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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To understand how it feels to feel shit about Christmas

28 replies

Gossipmonster · 18/12/2013 15:12

Normally love Christmas even as a single parent always had other family to spend it with - have never been the only adult with my DC.

This yr OH is away working (we won't be able to speak) all family gone abroad and I didn't go as thought OH would be home.

Arranged Xmas day with mate who has now let me down at the 11th hour with lame excuse.

It will all be down to me and while I love my DC massively and will pull out all the stops to make sure they have a great day, I can't have a drink with them and it is not their job to support or make it fun or special for me.

First time in my life I just want to bury my head somewhere and wish Xmas would just be over already as I am sick of hearing carols, about family get together and about family being together.

I guess I am lucky I have never felt like this at Xmas before and makes me feel like adopting all the lonely people every Christmas.

Is it just me or are there other Christmas dreaders out there?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 18/12/2013 15:28

I love love love Christmas just me & dcs. You never know, it might be better than you think. And of course you can still have a drink.

IamInvisible · 18/12/2013 15:32

Me.
DH will be in the Falklands. He will ring but we won't Skype or FaceTime because the Internet connection is beyond crap.

My parents have gone to Portugal for 6 weeks.
PILs have forgotten we exist!

Back in the Summer I suggested going to Cape Verde but the kids didn't want to. I wish I had just booked it, or gone on my own!

formerbabe · 18/12/2013 15:34

I can understand why you are dreading it but its just one day. Is there no one you can ask. If I knew one of my friends was going to be alone I would welcome them with open arms...maybe if someone knew they would invite you? If not, make sure on the day you go out for a walk, it will at least get you out of the house for a bit.

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 18/12/2013 15:35

That's the thing it is just one day with this massive build up everywhere I look making me feel like shit :(

OP posts:
diddl · 18/12/2013 15:39

TBH, I can't see why you're dreading it when you'll be with your children.

And as for not being able to drink with themHmm-so what?

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 18/12/2013 15:41

Because I like to have a drunk at Xmas and drinking alone isn't much fun - it isn't illegal?

It would also be nice to have some adult company to share it with.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gossipmonster · 18/12/2013 15:42

Drink...

OP posts:
thebody · 18/12/2013 15:46

You know what it might not be as bad as you think.

How old are dcs. I would get up, open presents, have a lovely breakfast and a nip of sherry and then out for a walk.

Come back, have dinner, put on pjs open a bottle for you and snuggle under duvet with kids to watch tele and pig out.

diddl · 18/12/2013 15:46

But you can have a drink & they can have a pretend drink to toast with!

I suppose I can see what you mean about missing adult company.

Make the best of it though-they'll be others far worse off!

Perhaps you can make it easy/different by doing some sort of buffet & have Christmas dinner when your husband returns, for example.

DidoTheDodo · 18/12/2013 15:47

I'm steeling myself up for Christmas on my own. It is just one day. I have plans to colour my hair so I look smart for afternoon film watching of MY choice.

But yes, I agree there is too much hype and it makes anyone who doesn't fit into a traditional family set up feel lousy.

ProfondoRosso · 18/12/2013 15:47

That's the thing it is just one day with this massive build up everywhere I look making me feel like shit

This ^^

It's tough, isn't it? A few years in a row, a while back, when I've been worried about money/work or suffering a depressive episode, I've found it all too emotional. Remembering happy Christmases as a child and crying all the time, feeling like I'd let everyone down.

You never know - this Christmas with just you and the DC might be extra special for exactly that reason. I hope it is. You do whatever you like - watch lovely DVDs, go out for a walk together. And you want have to cook for a bazillion people. Are you friendly with your neighbours? Might you invite them round for a wee sherry once the DCs are asleep? A little toast to the day is fine, so long as you don't get wasted, obviously.

diddl · 18/12/2013 15:56

"That's the thing it is just one day with this massive build up everywhere I look making me feel like shit"

Is this a UK thing then?

I'm in a small town in Germany & not really noticing any build up tbh.

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 18/12/2013 15:56

I am aware there are others far worse off - that doesn't make me feel like grinning ear to ear constantly when I am feeling low about the whole thing.

It's all relative isn't it?

ProfondiRosso yes :)

OP posts:
diddl · 18/12/2013 15:57

Oops, posted too soon.

Also, my kids are teens & not really intoit any more, so I guess that also tones it down?

Overtiredmum · 18/12/2013 16:04

I'm with you Gossip, I am dreading it. My DC will spend a few hours with their dad in the afternoon, so I'll be alone for that time. I'm going to try and keep myself busy so I try not to think about it.

I plan to have a nice bath, cook dinner for when the DC get back and when they do I plan for the three of us to shut the world outside, put our PJs on and just spend quality time together. I don't want to dwell on my failed marriage, my family disowning me, the day will all be about the DC.

Ephiny · 18/12/2013 16:04

Like you say, it's just one day. I understand about wanting adult company, having a few drinks with friends, but surely you can do that on a different day, it doesn't have to be 25th December exactly, does it? You might find it easier to arrange on another day anyway!

It isn't just you, though. It's a difficult time of year for lots of people, if they don't have (or want) the traditional family setup, a lot of pressure for things to be a certain way. You just have to try to disengage from it as best you can.

bemusedisnottheword · 18/12/2013 16:06

Diddl unfortunately yes. The uk is hyped up from october at least.

Frantic present buying, endless adverts portraying the perfect Christmas with oodles of laughing well behaved smily relatives, the endless christmas songs freaking everywhere, schools ramping up a notch with nativity plays and pay a pound to see santa and on and on...

I can't wait for it to all be over

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 18/12/2013 16:07

September... ;)

OP posts:
bemusedisnottheword · 18/12/2013 16:12

Then I look at my friend and for her it will be a shit christmas like it is every year. She lost her beautiful 4 year old dd to a tragic accident on xmas eve and died from her injuries on christmas day.

For many, people won't have the perfect Tesco christmas for whatever reason and I hate all the shit that goes with christmas.

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 18/12/2013 16:13

That's terrible poor her :(

OP posts:
bemusedisnottheword · 18/12/2013 16:13

Yes september tis true. :)

bemusedisnottheword · 18/12/2013 16:15

I know. Her eldest dd is in my dds year and it's torn the whole family to pieces.

Hermione123 · 18/12/2013 16:24

I think Christmas is sad for a lot of people, not many people have it picture perfect even if it looks that way, being kind to strangers/people you nod at etc can make a difference in general. Good luck op!

MincedMuffPies · 18/12/2013 16:30

I'm choosing this year for it to just be me and dc. I will still have a few bucksfizz at breakfast and brandys in the afternoon.

I have bought myself pirates of the carribean box set, dc have watched the first one so we will most likely watch the second and maybe the third in the afternoon/evening.

It's to depressing to cook christmas dinner and all the washing up for just the three of us so we are having our favorite party food, and a turkey crown for turkey and cranberry leftover rolls.

I'm really looking forward to it.

fackinell · 18/12/2013 16:37

That poor family with the little girl that died. Sad

I'm at risk of sounding a bit Pollyanna here but if its adult company you crave, why not volunteer for a few hrs in Christmas Day? Helping hand out meals to the homeless or in a care home having a few board games or chat with the elderly. Your teens may be happy to do something worthwhile with part of their Christmas.

My friend spent last Christmas in a hotel room alone as her family made excuses not to see her and she was a live in nanny not too welcome there either. I was too far away for her to visit.

I'm always thankful when Christmas Day arrives that the people I love are seeing another Christmas. It's nice to try and see he positives but it must be tough for you.

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