.

We can pay for milk on-line, either weekly, monthly or each half term.

I think it's a bit rough asking you all to pay for fruit. I think either the children bring in a snack or the school should provide fruit for everyone that wants it. You can't single children out.
My child is in year 1, he takes in a snack and they are given fruit. They are also allowed to take a piece of fruit at home time if they are hungry.

BoneyBackJefferson the poster was being sarcastic.

My dd is in KS1 and gets free fruit. I don't think she gets a drink of milk , I know she did in nursery class.

Anyway, OP I'd just calm down a bit. I know it's not good to think of your ds being upset but all it takes is a quick word with the teacher to say the money was in the book bag, it will always be in the book bag, so if ds can't lay his hands on it could he still have the fruit and an adult check the bag. But yes, an envelope would be a good idea.

I would send his pound in an a4 envelope with massive writing on saying Fruit Money.. I can't be missed then

Teacher should have given him the fruit and lettered you for the pound .