To be so fairly furious with ds's school/teacher

[DirtyDancingCleanLiving]

Ds1 is 5, in Year 1. Every Monday they take £1 'fruit money' in and then have a piece of fruit with milk in the afternoon. I put the £1 in ds's bookbag every Monday which he then takes out and hands in.
There are two kids in the class that won't eat fruit, so never have it. As far as I know, everyone else (20 + kids) do.

So tonight, I'm putting the dc to bed and ds asks in a really sad voice 'Mummy, can you give Mrs X a pound tomorrow?' I ask why and he says so that he can have fruit tomorrow and Friday. On further questioning, he says that he didn't have £1 on Monday so he hasn't been allowed any fruit. He did ask his teacher but she said he couldn't because he hadn't paid.

He then went on to tell me he's gone into the toilets every day this week at fruit time because 'I didn't want the other children to see me crying'.

So I've looked in his bookbag and found the missing £1 - it had gone right down into the bottom corner (took me a good 20 seconds to find it) so ds1 had thought it wasn't in there.

AIBU to be actually quite upset and angry at his teacher? Could a bit of common sense not have been employed? Ds1 is nearly 6 and started at the school the day after his 3rd Birthday. Without fail, EVERY single Monday, he has always had his fruit money.

Surely common sense would say it's some kind of mistake - why didn't the teacher just have a word with me? Ds always has his money in his bookbag...why didn't the teacher check for him when he couldn't find it?

It may seem really petty to some...but to a 5 year old this is such a big deal. He loves fruit time and the thought that my 5 year old has spent 3 days crying in the toilets at school because he's so disappointed he's been the only one missing out makes me furious.
Any insight from teachers who deal with the whole fruit money with young kids would be helpful too.

AIBU to want to have a serious word with the teacher?

[BohemianGirl]

He loves fruit time and the thought that my 5 year old has spent 3 days crying in the toilets at school because he's so disappointed he's been the only one missing out makes me furious.

Melodrama, much? Sobbing, and yet this mysterious pound is found 3 days later in a corner? Oh for the love of God, the drama, the hysteria, oh no, he just remembered to mention it to you.


Next time = Put. It.In. An. Envelope

[DirtyDancingCleanLiving]

If fruit is free for all KS1 children then why would he be refused it for not paying?

No need for the sarcastic 'joke' either Jon Snow. I'm upset because my child has been upset. Has that never happened to you?

[PolyesterBride]

I'm pretty sure fruit is free at our school and milk is something like 12p a week. £1 a week suddenly seems expensive! But that sounds mean not to give it out and ask for the money afterwards. Would they not give then dinner if they'd forgotten their dinner money?

[MrsWedgeAntilles]

Did she notice him crying OP? This is what's upsetting me about your story, the fruit things a bit shit but its a bit of a red herring.
How didn't she notice he was isolating himself from his class mates everyday at the same time, completely out of the blue? Worse than that is the possibility that she did notice but didn't care enough to find out why or to comfort him.

[BohemianGirl]

JonSnowKnowsNothing Wed 18-Dec-13 20:40:33
meanwhile back in reality
Yes, meanwhile back in reality, people make sarcastic jokes... before posting.

And the rest of us bring our children up equipped to deal with disappointment.

[Oly4]

I'd be angry! I'd probably say to his teacher "X was really upset he couldn't have fruit and cried in the toilets. His pound was in the bottom of his bag. If this happens again can you give him the fruit and I will pay you as soon as I see you?" I think that's reasonable and not too rude. She was being mean.
But yes, put his money in a little purse or something

[sunmonkey]

I think its ridiculous of her not to give him any fruit or any child for that matter as well and at that age they can be quite affected by things like that when it comes to the teacher. Where I am we have to send in their own snacks at break times but if I had to do the same as you it would be a chore to say the least as he would probably also lose it from time to time. Its a much better idea to give it in advance like you suggested,

[starrystarryknut]

I'm confused by this. Schools get free fruit for children. It's some kind of 5 a day thing from the government, like milk was back in the 60s. I go into staff rooms every week and see boxes of WASTED fruit that is not distributed, in every school I go to (I am peripatetic). Why are you being charged £1? I think they are scamming you.

[DirtyDancingCleanLiving]

Over...no, it's a state school. There are (I think) 22 in his class. That's quite large compared to some though, ds2 only has 15 in his!

[ExcuseTypos]

I do feel for our DS but I too think you should put the money in a named envelope. A pound coin is very easy to lose.

In Yr a teacher or TA would check in a book bag, but in Y1 I can't see them doing that.

I also think your DS should have said something to you on Monday and I want to find out why he didn't.

[blahe]

www.freshproduce.org.uk/documents/FPCwebsite-SFVS-supportingdocument.pdf

[TwllBach]

I'm in Wales, so it might well be different, but we supply free milk for all children up to Y2. No fruit though.

In our school, pupils' book bags in Reception and Y1 are put into a box, by the front door of the classroom every morning by the children. As the teacher takes the register, the assistants go through the book bags for dinner money, notes etc and then give these to the teacher - making sure things like these don't happen.

I do agree that maybe you should put the money in an envelope?

[kd73]

My child's in reception and needs to carry 20p for toast, we always put it in a small wallet as loose money is easily lost !

[lougle]

As other posters have said, fruit is free for Key Stage 1 children (Years R, 1, 2). Milk is free until their 5th birthday, then stops.

I don't think it's reasonable to put a loose coin in a book bag. It should be in an envelope marked with name, class and purpose.

[WorraLiberty]

Milk and fruit is free at KS1 in my DC's school.

I don't know if that's just a London thing though?

Kids also get free music lessons in KS2 and ride free on the bus, but I often forget this isn't always the case elsewhere in the UK.

[drivingmisslazy]

We get free fruit in our school. I work in Y1 (with 30 kids) and with all the things children have to bring back, we rely on the children to look in their own bookbags. We like money in envelopes.

inho YABU to have a go in and have a serious word with the teacher. It might be worth a mention though, I would be more concerned that my child was that upset and never mentioned it sooner. In our school if someone is upset in the toilet they quickly come and get someone.

[CailinDana]

How was the teacher to know why your son didn't have a pound? What if you couldn't spare a pound? What if she gave your son fruit then asked you for a pound and you were angry/mortified/upset?

[WooWooOwl]

The teacher and whatever adults they have in the classroom were horrible!

Why would they even bother to say no, presumably the fruit was there already, they had enough to go round, so what's the point in saying no to a small child? Would they prefer the fruit to go in the bin out of principle or something?

Crazy.

I'm another that agrees that fruit is free for ks1, and milk is free up to five.

[Sunshineonsea]

I think the free fruit and or milk depends on which county you are in and which school
In a school in Wales it was free milk until end of infants and fruit had to be paid for (ordered from local green grocer)
We are in SE England now and ds takes own drink and snack, I have a feeling fruit is free but it's whatever is given (so some days could be carrots, other days pears etc) and ds is too picky so I've never actually asked if there's a charge
IME though if a child who pays regularly suddenly stops then a piece of fruit will be given to them and Teacher or TA will check with the paren

I wouldn't make a big issue with the fruit, just kindly ask them to check with you if money hasn't been paid in future
WRT Dc crying, is their routine snack, toilet, playtime? Meaning it wouldn't be unusual for your ds to actually be in the toilet at this time and of he's gone out to play straight after so nobody has noticed he's been upset?

[CrohnicallySick]

Twllbach- I have better things to do than go through children's book bags as a matter of routine.

In y1 we encourage the children to take responsibility for themselves. So we would prompt the children to check their bags themselves. If a child came and said 'I can't find it, I'm sure it was here' then of course we would help them.

I use the register time to go over flash cards and quick handwriting activities with particular children with SEN- the kind of thing that only takes a few minutes but needs doing every day, by doing it in register time it means that they aren't missing out during literacy or numeracy.

[DirtyDancingCleanLiving]

I'm also in Wales so I suppose that explains the paying for fruit but free milk.

I have taken on board comments about putting the money in an envelope/giving to the teacher. It's not something that has ever caused a problem in almost 3 years though, so not something I would have foreseen.

[bishbashboosh]

Put the money in a purse or envelope

[GW297]

Fruit is free in state schools in England for infants. I am a Y1 teacher and would have checked or loaned your child £1 if he'd brought it in every week this term. I'd also have written you a note the first day it wasn't there or spoken to you at the end of the day if possible. Pastoral care slightly lacking on this occasion I feel. I would challenge them charging parents for fruit and agree asking to pay termly so this doesn't happen again is a good idea too.

[Salmotrutta]

It's quite shocking to see the teacher being described as a "bitch" and a "cow" by people who weren't presumably there?

[ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch]

YANBU. I prayed I the toilets in junior school every lunchtime for weeks and no one noticed.